Posted on 12/30/2005 9:51:00 PM PST by SandRat
Center>Murder at Kroger's
Tired of constantly being broke and stuck in an unhappy marriage, a young husband decided to solve both problems by taking out a large insurance policy on his wife, with himself as the beneficiary, and arranging to have her killed.
A "friend of a friend" put him in touch with a nefarious underworld figure who went by the name of "Artie." Artie explained to the husband that his going price for snuffing out a spouse was $5,000.
The husband said he was willing to pay that amount but that he wouldn't have any cash on hand until he could collect his wife's insurance money.
Artie insisted on being paid something up front. The man opened up his wallet, displaying the single dollar bill that rested inside.
Artie sighed, rolled his eyes, and reluctantly agreed to accept the dollar as down payment for the dirty deed.
A few days later, Artie followed the man's wife to the local Kroger grocery store. There, he surprised her in the produce department and proceeded to strangle her with his gloved hands. As the poor unsuspecting woman drew her last breath and slumped to the floor, the manager of the produce department stumbled unexpectedly onto the scene. Unwilling to leave any witnesses behind, Artie had no choice but to strangle the produce manager as well.
Unknown to Artie, the entire proceedings were captured by hidden cameras and observed by the store's security guard, who immediately called the police.
Artie was caught and arrested before he could leave the store. Under intense questioning at the police station, Artie revealed the sordid plan, including his financial arrangements with the hapless husband. And that is why, the next day in the newspaper, the headline declared...
[You're going to hate me for this]...
OK, here it is...
OMG!
Ma's gonna get the wrench out.
lol...
"Not yet," said the little boy.
His mother told him he couldn't have any breakfast until he did his chores. Well, he was a little pissed, so he went to feed the chickens, and he kicked a chicken. He went to feed the cows, and he kicked a cow. He went to feed the pigs, and he kicked a pig.
He went back in for breakfast and his mother gave him a bowl of dry cereal.
"How come I don't get any eggs and bacon? "Why don't I have any milk in my cereal?" he asks.
"Well, "his mother said, "I saw you kick a chicken, so you don't get any eggs. I saw you kick the pig, so you don't get any bacon, either. I also saw you kick the cow, so you aren't getting any milk this morning."
Just about then, his father comes down for breakfast, and he kicks the cat as he's walking into the kitchen.
The little boy looks up at his mother with a smile, and says, "Are you going to tell him, or should I?
ROTFLOL!!!!!!
Happy New Year to you too !
Keep laughing until Ma gets here and really wrings your neck. LOL!
LOL so hard my eyes are watering and my sides are hurting.
Join in the laughter!!!!
You are about to get it. I just feel it in my bones. Laugh louder and hide quickly. LOL!
Very cute, thanks
Ma--you are going to have to confiscate the eggnog from SandRat. Do it immediately. Do it for the children.
Flopping on the Floor laughing so hard.
That is funny! I can picture you rolling around laughing about this...and ma coming after you with the wrench!
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