Posted on 01/24/2006 9:13:51 AM PST by hiramknight
Somedays, it seems like everyone around you has had one stupid pill too many. Feel free to borrow from this list when required.
>THINGS YOU'D LOVE TO SAY OUT LOUD AT WORK 1. I can see your point, but I still think you're full of crap.
2. I don't know what your problem is, but I'll bet it's hard to pronounce.
3. How about never? Is never good for you?
4. I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
5. I'm really easy to get along with once you people learn to see it my way.
6. I'll try being nicer if you'll try being smarter.
7. I'm out of my mind, but feel free to leave a message.
8. I don't work here. I'm a consultant.
9. It sounds like English, but I can't understand a word you're saying.
10. Ahhh...I see the screw-up fairy has visited us again...
11. I like you. You remind me of myself when I was young and stupid.
12. You are validating my inherent mistrust of strangers.
13. I have plenty of talent and vision; I just don't give a damn.
14. I'm already visualizing the duct tape over your mouth.
15. I will always cherish the initial misconceptions I had about you.
16. Thank you. We're all refreshed and challenged by your unique point of view.
17. The fact that no one understands you doesn't mean you're an artist.
18. Any connection between your reality and mine is purely coincidental.
19. What am I? Flypaper for freaks!?
20. I'm not being rude. You're just insignificant.
21. It's a thankless job, but I've got a lot of Karma to burn off.
22. Yes, I am an agent of Satan, but my duties are largely ceremonial.
23. And your crybaby whiny-assed opinion would be...?
24. Do I look like a people person?
25. This isn't an office. It's Hell with fluorescent lighting.
26. I started out with nothing & still have most of it left.
27. Sarcasm is just one more service we offer.
28. If I throw a stick, will you leave?
29. Errors have been made. Others will be blamed.
30. Whatever kind of look you were going for, you missed.
31. I'm trying to imagine you with a personality.
32. A cubicle is just a padded cell without a door.
33. Can I trade this job for what's behind door #1?
34. Too many freaks, not enough circuses.
35. Nice cologne. Must you marinate in it?
36. Chaos, panic, & disorder-my work here is done.
37. How do I set a laser printer to stun?
38. I thought I wanted a career; turns out I just wanted a salary
How can I miss you if you don't leave?
I feel like I work in a REAL Dilbert cartoon.............My boss and his are amazingly similar........
2. I don't know what your problem is, but I'll bet it's hard to pronounce.
very seriously:
"Don't call us; we'll call you."
And just today:
"What is it about no 'solicitation' that you don't understand?"
After last week's disaster I'm feeling particularly like #27.
Crap...make that 26. Even my short term memory has gone!
ROTFLMAO!
This belongs in Chat, not News/Activism.
See #6. :-)
40. You've got a lot of class. Too bad it's all low.
ruff ruff.
Here's one I'd really like to say:
If it's owned by a celebrity, we don't want it. And big f'n deal if it's over 5,000 square feet, we don't want it. And spare me the details about how much it cost, please."
Yeah, I have had a few of those myself!
At the company I used to work at, we had a BIG "No Solicitation" sign on the door. You couldn't miss it unless you were blind or stupid. Or both.
Well, one day this guy comes in selling paintings, of all things. Walked right in asking if we wanted to buy anything. Well, the receptionist was notorious for not tkaing crap from anyone. She gets up out of her chair, walks right past the guy and out the door, looks at the sign and walks back in and asks the guy in her best sugary Southern voice: "Honey, how long have you been illiterate?"
The guy looked like someone had asked him to explain quantum physics. She points to the sign and the rocket scientist says "I ain't soliciting nothing, I want to sell you some paintings!".
She showed him the door and told him to come back when he had bought a dictionary.
39. Pardon me, are you nuts?
illiterate...buy a dictionary.
Hilarious!
I was about to post that one until I saw your tagline. Great minds...
:P
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