Texas Grand Jury Indicts Ham Sandwich, But Charges Don’t Pass Mustard

HR's Fertile and Twisted Mind | HR

[hispanarepublicana]

AUSTIN (AP) - A Texas grand jury on Wednesday indicted a ham sandwich and two side dishes on charges of conspiracy in a blue plate special scheme, forcing the featured menu item to temporarily relinquish its relished post despite the fact that the charges mayo or mayo not stick.

"I have done nothing wrong. ... Olive us are innocent, just lettuce prove it," the sandwich told a Capitol Hill news conference during which he criticized the Texas prosecutor, Ronnie Earle, repeatedly. The sandwich said the charges amounted to "a bunch of baloney."

With a rye expression, Earle told reporters, "Our job is to prosecute abuses of power and to bring those abuses to the public." He has noted previously that he has prosecuted many hoagies and po’boys in the past.

Chefs at the Capitol Grille selected tuna salad with Cool Whip - No. 3 in the menu favorites ranks – as a temporary sandwich filling.

Other menu items expressed their backing for the ham sandwich, the first daily special to be indicted in at least a century.

A visiting Italian official also expressed confidence. "I cannelloni say that he’s got a tough crust, and he can take it. He will fight this and soon it’ll all be a thing of the past-a," said Minister Oni, the soup of the day.

The ham sandwich said he was certain the indictment would be dismissed and shrugged off the charges as an open-faced lie any way you slice it.

“Here's what the dill is: it looks like the potato chips are down, but these lies will ketchup to Earle,” the sandwich said, vowing that he would rise to the occasion to fight the charges. "There's no time to loaf. We've got to spread the truth."

[hispanarepublicana]

Forgive me. I was inspired by the "indict a ham sandwich" sentiment.

[hispanarepublicana]

ping

[linkinpunk]

I relish these threads.

[conservatrice]

ham sandwich ping

[MotleyGirl70]

Good one.

but these lies will ketchup to Earle,”

This part reminded me of the ketchup joke in "Pulp Fiction" for some reason.

[hispanarepublicana]

I relish these threads.

I pita the fool who's got no sense of humor.

[hispanarepublicana]

I never saw Pulp Fiction...

[Michael Goldsberry]

LOL!

Well done!

[F.J. Mitchell]

Excuse me, but wasn't that Persecutor's name in reality, Crude Earle?

[hispanarepublicana]

LOL.

[llevrok]

This news story is no bologna.

[hispanarepublicana]

A few glasses of wine bring out the liver-wurst in me.

[The Spirit Of Allegiance]

I believe we need a congressional SUB-committee to investigate....





LOL! But I think I'll have my Cool Whip on the side....Miracle Whip on the sandwich! ;^)

[hispanarepublicana]

LOL! But I think I'll have my Cool Whip on the side....Miracle Whip on the sandwich! ;^)

DOH! (too much chenin blanc)

[The Spirit Of Allegiance]

"Forgive me. I was inspired by the "indict a ham sandwich" sentiment."


Dinner at HR's! YUM

[Jack Deth]

When the ham sandwich is acquitted, will the DA want some cheese with his whine?

Jack.

[F.J. Mitchell]

This post is fit for our funny bones to feast upon for a long time to come. The responses seem to have slowed down for tonight, but may pick up for the midnight chow crowd.

Any left overs will be delicious in breakfast burrito's or omelets in the morning.

Let's keep it bumped.

[Miss Behave]

If you must turd, please put down the ham sandwich and grandly charge to Texas.

On second thought, don't mess with in Texas. Take it to Mexico.

[hispanarepublicana]

When the ham sandwich is acquitted, will the DA want some cheese with his whine? Jack.

It'll be a meunsterous thing to watch. I camembert it.

[llevrok]

That was a rye remark