Posted on 11/19/2005 1:44:28 PM PST by Sonny M
DEAR ABBY: While vacationing at a resort last month, I ran into the brother of a girl I went to school with. I hadn't seen "Sean" or his sister "Meghan" for several years, so I asked how he was doing, and then proceeded to ask about Meghan. His face turned pale and he said, "She's dead."
I had never heard that Meghan has passed away. I was mortified. I had no idea what to do next. I mumbled a clumsy "I'm sorry," and he continued to give me a withering stare. I have since learned that his sister died of a drug overdose, and that's why it wasn't mentioned in the newspaper.
How should I handle this when I see Sean again? It is inevitable that we'll cross paths again, and I feel guilty for bringing up his sister as it caused him such obvious pain. I don't want to ignore him, but I really don't know what to say. Have you any advice for me? -- MORTIFIED IN MAINE
DEAR MORTIFIED: Don't wait until you see the man. Write him a short note telling him again how shocked and sorry you were to hear of his sister's death. Mention that it was obvious your question blindsided him and caused him pain. Let him know that wasn't your intention when you asked it. Then, when you see him again, the subject will have already been dealt with. Please don't feel guilty, because you did nothing wrong.
DEAR ABBY: I have new neighbors who insist on feeding my dog, "Sadie," even though I have asked them repeatedly not to. Sadie has food allergies, not to mention the impact this has had on her training. Sadie gets treats only for doing what she is told to do.
What can I do to make them stop feeding my dog (other than moving)? A large fence is not permitted where we live. -- DOG-TIRED IN IRVINE, CALIF
DEAR DOG-TIRED: There is no way to force your neighbors to stop feeding your dog. However, I do have some suggestions.
First, do not allow your dog to go near the neighbors' unless she is on a leash. That way you are in control. Second, contact a dog trainer and learn how to train Sadie not to accept food from strangers without your permission. (It could save her from being poisoned one day.) Third, because large fences are restricted in your neighborhood, consider installing an electronic fence. It works with a sensor in your dog's collar, and will discourage Sadie from leaving your property by giving her a mild shock if she crosses from your yard into your neighbors'.
DEAR ABBY: How long should people be expected to keep school memorabilia, baby albums, childhood scrapbooks, etc? My husband and I recently moved to a smaller home and down-sized our belongings. I disposed of almost all of the memorabilia. None of it had been looked at in at least 35 years.
There are no albums of my husband. They could still be at his parents' house -- or maybe there are none.
My mother is so angry over this she's ready to disown me. Why would I keep those things, since I have no one to pass them on to and they are just taking up room? Your opinion, please. -- CINCINNATI READER
DEAR READER: Obviously, the items you threw away had sentimental value to someone -- your mother. Because there were presumably pictures of other relatives in those albums, it would have been a kindness to have offered them to those relatives -- including your mother -- rather than just throwing them away.
Dear Abby is written by Abigail Van Buren, also known as Jeanne Phillips, and was founded by her mother, Pauline Phillips. Write Dear Abby at www.DearAbby.com or P.O. Box 69440, Los Angeles, CA 90069.
ping
Anne's advice on dealing with followup to hearing about her friends' death, was spot-on. It's too bad the family feels such shame about the cause of their daughter/sister's death that they feel unable to share her passing and their pain.
Ooops, instead of "Anne" make that "Dear Abby"
LOL!
I hadn't seen "Sean" or his sister "Meghan" for several years...
Since the writer refers to herself as a friend, let's assume she means just that--she was, at some point, friends with the lady that died. She let several years go by without having any contact. What a great friend!
This hits really close to home for me. After my first son was born, my phone stopped ringing--entirely. Several people that I'd been very close to--including one I'd considered asking to be Godmother to my son--stopped calling, stopped returning my calls, never stopped by. The loneliness I experienced not only put a big ol' damper on what should have been a very happy time for me, it changed me forever.
That sort of reminds me of the time I saw a guy in a restaurant that I hadn't seen in 20 some years. He was on crutches.
I was small talking with him and asked him why he was on crutches.
"Well, I've needed them since I got my leg taken off."
Let me tell you, I felt like crawling under the table after that little faux paux.
I don't see where the writer claimed to be a friend...
I ran into the brother of a girl I went to school with.
Please don't try to hold me accountable for knowing what happens to people I have been in school with, I have a hard enough time keeping up with family.
100% correct. I'm scratching my head about where I saw the word "friend," 'cause it sure ain't there now.
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