Posted on 05/06/2005 7:52:07 AM PDT by TheBigB
What, it's Friday again? WHY YES IT IS!!!! :) Woo Hoo! Time to have some fun!
"Let's kick out the jams! No mooshing...this is not a Limp Bisquick concert!"
Maria S. turned 18 last week. Your thoughts are now legal. 
"Silliness? Fascinating." 
(The ONLY true Star Trek)
ALWAYS recycle! 
Subject: Fw: A Dog or A Hen
Harry did like he always does, kissing his wife, crawling into bed and falling to sleep. All of a sudden, he wakes up with an elderly man dressed in a cowl standing in front of his bed.
"What the hell are you doing in my bedroom?......and who are you?" he asked.
"This is not your bedroom," the man replied, "I am St. Peter, and you are in heaven."
"WHAT?? Are you saying I'm dead? I don't want to die.....I'm too young." said Harry. "If I'm dead, I want you to send me back immediately."
"It's not that easy", said St. Peter, "you can only return as a dog or a hen. You can choose on your own..."
Harry thought about it for a while, and figured out that being a dog is too tiring, but a hen probably has a nice and relaxed life. Running around with a rooster can't be that bad. "I want to return as a hen." Harry replied.
In the next second, he found himself in a chicken run, really nicely feathered. But man, now "he" felt like the rear end was gonna blow........then along came the rooster.
"Hey, you must be the new hen on the farm." he said. "How does it feel?"
"Well, it's OK I guess, but it feels like my rear end is blowing up."
"Oh that!" said the rooster. "That's only the ovulation going on. Have you never laid an egg before??"
"No, how do I do that?" Harry asked. "Cluck twice, and then you push all you can." Harry clucked twice, and pushed more than he was good for, and then 'Plop' and an egg was on the ground.
"Wow" Harry said "that felt really good!" So he clucked again and squeezed.
And you better believe that there was yet another egg on the ground.
The third time he clucked, he heard his wife shout: "Harry, for God's sake wake up, you're crapping all over the bed!"
LOL!!!
I had no idea how that one was gonna end up.
One day a florist goes to a barber for a haircut. After the cut he asked about his bill and the barber replies: “I’m sorry, I cannot accept money from you; I’m doing community service this week.”
The florist is pleased and leaves the shop. Next morning when the barber goes to open there is a thank you card and a dozen roses waiting for him at his door.
Later, a cop comes in for a haircut, and when he goes to pay his bill the barber again replies: “I’m sorry, I cannot accept money; I’m doing community service this week.”
The cop is happy and leaves the shop. Next morning when the barber goes to open up there is a thank you card and a dozen donuts waiting for him at his door.
Later a Republican comes in for a haircut, and when he goes to pay his bill the barber again replies: “I’m sorry, I cannot accept money from you; I’m doing community service this week.”
The Republican is very happy and leaves the shop. Next morning when the barber goes to open, there is a thank you card and a dozen different books such as “How to improve your business and becoming more successful.”
Then a Democrat comes in for a haircut, and when he goes to pay his bill the barber again replies: “I’m sorry, I cannot accept money from you; I’m doing community service this week.”
The Democrat is very happy and leaves the shop. The next morning when the barber goes to open up, there are a dozen Democrats lined up waiting for a free haircut.
I was laughing so hard at my desk, some of my co-workers had to see what was so funny. I told them, I'll just send you the email. They thought it was funny too.
A man doing market research knocked on a door and was greeted by a young woman with three small children running around at her feet.
He says, "I'm doing some research for Vaseline. Have you ever used the product?"
She says, "Yes. My husband and I use it all the time."
"And if you don't mind me asking, what do you use it for?"
"We use it for sex."
The researcher was a little taken aback. "Usually people lie to me and say that they use it on a child's bicycle chain or to help with a gate hinge. But, in fact, I know that most people do use it for sex. I admire you for your honesty." "Since you've been frank so far, can you tell me exactly how you use it for sex?"
The woman says, "I don't mind telling you at all. My husband and I put it on the door knob and it keeps the kids out."
And you thought it was gonna be a dirty joke . .
I am trying to have a fun Friday, but I am too busy feeling pure hatred for Cingular Wireless.
The hatred will never leave even if you switch providers.
Sincerly
A man of Experience.
You don't really need a cellphone anyway! ha! ;^D
Me too, the boss is away but people keep bothering me with work. Of all the dang nerve....
They didn't cut my bill when it allegedly was supposed to have cycled. As a result, they claim I am 282 minutes over my plan, which, had they cut the bill on the day they were supposed to, would not be the case.
Ugh. IMO, people should show some respect for others who are attempting to "phone it in" at work. :-P
And you'll never talk to the same person twice as they work on it so you get to tell the story over and over and over and over and over.......
Then you'll threaten to leave cingular.
Then you will leave cingular and they'll call you in two weeks wanting you back and want to switch you for free with all kinds of extra minutes.
Sincerly
A man of Experience
very funnnhyyyyyyyyy!!!!!
LOL!
I swear, they're acting like I'm the only engineer here today.
Oh wait...I am. Ooops.
Modern life without a cell phone is not any kind of life at all
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