Posted on 06/30/2005 3:12:28 PM PDT by cowboyway
The top 40 things you would NEVER hear a Redneck say, no matter how much they've had to drink, no matter how far from the South they've wandered and no matter how much the skunks are threatening:
40. Oh, I just couldn't. Hell, she's only sixteen.
39. I'll take Shakespeare for 1000, Alex.
38. Duct tape won't fix that.
37. Honey, I think we should sell the pickup and buy a family sedan.
36. Come to think of it, I'll have a Heineken.
35. We don't keep firearms in this house.
34. Has anybody seen the sideburns trimmer?
33. You can't feed that to the dog.
32. I thought Graceland was tacky.
31. No kids in the back of the pickup, it's just not safe.
30. Wrestling's fake.
29. Honey, did you mail that donation to Greenpeace?
28. We're vegetarians.
27. Do you think my gut is too big?
26. I'll have grapefruit and grapes instead of biscuits and gravy.
25. Honey, we don't need another dog.
24. Who gives a crap who won the Civil War?
23. Give me the small bag of pork rinds.
22. Too many deer heads detract from the decor.
21. Spittin' is such a nasty habit.
20. I just couldn't find a thing at Wal-Mart today.
19. Trim the fat off that steak.
18. Cappuccino tastes better than Espresso.
17. The tires on that truck are too big.
16. I'll have the Arugula and Radicchio salad.
15. I've got it all on the C drive.
14. Unsweetened tea tastes better.
13. Would you like your fish poached or broiled?
12. My fiancee, Bobbie Jo, is registered at Tiffany's.
11. I've got two cases of Zima for the Super Bowl.
10. Little Debbie snack cakes have too many fat grams.
9. Checkmate.
8. She's too young to be wearing a bikini.
7. Does the salad bar have bean sprouts?
6. Hey, here's an episode of "Hee Haw" that we haven't seen.
5. I don't have a favorite college team.
4. Be sure to bring my salad dressing on the side.
3. You ALL.
2. Those shorts ought to be a little longer, Darla.
And the #1 thing that you would never hear a Redneck say.......
1. Nope, no more for me. I'm drivin' tonight
41. You know, those anti-war protesters have a good point
that's good
42. I just love the way that Kerry fellow looks so French.
43. I'd like a date with that Martha Stewart. She's hot.
44. Daddy, I want an iPod. Will you buy me one?
41. I cant do that, she's my cousin!!!
45. That Micheal was quite a catch for Lisa Marie, too bad she run him off.
We really have got to get them worthless cars off the yard. I just can't mow the grass properly.
Let's stop and read the instructions before we start puttin' it together.
46. We don't have room for another refrigerator in the back yard.
Wow, lots of rednecks in America then and i'm one of them.
"She is too heavy to be wearing that halter top."
Pray for W and Our Freedom Fighters
47-- I think I need wi-fi on my laptop!!
...Honey, you're right, let's clean up the front yard. I don't need all those extra spare-parts cars anymore...
Ping...
Honey, You can't wear spandex to a wedding.
46. No, I'm sorry; I'm out of Budweiser, but I have some very nice French wine. Would you like to share a bottle?
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