Posted on 05/12/2005 6:08:41 AM PDT by Hostage
Operator: Thank you for calling Pizza Hit. May I have your national ID number?
Customer: Hi, I'd like to place an order.
Operator: I must have your NIDN first, sir.
Customer: My National ID Number, yeah, hold on, eh, it's 6102049998-45-54610.
Operator: Thank you Mr Sheehan. I see you live at 1742 Meadowland Drive, and the phone number is 494-2360. Your office number over at Lincoln Insurance is 745-2300 and your cell number is 266-2560. Email address is sheehan@ home.net. Which number are you calling from sir?
Customer: Huh? I'm at home. Where'd you get all this information?
Operator: We're wired into the HSS, sir.
Customer: The HSS, what is that?
Operator: We're wired into the Homeland Security System, sir. This will add only 15 seconds to your ordering time.
Customer: (sighs) Oh well, I'd like to order a couple of your All-Meat Special pizzas.
Operator: I don't think that's a good idea, sir.
Customer: Whaddya mean?
Operator: Sir, your medical records and commode sensors indicate that you've got very high blood pressure and extremely high cholesterol. Your National Health Care provider won't allow such an unhealthy choice.
Customer: What?!?! What do you recommend, then?
Operator: You might try our low-fat Soybean Pizza. I'm sure you'll like it.
Customer: What makes you think I'd like something like that?
Operator: Well, you checked out 'Gourmet Soybean Recipes' from your local library last week, sir. That's why I made the suggestion.
Customer: All right, all right. Give me two family-sized ones, then.
Operator: That should be plenty for you, your wife and your four kids. Your 2 dogs can finish the crusts, sir. Your total is $49.99. Customer: Lemme give you my credit card number.
Operator: I'm sorry sir, but I'm afraid you'll have to pay in cash Your credit card balance is over its limit.
Customer: I'll run over to the ATM and get some cash before your driver gets here.
Operator: That won't work either, sir. Your checking account is overdrawn also.
Customer: Never mind! Just send the pizzas. I'll have the cash ready. How long will it take?
Operator: We're running a little behind, sir. It'll be about 45 minutes, sir. If you're in a hurry you might want to pick'em up while you're out getting the cash, but then, carrying pizzas on a motorcycle can be a little awkward.
Customer: Wait! How do you know I ride a scooter?
Operator: It says here you're in arrears on your car payments, so your car got repo'ed. But your Harley's paid for and you just filled the tank yesterday.
Customer: Well, I'll be a Son of a Bitch
Operator: I'd advise watching your language, sir. You've already got a July 4, 2003 conviction for cussing out a cop and another one I see here in September for contempt at your hearing for cussing at a judge. Oh yes, I see here that you just got out from a 90 day stay in the State Correctional Facility. Is this your first pizza since your return to society?
Customer: (speechless)
Operator: Will there be anything else, sir?
Customer: Yes, I have a coupon for a free 2 liter of soda..
Operator: I'm sorry sir, but our ad's exclusionary clause prevents us from offering free soda to diabetics. The New Constitution prohibits this.
Thank you for calling Pizza Hit
One day, we may all be reduced to mere numbers. Where have I heard that before? What was that poem again?
This piece is probably what the future will hold...be well, citizen.
Truth is stranger than fiction.
ping!
I thought you all might like this one.
Sounds like the script of a quicktime video I recently saw on the
aclu.org website. Can't seem to locate it now but didn't do an
exhaustive search. It was under the Privacy category.
Thanks for the morning laugh!
It scares me because we are heading that way! And getting closer everyday.
Somewhere I heard this on the web. Can't remember what site it was, but it has this sound recorded.
HAHAHAHHAAHHAHAHAHA
Hilarious! Thanks for alerting me to this one Argh........
Well? Whaddya bet? This'll happen within 3 years of Hillary winning the Presidency? Longer than that? Shorter?
Well my cholesterol dropped 60 points so I'm going to order whatever I want! lol
Oh great, thanks for the ping... now I'm hungry for pizza, I just won't be calling in the order. You did this on purpose didn't you?????
I think it was at http://www.aclu.org/pizza/
But I won't link it cause that may not be right.
Disclaimer: Opinions posted on Free Republic are those of the individual posters and do not necessarily represent the opinion of Free Republic or its management. All materials posted herein are protected by copyright law and the exemption for fair use of copyrighted works.