[Liberty Valance]

I feel a new song coming on...

[Callahan]

I guess his chick don't dig it.

[Williams]

There was a time when he wouldn't have been commenting on any of this, in the first place. I'm just wondering how many guys were in this lottery.

[TommyDale]

Maybe a case of the baby looking like the "son" on My Name Is Earl"?

[BadAndy]

"Since the birth, however, we have discovered that biologically, the child is not mine."

Does the child resembles 50 cent?

[2banana]

In many states, he would be still forced to financial take care of the child until 18 years of age...

[OldSmaj]

Out of respect for all that are involved, please allow this situation to remain private...

What? No announcement in the National Enquirer that it was fathered by an alien?

Or by Tom Cruise?

If you didn't want publicity, then why make an announcement of it?

Far as that goes, probably only three or four people on the face of the earth give a rat's patootie anyway.

Celebrities! Sheesh! So full of themselves.

[Charles Henrickson]

"my disappointment now is equally strong."

You got no room to be offended, you bum. It's not like you're married to this woman. By shacking up together, you both have already proven that you don't respect the bonds of fidelity and commitment, i.e., marriage.

[Conspiracy Guy]

"I Aint the Daddy" By Chris Cagle aka Conspiracy Guy

I was lookin forward,
To the blessed event.
Mama sure was growin,
Dang near filled a tent.
Pains they started comin,
Rushed her to the doc.
Little feller popped out,
Then I got a shock.

It seems that DNA has spoiled her little game.
Though I was sure excited now I feel so lame.
Don't want to talk about it, and not sure what to do.
I see I aint the daddy, this sucks I'm tellin you.

All my thoughts of baseball,
Toy trains and football too.
Have all been dashed by this,
I feel like such a fool.
Why did she try to trick me,
I think I'll go insane.
Instead I'll just start drinking,
And cuss that woman's name.

It seems that DNA has spoiled her little game.
Though I was sure excited now I feel so lame.
Don't want to talk about it, and not sure what to do.
I see I aint the daddy, this sucks I'm tellin you.

[kevkrom]

I just want to go on record as saying I'm not the father, either. Now, who is Chris Cagle and why should I care?

[laredo44]

Out of respect for all that are involved, please allow this situation to remain private

A little late for that, isn't it?

[SWAMPSNIPER]

Well, he needs to go on the Maury Povich show, and prove it!

[idiota payaso]

But that kid just looks so much like him! Of course it would've taken DNA to prove that it wasn't his! Yeah...right. What an inbred moron he is.