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Texas Grand Jury Indicts Ham Sandwich, But Charges Don’t Pass Mustard
HR's Fertile and Twisted Mind
| HR
Posted on 09/29/2005 7:13:57 PM PDT by hispanarepublicana
AUSTIN (AP) - A Texas grand jury on Wednesday indicted a ham sandwich and two side dishes on charges of conspiracy in a blue plate special scheme, forcing the featured menu item to temporarily relinquish its relished post despite the fact that the charges mayo or mayo not stick.
"I have done nothing wrong. ... Olive us are innocent, just lettuce prove it," the sandwich told a Capitol Hill news conference during which he criticized the Texas prosecutor, Ronnie Earle, repeatedly. The sandwich said the charges amounted to "a bunch of baloney."
With a rye expression, Earle told reporters, "Our job is to prosecute abuses of power and to bring those abuses to the public." He has noted previously that he has prosecuted many hoagies and poboys in the past.
Chefs at the Capitol Grille selected tuna salad with Cool Whip - No. 3 in the menu favorites ranks as a temporary sandwich filling.
Other menu items expressed their backing for the ham sandwich, the first daily special to be indicted in at least a century.
A visiting Italian official also expressed confidence. "I cannelloni say that hes got a tough crust, and he can take it. He will fight this and soon itll all be a thing of the past-a," said Minister Oni, the soup of the day.
The ham sandwich said he was certain the indictment would be dismissed and shrugged off the charges as an open-faced lie any way you slice it.
Here's what the dill is: it looks like the potato chips are down, but these lies will ketchup to Earle, the sandwich said, vowing that he would rise to the occasion to fight the charges. "There's no time to loaf. We've got to spread the truth."
TOPICS: Humor
KEYWORDS: delay; earle; trumpedup
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To: llevrok
No...Xavier Greenstamps is with Anita Fortune.
41
posted on
09/29/2005 8:32:35 PM PDT
by
hispanarepublicana
(No amnesty needed...My ancestors proudly served. [remodel of an old '70s bumper sticker])
To: Miss Behave
A seasoned FReeper will spice it up.
42
posted on
09/29/2005 8:33:43 PM PDT
by
hispanarepublicana
(No amnesty needed...My ancestors proudly served. [remodel of an old '70s bumper sticker])
To: hispanarepublicana
Au jus know they're peppering it all over the media and dressing it as the truth. O'Reilly's already covered it on his No Spinach Zone.It's about thyme. O'Reilly may not be a sage, but he's parsley correct in his approach. Something may turnip to justify this indictment, but I won't be satisfied until they've collard the real criminal, Ronnie Earle. They should stalk him until they get to the root of the problem. I don't how he even collects a celery.
43
posted on
09/29/2005 8:35:02 PM PDT
by
speedy
To: llevrok
Betty had a friend. I forgot her name so I asked her - "you look like Helen Greene!" She said, "I know. I don't look so good in brown either." Shirley Brown looks like Helen Greene, if *Sally* May say.
44
posted on
09/29/2005 8:40:07 PM PDT
by
Miss Behave
(Beloved daughter of Miss Creant, super sister of danged Miss Ology, and proud mother of Miss Hap.)
To: speedy
It'll be a real chard to get to the bottom of it, but the indictment is basiless, and they can always a-peel. I mint what I said.
45
posted on
09/29/2005 8:40:10 PM PDT
by
hispanarepublicana
(No amnesty needed...My ancestors proudly served. [remodel of an old '70s bumper sticker])
To: hispanarepublicana
A seasoned FReeper will spice it up."Hams piled on ham.
46
posted on
09/29/2005 8:41:58 PM PDT
by
Miss Behave
(Beloved daughter of Miss Creant, super sister of danged Miss Ology, and proud mother of Miss Hap.)
To: TheBigB; Petronski; Fierce Allegiance; cyborg; The SISU kid; Squantos; Robert A. Cook, PE; ...
47
posted on
09/29/2005 8:46:32 PM PDT
by
Miss Behave
(Beloved daughter of Miss Creant, super sister of danged Miss Ology, and proud mother of Miss Hap.)
To: hispanarepublicana
Yeah, Earle thinks he is presenting a feta compli, but that indictment will Edam alive. You're obviously well bread, HR, and I really enjoyed your essay.
48
posted on
09/29/2005 8:48:34 PM PDT
by
speedy
To: hispanarepublicana
I say old chap
do you have any Grey Poupon?
49
posted on
09/29/2005 8:51:04 PM PDT
by
dgallo51
(DEMAND IMMEDIATE, OPEN INVESTIGATIONS OF U.S. COMPLICITY IN RWANDAN GENOCIDE!)
To: speedy
Thanks, it's the yeast I could dough.
50
posted on
09/29/2005 8:52:01 PM PDT
by
hispanarepublicana
(No amnesty needed...My ancestors proudly served. [remodel of an old '70s bumper sticker])
To: dgallo51
How Dijon know that was my fave?
51
posted on
09/29/2005 8:53:03 PM PDT
by
hispanarepublicana
(No amnesty needed...My ancestors proudly served. [remodel of an old '70s bumper sticker])
To: hispanarepublicana
Takes an old wino to know one :-)
52
posted on
09/29/2005 8:54:52 PM PDT
by
dgallo51
(DEMAND IMMEDIATE, OPEN INVESTIGATIONS OF U.S. COMPLICITY IN RWANDAN GENOCIDE!)
To: hispanarepublicana
I'm not just buttering you up. There's nan better than you at this.
53
posted on
09/29/2005 8:55:43 PM PDT
by
speedy
To: speedy
Oh Lard! That means shallot coming from you!
54
posted on
09/29/2005 8:57:54 PM PDT
by
hispanarepublicana
(No amnesty needed...My ancestors proudly served. [remodel of an old '70s bumper sticker])
To: hispanarepublicana; Miss Behave
G'nightshade! Must turnip in.
55
posted on
09/29/2005 9:00:08 PM PDT
by
hispanarepublicana
(No amnesty needed...My ancestors proudly served. [remodel of an old '70s bumper sticker])
To: speedy
should've pinged you above
56
posted on
09/29/2005 9:00:43 PM PDT
by
hispanarepublicana
(No amnesty needed...My ancestors proudly served. [remodel of an old '70s bumper sticker])
To: hispanarepublicana
Likewise, HR. These pun threads just kind of crepe up on us, don't they? Night all.
57
posted on
09/29/2005 9:00:57 PM PDT
by
speedy
To: hispanarepublicana
"Thanks, it's the yeast I could dough." You corndog palate pallet. ;-)
58
posted on
09/29/2005 9:02:02 PM PDT
by
Miss Behave
(Beloved daughter of Miss Creant, super sister of danged Miss Ology, and proud mother of Miss Hap.)
To: speedy
59
posted on
09/29/2005 9:02:46 PM PDT
by
llevrok
(Course 090. Magnetic.)
To: hispanarepublicana
G'nite, hispana. And peas on Earth.
Thanks for the great rib lickin'. You made my day turn from bad to bright.
60
posted on
09/29/2005 9:05:54 PM PDT
by
Miss Behave
(Beloved daughter of Miss Creant, super sister of danged Miss Ology, and proud mother of Miss Hap.)
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