Posted on 07/31/2005 3:19:52 PM PDT by mlmr
So I have been trying to rent an apartment in my home...and all I have answering the ads are boyfriends and girlfriends. No matter what social status, no matter what income level, I am seeing unmarried twenty, thirty and forty year old couples who want to live together. If I question them, they don't even understand why I am asking.
These are Christians and Jews. I was so surprised to find that it would be so difficult to find a young married couple.
Tell me Dear Freeper...am I totally out of the ballgame to expect to find a young married couple? Am I expecting something that just isn't in our culture anymore?
Don't even bother responding, Kob, it's a waste of air.
In just two generations, we've changed our standards so much that a word in favor of traditional courtship and marriage invites scorn, whereas a "we made good money on the deal" rationale for shacking up is considered the height of good sense.
No, the fact that you obviously either didn't read his post, or chose to ignore half of it so that you could ridicule him, is what invites scorn.
Good for you!! There aren't very many single men who would say that, especially when it's so acceptable. Men would be surprised to learn that women don't want a man who has slept around. I don't want someone giving me a disease when I know I'm disease free.
I just read it again to see what I might have missed, and I'll admit I'm baffled. What great insight is buried in that tale of house-hunting and cohabitational bliss???
I think it's somewhat disingenuous to lump "man-whores" with guys who have lived with women before marriage. I mean, my wife was only the second person I'd been sexual with (and the first barely counts as it was a stupid drunken mistake years ago), and we lived together for a short time before we got married. Not every non-traditional guy is out to do everything that has two legs and breasts. (No, not Teddy Kennedy, you sickos)
Yep. I think people need their space, especially in the courtship phase. Also, the whole idea of treating a living together situation as a 'test marriage' is silly to me: I think living with someone requires effort, and I think a lot of people aren't willing to put in the effort.
If they aren't serious about the effort, I doubt they will succeed at a mature long term relationship.
By today's cultural standards it appears to be largely acceptable. That still doesn't make it right.
1Cr 7:1 Now concerning the things whereof ye wrote unto me: [It is] good for a man not to touch a woman.
1Cr 7:2 Nevertheless, [to avoid] fornication, let every man have his own wife, and let every woman have her own husband.
I note with interest that Paul doesn't want men to have relations with women at all. He is saying, in effect, that the human race should not continue, but, if men and women feel that it must continue, be married. 
I have not read every entry so someone else may have suggested this...but feeling as you do why not advertise aimed at elderly people? Maybe a single senior citizen or a retired married couple would make good solid renters.
You could contact agencies or church groups that look after older people who are able to live alone and would like a nice place like yours. It could be a blessing to them and you, too.
If you had a senior citizen it would be nice to allow them to have their cat or other pet, with the appropriate deposit of course. I have known of a couple elderly single persons who were devastated at having to part with a beloved pet because they could not find a place that would let them keep it.
That's certainly a common sentiment. I've read some social science research from The Howard Center (Allan Carlson) and from the Family Research Council that indicate that living-together before marriage correlates to a greater likelihood of marriage break-up.
My impression is, both partners train themselves to "hold back," to resist the bonding and attachment that normally accompany physical intimacy. People who have trained themselves to do that, cannot readily un-train themselves when they want to wed. They come into marriage immunized to intimacy.
It's a problem: a common one. Something to think about.
Young married couples buy houses with interest rates holding low and housing selling like hot cakes.
That is actually a really good compromise, in terms of bang for the buck. I do not know how many people have the discipline for it though (damn few I'd guess).
Worked well for my late wife and I. I'd suggest that if someone doesn't trust someone enough to share a bed secure in the knowledge that person isn't going to try to have sex, there isn't enough trust for a marriage [not to suggest anything against people who refrain cohabitation for reasons of apparent improiety etc.]
Living together PERIOD correlates to a lot of marriage break-ups. Fact is, a lot of people go into marriage not fully knowing what they're getting into, and I doubt that the people here who admire their own virtuousness have any major edge on the matter. Another fact is that a lot of those marriages which don't break up are unhappy anyway. My parents being one example.
All in all I'm sure it depends on the person. I'm not a sexual libertine, and when I make a commitment I intend it to be a permanent one. I've seen the problems bad marriages can lead to and I want to do what I can to avoid having that unhappy outcome in my own life and in my family's.
I think doing as much as you can to know a person better, and yes that includes living together, would help that. In my case, anyway. Other people probably know what's best for them and since it's their life no doubt they have their reasons.
Marriage is so important, and human beings so different, that I don't begrudge anybody the way to happiness that they believe is best for them. Successful marriages have originated from both ways talked about here.
In other scriptures Paul clarifies his own teachings on man and wife and how they should treat one another.
For all intents and purposes yes you are. Living together is about as durable as marriage is nowadays.
This reminds me of a conversation I had with my son about the word "love."
Unfortunately, in the English language the word "love has a number of divergent meanings.
love = "like to consume" (I love hamburgers.)
love = "enjoy owning" (I love my new T-shirt)
love = "get a bang out of using" (I love this video game)
love = "feel powerful when I do this" (I love driving fast)
The problem is, these are all, every one of them, misplaced when you are talking about a person. A Person does not want to be consumed, owned, used, or accessed as a thing that makes YOU feel powerful.
A person wants to accept and be accepted, cherish and be cherished, trust and be trusted.
A woman in love wants to give herself unreservedly, and receive you unreservedly.
A tentative, test-drive, probationary attitude is perfectly appropriate for a commercial transaction. But it is corrosive to sexual peace and trust between a man and a woman.
In other scriptures Paul clarifies his own teachings on man and wife and how they should treat one another.
Yes, right in 1Cor.
God bless her.
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