Posted on 12/02/2005 5:40:21 AM PST by BJClinton
Le w00t! It's Friday, it's huntin' season and the Boys are playing the Gints for the division this weekend. What could be better?
She pointed to the box where it said "18 months-3 years".
In keeping with the upcoming holidays...
FROM: Pauline Lewis, Human Resources Director
TO: All Employees
DATE: 4th November 2005
RE: Christmas Party
I'm happy to inform you that the company Christmas Party will take place on December 23rd, starting at noon in the private function room at the Grill House. There will be a cash bar and plenty of drinks!
We'll have a small band playing traditional carols...please feel free to sing along. And don't be surprised if the MD shows up dressed as Santa Claus! A Christmas tree will be lit at 1.00p.m.. Exchange of gifts among employees can be done at that time; however, no gift should be over $10.00 to make the giving of gifts easy for everyone's pockets. This gathering is only for employees! The MD will make a special announcement at the Party.
Merry Christmas to you and your Family.
Pauline
FROM: Pauline Lewis, Human Resources Director
TO: All Employees
DATE: 5th November 2005
RE: Holiday Party
In no way was yesterday's memo intended to exclude our Jewish employees. We recognise Hanukah is an important holiday, which often coincides with Christmas, though unfortunately not this year.
However, from now on we're calling it our 'Holiday Party'. The same policy applies to any other employees who are not Christians. There will be no Christmas tree or Christmas carols sung. We will have other types of music for your enjoyment.
Happy now?
Happy Holidays to you and your family,
Pauline.
FROM; Pauline Lewis, Human Resources Director
TO: All Employees
DATE: 6th November 2005
RE: Holiday Party
Regarding the note I received from a member of Alcoholics Anonymous requesting a non-drinking table...you didn't sign your name. I'm happy to accommodate this request, but if I put a sign on a table that reads, "AA Only", you wouldn't be anonymous anymore!!!! How am I supposed to handle this? Somebody?
Forget about the gift exchange, no gift exchange allowed now since the Union Officials feel that £10.00 is too much money and Management believe $10.00 is a little cheap. NO GIFT EXCHANGE WILL BE ALLOWED.
Pauline.
FROM: Pauline Lewis, Human Resources Director
TO: All Employees
DATE: 7th November 2005
RE: Holiday Party
What a diverse group we are! I had no idea that December 20th begins the Muslim holy month of Ramadan, which forbids eating and drinking during daylight hours. There goes the party! Seriously, we can appreciate how a luncheon at this time of year does not accommodate our Muslim employees' beliefs, perhaps the Grill House can hold off on serving your meal until the end of the party - or else package everything up for you to take home in a little foil doggy bag. Will that work? Meanwhile, I've arranged for members of Weight Watchers to sit farthest from the dessert buffet and pregnant women will get the table closest to the toilets, Gays are allowed to sit with each other, Lesbians do not have to sit with gay men, each will have their own table. Yes, there will be flower arrangements for the gay men's table too. To the person asking permission to cross-dress - no cross-dressing allowed. We will have booster seats for short people. Low fat food will be available for those on a diet. We cannot control the salt used in the food we suggest those people with high blood pressure taste the food first.. There will be fresh fruits as dessert for Diabetics; the restaurant cannot supply "No Sugar" desserts. Sorry! Did I miss anything?!?!?!?!?!
Pauline.
FROM: Pauline Lewis, Human Resources Director
TO: All F****** Employees
DATE: 8 November 2005
RE: The
Here ya go, Izzy
http://www.toonedin.com/movies/WhiteTrashXmas.html
A few years ago the battery in my beat-up VW Beetle had died
because I left the lights on overnight. I was in a hurry to
get to work on time so I ran into the house to get my wife
to give me a hand to start the car. I told her to get into
our second car, a prehistoric oversized gas guzzler, and use
it to push my car fast enough to start it. I pointed out to
her that because the VW had an automatic transmission, it
needed to be pushed at least 20mph for it to start.
She said fine, hopped into her car and drove off.
I sat there fuming wondering what she could be doing.
A minute passed by and when I saw her in the rear-view mir-
ror coming at me at about 30 mph, I realized that I should
have been a bit clearer with my directions...
Women live longer than men
No translation required.
Dude needs Atkins.
There's always one in a crowd.
Photobuckets recent pics has always amused me.
L O L . That is so true and funny. Our older son, never liked to wear clothes (still does crazy stunts in the buff)
| Your Eyes Should Be Gray |
 What's hidden behind your eyes: A sensitive soul |
I'll burn in hell for finding this.
| Your Eyes Should Be Brown |
 What's hidden behind your eyes: A tender heart |
| Your Eyes Should Be Gray |
|
What's hidden behind your eyes: A sensitive soul |
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