My Precious Wife, now a Mom: (A 'Bradley Method' & Mid-Wife report)

"I can DO this! I am ready to PUSH!" That is what Mrs. GoBucks was telling me on Tuesday afternoon, June 14th 2005. I was leaning over her, looking at her shining eyes and feeling a lot better about the next steps.

After 22 hours of utterly non-standard labor, I was relieved to see that. Shortly thereafter, she did it, and our son was born. He is 8lb 14 oz, now eating with gusto (she's making milk in direct proportion thankfully), and sleeping, ahem, 'like a baby'.

This report is a response to requests from other Freepers who had discussed some issues leading up to this beyond- words-happy event in my life. First it was about why epidurals are a deeply political topic, then circumcision, then Castor Oil and golf, and now, well now it is just sweet blissful joy mixed with total relief.

To begin, Mrs. Gb was late by several days. As students of the Bradley Method (Unmedicated Childbirth), our Midwife told us that we were running out of time for achieving that experience.

There are 4 midwives at the local ob/gyn practice, and we liked all of them, but they have to defer to the doctors once certain deadlines are reached. So, after some evaluation, she took a dose of Castor Oil on Monday at noon, and another 2 hours later. At 7pm, the contractions started, and we were elated.

But within about 4 hours, they were getting kind of strong, and oddly, getting close to 2 minutes apart. This is our first baby, and we expected the labor pains to be 4 to 20 minutes apart for awhile. All the Bradley technique stuff we learned was working great to keep the process going, but our midwife told us to go to the hospital. The timing of the contractions were non-standard.

We got there at 2am, and of course we were only at 1.5 cm dialation; then contractions slowed down for awhile, but then speeded up again and got stronger. At 7am, the midwife told us we were up to 7cm. Our elation grew stronger - at least, that was what I perceived. Mrs. Gb appeared to be just thrilled.

Up to this point, there was no medication or intervention. We felt great about the progress. During the next 4 hours, however, the labor pains, as expected, began to intensify to the point where Mrs. Gb was saying stuff that didn't sound so great like "I don't know if I can Do this", and where I was beginning to question the wisdom of 'natural childbirth'. Her contractions would sometimes last 3 minutes w/ a minute inbetween, then stop for 7/8 minutes, followed by a short 1 minute weak contraction. None of the books, traditional or otherwise had prepared us for this, and we had done a lot of homework.

The midwife at 12:00pm reported unhappy news: she was still at 7cm. After 4 hours of solid hurting, this made Mrs. GB not happy in the least, and we agreed to the first intervention - her waters were manually broken. This was supposed to help establish a 'regular pattern'. But it didn't, and her pains intensified, and she started reporting she was not going to be able to do it and wanted the epidural.

The midwife then said an epidural was going to be required along w/ pitocin because the three P's of birth, the 'passage, passenger, and power' indicated the power part was inadequate.

Privately to me, the midwife expressed concerns about turning over the process to the ob for a csection if things didn't turn around real fast. So, there I was, relatively alert, while Mrs. Gb was pretty much wiped out inbetween contractions. All our hard work about preparing for a Bradley Birth was going up in smoke. But for me it was transparent: I was told no progress was being made, thus, help was needed. In short order, the pit drip was established, and the epidural was in zip/zip.

I watched carefully. An array of tubes was soon attached to my wife in all kinds of ways. It was odd that the epidural medicine is actually kept in a transparent locked box, with a key that turns. It was odd that the nurse and epidural guy were moving so quickly through the protocol - but I knew it was normal, for they had done it dozens and dozens of times. Anyway, almost immediately, Mrs. Gb reported feeling a bit better.

The next 10 minutes were straight out of the twilight zone. Her blood pressure, near normal most of the time, suddenly became very low - really low. The beep beep sound of our son's heartbeat, which the whole time had ranged between 125 and 160, now was down to 85.....80 ....82...77....

I said to the midwife, 'is that my wife's heartbeat?' - she said, no, that was the baby's. Time began to stretch weirdly in the room as I watched a growing bee hive of activity around me with calls for more doctors to show up, and that a neonatologist needed to be 'standing by'.

In retrospect, the issue was this: epidurals often will make the blood pressure of Mom drop - and mechanically, if I understand this, it makes the placenta 'deflate' on the Mom's side. Our son, thus, had his air supply cut off, and the lowering heart rate was an indicator of that. I watched as an oxygen mask was placed on Mrs. Gb, and her eyes gave me a look that said this was not going as she'd hoped, and I squeezed her in hand agreement. In truth, I have never felt such complete bone-cold fear. I am absolutely nuts about my wife.

I watched as doctors were called in, consultations made, I watched as Mrs. Gb was told to turn on her side, and then felt a Niagra-Falls like wave of relief sweep through me as the heart tones of my son suddenly zoomed back up to 140.

The tension in the room was not replaced, however, and more consultations were made, and Mrs. Gb was told be still so that our son could catch his breath. However, she was also told the epidural had triggered some kind of 'release', and now she was fully dialated. Mrs. Gb looked hopeful again, and said she was ready to push. At first, the midwife was doubtful, saying things about a 'tight fit' and the head needed to move down more. The doctors too were saying things about how the 'baby wasn't really liking' what was going on and that if a delivery didn't happen in the next 20 minutes, a csection was next.

But Mrs. Gb urgently said to me she could DO this. And the midwife suddenly reported the passenger was making enough progress in the passage, and thus there was enough power.

To describe the next few minutes is simple: he was born, he cried, we cried, I felt the cord pulsate. I cut the cord, I took him to the warmer next to the bed and they checked him and weighed him. Mrs. Gb was thrilled, I was thrilled, but mostly I was nearly falling over from the waves of relief that were sweeping through me.

I am so proud of my wife. I could go on and on, but conclusions about the Bradley method and using a midwife are in order.

First off, the total amount of anxiety Mrs. Gb felt about childbirth itself was near zero - that was directly due to the Bradley class. For this reason at the least we recommend the class. We knew so much more about what was happening than we would have otherwise - we had also taken the hospital class, and it focused about 50 percent on the various interventions and medicines. The midwife we would use again absolutely. Unlike the doctors, her attitude was simple: she wanted us to have the birth experience we planned for, and she got in the way only as necessary for that. She was flat out wonderful. The doctors too were great as were the nurses, but the midwife was simply committed to what we planned for in a way that made ALL of the decisions we had to make easier.

And over the last few days, I have reviewed all the books and materials we have and discovered a book I hadn't spent much time in: Spiritual Midwifery by Ina May Gaskin. Not picking this book apart page by page was our mistake in this experience, but only in hindsight.

Mrs. GB from the getgo had 'dysfunctional labor' patterns. What we didn't know was that there are some midwives who don't believe in that, that it is a label invented by the medical establishment that ensures the odds are maximized that Mom and Baby leave the hospital alive and kicking. And thus, that the odds of a lawsuit are minimized.

I read about two women who were stuck at 7cm in this book, and then read about how that got resolved. And then, the clincher: the difference between the 3 P's philosophy, and the 'Sphincter Law'. I was pretty astounded. After reviewing that, I went to my wife and I asked her this question: was she afraid of anything during those final few hours?

Being a Mom was something that is loaded w/ all kinds of baggage. And she told me that during the labor (in fact, at the very moment when she initially learned she was all the way to 7cm) she began to fear that she couldn't DO this - not the give birth part, but become a good Mom.

In the book, the Sphincter Law basically is this: if deep, spiritually-related fears are not spoken and directly confronted, the cervix is likely to freeze up.

Now, as a rabid golfer, I understood this concept - but, we didn't know about the 'Sphincter Law' as it related to the upcoming work of labor and delivery. Our midwife didn't mention it, but our mid-wife also took a neutral view of our spirituality (we're both typical bible thumper high-on-Christ types). Our Bradley instructor didn't mention it either. All the websites we visited didn't mention it. But, it is clear to us in retrospect that the Sphincter Law was what took over. The hospital, no fault to them, was pretty much following what they have no choice but to follow, and we do indeed have a healthy baby as a result.

For for each hour after a certain deadline based on time of admission, the odds of a multimillion dollar lawsuit grow ... in short, once you enter the hospital as a woman, you have a ticking clock imposed on you (though they won't outright say that) and if you don't have that baby, they will get it out of you whether you are getting it out by your self or not.

So, our objective all along was beat the deadline and avoid the Csection - for we knew recovery and child care was going to be much, much harder with a Csection.

But now in retrospect, our objective from the start should have been 'look for the spiritual knowledge about childbirth that is out there first'. I am thinking had we done that, we might have succeeded. We have talked it over endlessly since, and of course, the next time will try again for totally unmedicated. And next time, I think we'll be successful. But in the meantime, I am going to have to endure the knowing smirks from an awful lot of women at church we know who thought we were nuts for even thinking about the Bradley Method. I intend to be gracious even so.

Now that all said, I must report the breastfeeding stuff over the next two days was nearly as stressful as the birth. By the grace of God, we had an appointment w/ a woman referred to us by La Leche League, and sure enough, all the tips, advice and what was actually taught to us by the professionals was just not right. This woman simply grabbed her breast in a way none of the others had, and held little Gb's head and then basically popped him on like a cork on a bottle. It was unreal the difference Mrs. Gb reported, and less than 12 hours later her milk came in. The relief from that was nearly as great, for at least THAT part of the plan was working out.

So now, I sit here typing, not really looking forward to tomorrow. My mother-in-law is arriving 'to help'. I love her of course, for without her, my life would really be awful b/c Mrs. Gb wouldn't be in it. But she says stuff that directly contradicts my authority in my own home. When I am visiting her home, I shut up, and go along to get along ... but now she is coming here, and wants to transplant her home rules into mine.

I don't know how to make her understand that Mrs. Gb is indeed a woman with a name that I gave her on her wedding day (in fact, Mrs. Gb and I realize that her wedding day was more like her 'birthday'. After that talk, the importance of wedding anniversaries took on a whole new meaning for me). I have a challenge ahead of me in any event.

So, given that I always love Freeper Advice as it is usually excellent, anyone out there know of a spiritual management book for Mother's in Law you'd recommend? :)

As my father used to say about night carrier landings,
"Any landing you walk away from is a perfect landing!"
Your baby is here and healthy, your wife is in one piece, and your life will never be the same.

Congratulations!!! Happy Father's Day!!! And ALL of that stuff!!

All right!

I wish I had told you more about my labor, because my contractions BEGAN at two minutes apart and stayed that way throughout the labor and delivery. Never changed. Otherwise labor wasn't "atypical" except that it was very rapid.

Sounds like things went well except for the typical alarums and excursions. Glad mama and baby are doing O.K.

"But, given she is basically hostage to feeding him all the time, I have to go cook, again, now...., and we have visitors, again, soon...and the house is a mess, ...."

Congratulations. But take my word for it: there will come
a day when you will say to yourself--very secretly--"Gosh I wish he were a baby again. Those were some of the best days of my life. Even when I had to cook and the house was always messy."

Congratualtions!! And Happy Father's Day!!!

I did Bradley method 25 years ago. The hospital was not so enthusiastic and my son got "stuck" and the contractions stopped. They were pulling in people just like you describe and I got stubborn (not exactly in a resonable state of mind I guess). I actually got out of bed at one point. Then this doctor walked in the room and said "this is NOT a problem", did a little manipulation and my son came out like a freight train.

I was up walking around in a few hours - the nurses and other patients were in shock.

I'm pleased to see there is so much more information available now and that people have expanded their knowledge.

C O N G R A T U L A T I O N S !!!!!!!!!!!!!!

What an awesome experience .. God Bless you, Mrs. GB and Baby GB. And, GB, the best part is yet ahead! You have so much to look forward to as he grows. I'm very happy and excited for you. (do we get pix posted?)

This is fabulous news!! I'm sending a hearty "ATTAGIRL!" to Mrs. Gobucks, and an equally heartfelt "Welcome, Kiddo!" to our newest Freeper, BabyGobucks!

I hope you will continue to write these hilarious and insightful threads, I've enjoyed them thoroughly.

Now, I'm moved to paraphrase (loosely) John Voigt from Midnight Cowboy, "Go Bucks, Go Bucks, Go Bucks!" (sorry, bad movie joke!)

First of all, congratulations on the birth of your baby! Your wife did a great job. He was a big boy like my first. I feel for your wife because I think first time births experiences can be the worst--at least from what I've experienced with my first compared to my second (hoping the third is even easier than the second). This is what I felt like after the long hard ordeal of my first--very emotional, very overwhelmed, very tired but adrenaline was pumping so I couldn't sleep, and disappointed about the birth experience. If I could recommend a few things, I would say get her eating some healthy food (I'm sure she's already doing that if she's nursing), have her take her vitamins, have her drink lots and lots of water, and let her sleep as much as she wants/can. Sleep depreviation made my depression worse.

As far as MIL, sounds like she is the typical MIL. I've heard of a book called Toxic In-Laws: Loving Strategies for Protecting Your Marriage, but I've never read it.

http://www.amazon.com/exec/obidos/tg/detail/-/0060507853/qid=1119108282/sr=8-1/ref=pd_bbs_ur_1/102-8804038-2492964?v=glance&s=books&n=507846

I don't know if you feel your MIL fits in the toxic category or just the annoying category, but that's the only book I know of--I'm sure there are others out there.

Good luck to you and check in with us periodically, if you care to, and let us know how you all are doing.

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