*** OFFICIAL FRIDAY SILLINESS THREAD ***

7/22/05 | TheBigB

[TheBigB]

WOOOOO HOOOOO! YIPPEE-SKIP, and YABBA DABBA-DOO!!!!! It's FRIDAAAAAY! : ) Time for FRIDAY SILLINESS! As always, feel free to post jokes, silly pics, nonsensical statements, or even to IGNORE THIS THREAD!

The Census (SNL skit)

Census-Taker.....Tim Meadows Mr. Leonard.....Christopher Walken

Census-Taker: Mr. Leonard? I'm with the U.S. Census Bureau. We sent you a Census form, but you failed to return it to us.

Mr. Leonard: My mail is piled up like crazy.

Census-Taker: Yeah. Well, I just need to fill out this Census form with you. Uh.. how many people live in this residence?

Mr. Leonard:Oh, boy.. good question. I'm bad with numbers.. Maybe 80.

Census-Taker: 80 people live in this apartment?

Mr. Leonard: Seems high, doesn't it? Not 80. How about 4? I don't know.. I'm so bad at guestimating..

Census-Taker: Well, just take your time, and count.

Mr. Leonard: Okay.. there's me.. my wife.. our plants.. we have some candy bars..

Census-Taker: Well, you know, we don't count candy bars or plants..

Mr. Leonard: Well, then, there's just the two of us. Boy, I really overshot with the 80!

Census-Taker: Listen, don't worry about it. I'm gonna put you down as the Primary Resident, okay? Now, are you currently employed?

Mr. Leonard: Yeah.. part of the time.

Census-Taker: Well, you work part-time. How many days of the week?

Mr. Leonard: Every day.. but just part of the day. From 9 to 5.

Census-Taker: So, you work a full day?

Mr. Leonard: I wouldn't say that. There are huge chunks of time.. at night.. where I'm just asleep. For hours. It's ridiculous.

Census-Taker: No, it's not that ridiculous. Mr. Leonard, do you own or rent this apartment?

Mr. Leonard: Sure. You have to ask one of the other 79 people.

Census-Taker: You mean your wife?

Mr. Leonard: Yeah.

Census-Taker: Well, can I talk to her, then?

Mr. Leonard: She won't answer you. She's a bobcat.

Census-Taker: You got a bobcat in there?

Mr. Leonard: Well, I have a permit. [ reaches into apartment and pulls out a sheet of paper ] Here you go.

Census-Taker: [ examines paper ] This is a permit to run a nail salon.

Mr. Leonard: Wrong one! Wrong one! [ pulls another sheet of paper out of his apartment ]

Census-Taker: [ examines paper ] This is a permit to do street performances.

Mr. Leonard: Yeah. My wife's a big part of the act.

Census-Taker: [ shaking head ] You know what? Fine. [ changing subject ] Mr. Leonard, are you a citizen of the United States?

Mr. Leonard: I have dual-citizenship with the United States and Florida.

Census-Taker: Florida is a part of the United States.

Mr. Leonard: Don't push your politics on me, pal. All's I know is when I turned 50, I was issued a Florida passport. [ hands him the "passport" ] Here you go.

Census-Taker: [ examining "passport" ] Alright.. this is a novelty birthday card. And it says, "You're over the hill. Here's a passport to Florida." This is not a real passport.

Mr. Leonard: I don't know.. you know? Whenever I go to Florida, I show it at the border, and they always let me in!

Census-Taker: Listen, Mr. Leonard. A real passport wouldn't have a picture of a sexy nurse on it. This is a joke card.

Mr. Leonard: Well.. it's a hell of a forgery!

Census-Taker: [ exasperated ] Okay, let's just proceed as if this were going really well. Now, how long have you lived at this address?

Mr. Leonard: Oh, man! There you go with the numbers again!

Census-Taker: Just take your time.

Mr. Leonard: Well, what do most people say?

Census-Taker: That's not important!

Mr. Leonard: I feel an enormous amount of pressure to get this right. I want to win that car!

Census-Taker: [ shaking his head ] There's no car, Mr. Leonard! How long have you lived here?

Mr. Leonard: Alright, when I moved in, it was the Spring, and Clinton was President.. I'd just gotten out of jail.. I'd say an hour.

Census-Taker: Alright, let me go over this again, then. You are a convicted criminal, living alone in an apartment with a bobcat. And you work 56 hours a week as a street performer.

Mr. Leonard: When you say it like that, my life sounds pretty damn good!

Census-Taker: You know what? I've talked to a lot of people all over this country.. and your life is pretty damn good. You wanna get a beer?

Mr. Leonard: You know, I'd love to, but.. [ points into apartment ] ..you know.. the ol' ball and chain..

Census-Taker: Alright. Take care.

Mr. Leonard: Have a good one. [ returns into the apartment to find his bobcat/wife growling at him ] Again?! We just did it!

"Friday! WAZZZZUPPPP?!"

[Jersey Republican Biker Chick]

Way too surreal, the results to that quiz.

[hattend]

Sheesh!

Power Rangers Movie!

What movie Do you Belong in?(many different outcomes!)
brought to you by Quizilla

[Darksheare]

It said I belong in ET.

[musical_airman]

Maybe I should look through more of the thread before I post....... More Cowbell anyway......

[Jersey Republican Biker Chick]

Your word is: Helpless. You have so many emotions
bottled up inside and you are at the verge of a
breaking point. Life is just too painful
nowadays and you don't want to live it more.
You secretly wish someone would show their love
for you and save you from your dark thoughts.
You feel there is nothing you can do and may
turn to self-harming to relieve the stress. You
are also often depressed and may have thoughts
of death. Life didn't turn out the way you
wanted it to.

What dark word represents you? (anime pics and 7 outcomes)
brought to you by Quizilla

Wow this is sooooo true.

[PaulaB]

[The_Victor]

So that's where Cessnas come from.

[SZonian]

Interesting questions for that analysis, and the scary part is, I believe it nailed it.

SZ

[hattend]

Record breaking heatwave grips the US, hattend tries to stay cool:

[Miss Behave]

Too cute, hattend. And you have FReepmail. :-)

[Dead Corpse]

Your word is: Numb. You may have felt much before,
maybe even too much. But now there is nothing
or hardly anything left of the emotions.
Emotional pain is probably the cause of this,
but it's not like you care. To you everything
is meaningless, life is without flavour and you
wonder when it will end. Though you hardly feel
sad, you aren't seen happy so often either.
Perhaps someday you will be brought back to
life.

What dark word represents you? (anime pics and 7 outcomes)
brought to you by Quizilla

Not numb. I just don't care. The mechanism that would be numb is not there. INTJ's are like that. Life HAS flavor and meaning for me, just not the ones that everyone else seems to have or think I should have.

(/unfunny deep thoughts for the day)

[Izzy Dunne]

I'm diggin' it...

[Jersey Republican Biker Chick]

You are in a better place than I am I guess.

[Izzy Dunne]

Oh....... THAT sign !

[Darksheare]

???

Your word is: Brooding. You are a true thinker and
often try to figure out the meaning of life,
why we are all here etc. You may not be so
social, and often think twice before acting but
those thoughts you have in your mind never stop
flowing in. Sometimes you can be so
concentrated you forget about other things that
you have to do. Don't change, this world needs
deep people.

What dark word represents you? (anime pics and 7 outcomes)
brought to you by Quizilla

[Zacs Mom]

lol ~ I pretty much have had that philosophy most of my life, too. Sadly, however, I've discovered that the older you get the harder it is to "bounce back" from illness.....I've been fighting a nasty case of the Whooping Cough for nearly a month! I think I've finally beat it...I hope so anyway! It's taken a lot out of me energy wise.

Speaking of getting older ~ this is probably a good time for me to repost this link for those of you who may have missed it a few months ago ~

just click on the title to view it and be sure to have your speakers on.

[Jersey Republican Biker Chick]

ET, ok so you are a little alien, doesn't make you a bad person.