*** OFFICIAL FRIDAY SILLINESS THREAD ***

7/22/05 | TheBigB

[TheBigB]

WOOOOO HOOOOO! YIPPEE-SKIP, and YABBA DABBA-DOO!!!!! It's FRIDAAAAAY! : ) Time for FRIDAY SILLINESS! As always, feel free to post jokes, silly pics, nonsensical statements, or even to IGNORE THIS THREAD!

The Census (SNL skit)

Census-Taker.....Tim Meadows Mr. Leonard.....Christopher Walken

Census-Taker: Mr. Leonard? I'm with the U.S. Census Bureau. We sent you a Census form, but you failed to return it to us.

Mr. Leonard: My mail is piled up like crazy.

Census-Taker: Yeah. Well, I just need to fill out this Census form with you. Uh.. how many people live in this residence?

Mr. Leonard:Oh, boy.. good question. I'm bad with numbers.. Maybe 80.

Census-Taker: 80 people live in this apartment?

Mr. Leonard: Seems high, doesn't it? Not 80. How about 4? I don't know.. I'm so bad at guestimating..

Census-Taker: Well, just take your time, and count.

Mr. Leonard: Okay.. there's me.. my wife.. our plants.. we have some candy bars..

Census-Taker: Well, you know, we don't count candy bars or plants..

Mr. Leonard: Well, then, there's just the two of us. Boy, I really overshot with the 80!

Census-Taker: Listen, don't worry about it. I'm gonna put you down as the Primary Resident, okay? Now, are you currently employed?

Mr. Leonard: Yeah.. part of the time.

Census-Taker: Well, you work part-time. How many days of the week?

Mr. Leonard: Every day.. but just part of the day. From 9 to 5.

Census-Taker: So, you work a full day?

Mr. Leonard: I wouldn't say that. There are huge chunks of time.. at night.. where I'm just asleep. For hours. It's ridiculous.

Census-Taker: No, it's not that ridiculous. Mr. Leonard, do you own or rent this apartment?

Mr. Leonard: Sure. You have to ask one of the other 79 people.

Census-Taker: You mean your wife?

Mr. Leonard: Yeah.

Census-Taker: Well, can I talk to her, then?

Mr. Leonard: She won't answer you. She's a bobcat.

Census-Taker: You got a bobcat in there?

Mr. Leonard: Well, I have a permit. [ reaches into apartment and pulls out a sheet of paper ] Here you go.

Census-Taker: [ examines paper ] This is a permit to run a nail salon.

Mr. Leonard: Wrong one! Wrong one! [ pulls another sheet of paper out of his apartment ]

Census-Taker: [ examines paper ] This is a permit to do street performances.

Mr. Leonard: Yeah. My wife's a big part of the act.

Census-Taker: [ shaking head ] You know what? Fine. [ changing subject ] Mr. Leonard, are you a citizen of the United States?

Mr. Leonard: I have dual-citizenship with the United States and Florida.

Census-Taker: Florida is a part of the United States.

Mr. Leonard: Don't push your politics on me, pal. All's I know is when I turned 50, I was issued a Florida passport. [ hands him the "passport" ] Here you go.

Census-Taker: [ examining "passport" ] Alright.. this is a novelty birthday card. And it says, "You're over the hill. Here's a passport to Florida." This is not a real passport.

Mr. Leonard: I don't know.. you know? Whenever I go to Florida, I show it at the border, and they always let me in!

Census-Taker: Listen, Mr. Leonard. A real passport wouldn't have a picture of a sexy nurse on it. This is a joke card.

Mr. Leonard: Well.. it's a hell of a forgery!

Census-Taker: [ exasperated ] Okay, let's just proceed as if this were going really well. Now, how long have you lived at this address?

Mr. Leonard: Oh, man! There you go with the numbers again!

Census-Taker: Just take your time.

Mr. Leonard: Well, what do most people say?

Census-Taker: That's not important!

Mr. Leonard: I feel an enormous amount of pressure to get this right. I want to win that car!

Census-Taker: [ shaking his head ] There's no car, Mr. Leonard! How long have you lived here?

Mr. Leonard: Alright, when I moved in, it was the Spring, and Clinton was President.. I'd just gotten out of jail.. I'd say an hour.

Census-Taker: Alright, let me go over this again, then. You are a convicted criminal, living alone in an apartment with a bobcat. And you work 56 hours a week as a street performer.

Mr. Leonard: When you say it like that, my life sounds pretty damn good!

Census-Taker: You know what? I've talked to a lot of people all over this country.. and your life is pretty damn good. You wanna get a beer?

Mr. Leonard: You know, I'd love to, but.. [ points into apartment ] ..you know.. the ol' ball and chain..

Census-Taker: Alright. Take care.

Mr. Leonard: Have a good one. [ returns into the apartment to find his bobcat/wife growling at him ] Again?! We just did it!

"Friday! WAZZZZUPPPP?!"

[Auntbee]

Speaking of BOB. My best friend's birthday (49) was last weekend and I gave her BOB as a gift because she never had one. She loves it. Wore BOB's batteries out in three days!

[Dead Corpse]

I actually picked up a copy of Battle Cattle. A bit low level and not quite up to the whole INWO standard. Try Proteus. Dice meets chess. You move a piece and change its face. This can either be deliberate, or you can go for a "roll of the die" random aspect.

Mas fun.

[peacebaby]

oh, that Howie Long! dumb me. yeah, he's sexy. Too young for me, though.

OK, what's your favorite sexy movie scene?

[appalachian_dweller]

>> It fits my wild side if I can find it. <<

Methings you have NO trouble finding your wild side. LOL!

I used to have a wild side, but it wore out.

[Jersey Republican Biker Chick]

Good for her. I'll bet she has a big smile that never goes away.

[The_Victor]

Third Reich was too strategically based for my tastes. Blitzkreig was a good game. I found Squad Leader in my parent's attic a few months ago. When my brother is in town for Thanksgiving, we'll have to get it out so we spend a few days arguing over the rules. Good times!

[JimWforBush]

You wouldnt want me to lie would you?

Of course not I always expect the truth from you.

[Fierce Allegiance]

what's your favorite sexy movie scene

When Mav has dinner with Charlie in Top Gun.

[EHC Southern Pride]

"Hey....blond cheerleaders turn out just fine and make wonderful future freepers"

Thats the best defense I've heard for blondes yet, lol.

I was a cheerleader all thru high school and college. Now I'm a confirmed FReeper, lol. Can't get enough of FR or of Friday Sillyness ; )

[Jersey Republican Biker Chick]

Basic Instinct and 9 1/2 Weeks had some great ones.

[appalachian_dweller]

>> appalachian_dweller for president !!!!!! <<

LOL!!! Can't. Don't like cities. The prez. has to live in DC. That'd drive nuts.

[SZonian]

Why do you want to don a flamesuit? That's pretty cool for you two!

Cheers!

[BJClinton]

ROTFLMAO! I remember that one.

Every sperm is sacred
every sperm is good
every sperm is needed
in your neighborhood!

KK, It's added. Wanker. :-P

[najida]

LOL!

Oh my. ;)

[Zavien Doombringer]

Psycho Kitty! You don't like to be crossed and
will take it out on anyone who is stupid enough
to try!

What kind of cat are you?
brought to you by Quizilla

[Fierce Allegiance]

Glad you like it here!

[TheBigB]

Hey, why aren't you over here playing? : )

[Fiddle E. Dee]

Fierce,

Hang in there! I'm sure it is a tough process to go through. Hope it all works out for the best for you.

F.E.D.

[PaulaB]

Thats the best defense I've heard for blondes yet, lol.

Thanks...we had/have potential

[Auntbee]

I told her a couple of months ago I was going to get it for her birthday and she didn't believe me. She's glad I did. Holy cow, I didn't know she was going to get that excited! She is very naive for her age. Led a very sheltered life. I'm corrupting her and having fun doing it!