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Dems Tried To Stall Alito Hearings (HILARIOUS STUFF MUST READ!)
WAZZADEM ^ | 1/25/06

Posted on 01/25/2006 6:47:01 AM PST by areafiftyone

Apparently, C-Span has been editing its coverage of the Senate Judiciary Committee hearings on the Alito nomination.

Here's the tape they don't want you to see.

Spectera
At this time the Chair recognizes the senator from Delaware - Senator Biden.

 

 

 

 

Bidencubesm
I'll be with you shortly.

 

 

 

 

Spectera
Senator, this committe is in session, so if you're not prepared, we'll come back to you later.

 

 

 

 

Bidencube2
Just hold on, I think I'm almost done.

 

 

 

 

Spectera
I'd like to remind my good friend that we don't have time to wait for him while he...

 

 

 

 

Bidencube2
And I'd like to remind my good friend that the American people want us - no, they demand that we take as much time as...Oh, come on! Where did that green one go??

 

 

 

 

Spectera
Is the senator from New York prepared to speak with Judge Alito?

 

 

 

 

Schumerc
I certainly am.

 

 

 

 

Spectera
The Chair recognizes Senator Schumer.

 

 

 

 

Bidencube2
Dammit!

 

 

 

 

Schumerc
Good morning, Judge Alito.

 

 

 

 

Alito
Good morning, Senator.

 

 

 

 

Schumerc
Judge, you and I go way back, and...

 

 

 

 

Alito
We do?

 

 

 

 

Schumerc
All right, I suppose that might be a bit of an overstatement, but I think it's fair to say that we've been through a lot together, right?

 

 

 

 

Alito
No, not really.

 

 

 

 

Schumerc
Fine. Let me rephrase that. Perhaps we haven't known each other for very long, and our interaction has been somewhat limited, but I don't think there's any doubt that we've become good friends - fair enough?

 

 

 

 

Alito
Well, let's see - I went to meet with you in your office, and you were certainly friendly enough there in front of the cameras.

 

 

 

 

Schumerc
Exactly, so I...

 

 

 

 

Alito
But, before that, you held a press conference where you suggested that I might undo the accomplishments of people like Rosa Parks.

 

 

 

 

Schumerc
That's not exactly what I meant to...

 

 

 

 

Alito
And ever since then you've purposely distorted my written opinons, taken quotes out of context, suggested that I...

 

 

 

 

Schumerc
All right! So, maybe we're not exactly best friends.

 

 

 

 

Spectera
Senator, might I suggest that you quit while you're ahead - or at least before you dig yourself any deeper.

 

 

 

 

Schumerc
Fine, I'll just move on to my questions. Judge, when I say angling gear, what do you think of?

 

 

 

 

Alito
I don't know - fishing pole? I don't understand what you're getting at.

 

 

 

 

Schumerc
No, that's not it.

 

 

 

 

Schumpuz
I'm looking for one ten-letter word. This one's really got me stumped.

 

 

 

 

Spectera
Is that a crossword puzzle??

 

 

 

 

Schumerc
It's not a crossword puzzle, it's the world's largest crossword puzzle, and I'm only 794 answers away from completing it.

 

 

 

 

Spectera
*Sigh* Senator Feinstein?

 

 

 

 

Feinsteind
Busy right now.

 

 

 

 

Spectera
Doing what?

 

 

 

 

Feinsteind
Writing my memoirs. Keep your pants on, I'm almost halfway done.

 

 

 

 

Spectera
We can't hold this hearing up while you...

 

 

 

 

Feinsteind
Mr. Chairman, my constituents will not stand by and watch you try to ramrod this nominee through the...Look, just fill in the blanks, I'm trying to concentrate.

 

 

 

 

Spectera
The Senator from Illinois is recognized.

 

 

 

 

Durbind1
Thank you, Mr. Chairman. Judge Alito, I'm going to ask you to take a close look at me. Do you notice anything unusual?

 

 

 

 

Alito
No, not right offhand.

 

 

 

 

Durbind1
Look closer. You don't see anything out of the ordinary?

 

 

 

 

Alito
Did you get a new wig?

 

 

 

 

Durbind1
I don't wear a wig!

 

 

 

 

Alito
I'm sorry, I meant to say hairpiece.

 

 

 

 

Durbind1
I don't wear a hairpiece!

 

 

 

 

Alito
Well, what do you call it? Male scalp enhancement?

 

 

 

 

Durbind1
This is my real hair! I'm talking about my name. My name is missing.

 

 

 

 

Alito
I'm not following you.

 

 

 

 

Durbind1
Well, the little C-Span thingy is right here on my left arm, but where's the banner with my name?

 

 

 

 

Spectera
Senator, we really need to move this along. Now, if you have a question for...

 

 

 

 

Durbind1
Mr. Chairman, you may not care that you don't have a name banner, but you have the House, the Senate, the White House, and now you're about to tip the Supreme Court in your favor. Can I at least have my name banner?? I'm the Assistant Minority Leader!

 

 

 

 

Spectera
Can the folks at C-Span please give Senator Durbin his name banner so we can move on?

 

 

 

 

Durbind2
That's better.

 

 

 

 

Durbind2
Actually, I don't like that font. Have you got something in a Times New Roman?

 

 

 

 

Spectera
The Chair recognizes the senior Senator from Massachusetts.

 

 

 

 

Kennbook2
I'll be with you as soon as I finish my book.

 

 

 

 

Spectera
Senator Kennedy, with all due respect...

 

 

 

 

Kennbook2
Mr. Chairman, you may be able to intimidate the other members of this committee, but I assure you that I am not easily intimidated, so if you think...

 

 

 

 

Spectera
I have a responsibility to...uh, Senator, your book is, um...

 

 

 

 

Kennmag2
What? Oh, how did that...

 

 

 

 

Alito
Excuse me, can I make a suggestion?

 

 

 

 

Spectera
Certainly.

 

 

 

 

Alito
Can you just vote, already? Something tells me I'm going to get eight thumbs-down votes no matter what I say.

 

 

 

 

Spectera
Good idea, Let's go around the table - Senator Leahy.

 

 

 

 

Leahyp
Nope.

 

 

 

 

Spectera
Durbin.

 

 

 

 

Durbind2
You have Arial Bold?

 

 

 

 

Spectera
Feingold.

 

 

 

 

Feingoldr
Not a chance.

 

 

 

 

Spectera
Schumer.

 

 

 

 

Schumerc
What?

 

 

 

 

Spectera
Vote?

 

 

 

 

Schumerc
No, that's only four letters.

 

 

 

 

Spectera
Kohl.

 

 

 

 

Kohl
Nah.

 

 

 

 

Spectera
Biden?

 

 

 

 

Bidencube2
SON OF A B*TCH!

 

 

 

 

Spectera
Ms. Feinstein.

 

 

 

 

Feinsteind
Her t-shirt clung to her sweaty body as her breasts heaved with each anxious breath.

 

 

 

 

Spectera
That's a no. Senator Kennedy?

 

 

 

 

Kennmag2
I'm trying to listen to Senator Feinstein!

 

 

 

 

Spectera
That's a wrap, we're adjourned.

 

 

 

 

Schumerc
Protractor!

 


TOPICS: Humor
KEYWORDS: 109th; alito; alitohearings; historyinthemaking; rofl; senatedems; wuzzadem
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To: Dashing Dasher

That sounds dirty.


61 posted on 01/25/2006 2:07:30 PM PST by Feiny (Health nuts are going to feel stupid someday, lying in hospitals dying of nothing.)
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To: feinswinesuksass

I thought you'd like it.


62 posted on 01/25/2006 2:08:19 PM PST by Dashing Dasher (Saving the Republic - one joke at a time)
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To: jwfiv

Check this out.


63 posted on 01/25/2006 2:15:29 PM PST by Serb5150 (Mr. T is allergic to doorknobs. That's why he can only kick through doors.)
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To: areafiftyone

ROFOL!


64 posted on 01/25/2006 2:24:05 PM PST by Taxman (So that the beautiful pressure does not diminish!)
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To: OXENinFLA

hahahahahahaha!


65 posted on 01/25/2006 4:14:35 PM PST by firewalk
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& thanks for the ping


66 posted on 01/25/2006 4:20:02 PM PST by firewalk
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To: OXENinFLA; areafiftyone

LOL! - Bump! - Great stuff!


67 posted on 01/25/2006 4:31:18 PM PST by Gucho
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To: areafiftyone

Can I be on your Wazzadem ping please?


68 posted on 01/25/2006 5:21:32 PM PST by navynucmom ("The following takes place between......................The Jack Bauer Power Hour)
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To: areafiftyone; EveningStar
LOL! ;-D

Hilarious stuff... I love these! Thanks for the ping, EveningStar.

69 posted on 01/25/2006 10:01:18 PM PST by nutmeg ("We're going to take things away from you on behalf of the common good." - Hillary Clinton 6/28/04)
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To: areafiftyone

bwaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaahaaaaaaaaaaaaaha I haven't laughed this hard in a long time. thanks.


70 posted on 01/26/2006 3:08:29 AM PST by marta R
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To: navynucmom; EveningStar
Can I be on your Wazzadem ping please?

I believe Eveningstar is doing the ping list.

71 posted on 01/26/2006 5:34:44 AM PST by areafiftyone (Politicians Are Like Diapers, Both Need To Be Changed Often And For The Same Reason!)
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To: quantim; areafiftyone

Heehee, he's smiling now that he's got his name.

Great stuff, thanks for posting.


72 posted on 01/26/2006 7:17:52 AM PST by cyn
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To: Dashing Dasher; feinswinesuksass

Okay you two...that DOES sound dirty!!! This thread is hilarious!!! Thanks for the ping!


73 posted on 01/26/2006 8:48:38 AM PST by BadKittySF
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To: BadKittySF

Welcome back !


74 posted on 01/26/2006 8:50:16 AM PST by Dashing Dasher (Comparing a Grob G115 to a Pitts S1S is like comparing a Buick to a Porsche!)
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Comment #75 Removed by Moderator

To: OXENinFLA

This was hilarious. I kept thinking of this while watching SOTU tonight. I hope they do something on that. G'night.


76 posted on 01/31/2006 8:33:50 PM PST by cyn
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To: areafiftyone
Damn that's good stuff.
77 posted on 01/31/2006 8:40:48 PM PST by glaseatr (Proud Father of a Marine, Uncle of SGT Adam Estep A. 2/5 Cav died Thurs April 29, 2004 Baghdad Iraq)
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