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Alcohol Warning
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Posted on 03/28/2005 12:08:15 PM PST by PoorMuttly
Subject: ALCOHOL WARNING Due to increasing products liability litigation, American liquor manufacturers have accepted the FDA's suggestion that the following warning labels be placed immediately on all varieties of alcohol containers: ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
WARNING: The consumption of alcohol may make you think you are whispering when you are not. ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
WARNING: The consumption of alcohol is a major factor in dancing like a retard. ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
WARNING: The consumption of alcohol may cause you to tell your friends over and over again that you love them. ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
WARNING: The consumption of alcohol may cause you to think you can sing. ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
WARNING: The consumption of alcohol may lead you to believe that ex-lovers are really dying for you to telephone them at four in the morning. ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
WARNING: The consumption of alcohol may make you think you can logically converse without spitting. ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
WARNING: The consumption of alcohol may create the illusion that you are tougher, smarter, faster and better looking than most people. ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
WARNING: The consumption of alcohol may lead you to think people are laughing WITH you. ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
WARNING: The consumption of alcohol may cause pregnancy. ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
WARNING: The consumption of alcohol may leave you wondering what the hell happened to your underwear. ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
WARNING: The consumption of alcohol may be a major factor in getting your ass kicked. ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
WARNING: The crumsumpten of alcohol may Mack you tink you kan type reel gode.~
TOPICS: Humor
KEYWORDS: alcohol; fda; warninglabels
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To: PoorMuttly
I've seen it before, but it's good for a smile. BTTT
2
posted on
03/28/2005 12:09:54 PM PST
by
Richard Kimball
(It was a joke. You know, humor. Like the funny kind. Only different.)
To: shaggy eel; Squantos; Lurker
*Ping*
Alert the troops.
This is significant information.
3
posted on
03/28/2005 12:13:44 PM PST
by
PoorMuttly
("Out of the Bat-Cave and through the woods, to PoorMuttly's house we go"-Shakespeare, me pretty sure)
To: Richard Kimball
Ahhh....but did you HEED it ?!!
4
posted on
03/28/2005 12:15:43 PM PST
by
PoorMuttly
("Out of the Bat-Cave and through the woods, to PoorMuttly's house we go"-Shakespeare, me pretty sure)
To: PoorMuttly; Cagey
WARNING: The consumption of alcohol is a major factor in dancing like a retard. So true as witnessed at many weddings receptions.
But some people don't even need to be drunk...
5
posted on
03/28/2005 12:19:38 PM PST
by
MotleyGirl70
("Wild, wild horses couldn't drag me away.." :)
To: Owl_Eagle
6
posted on
03/28/2005 12:48:42 PM PST
by
Jersey Republican Biker Chick
(People too weak to follow their own dreams, will always find a way to discourage yours.)
To: PoorMuttly
There are 4 stages of Tequila
2 shots...I'm Rich
4 shots...I'm good looking
6 shots...I'm bullet proof
8 shots...I'm Invisible
7
posted on
03/28/2005 12:51:20 PM PST
by
Jersey Republican Biker Chick
(People too weak to follow their own dreams, will always find a way to discourage yours.)
To: Jersey Republican Biker Chick
Alcohol, the cause of, and solution to all of life's problems.
You know, manys the time that after work, with all good intentions, I set straight off for home. Next thing I know, I'm sitting in a bar somewhere, talking real loud to some guy I don't know, about something I've got no idea what it is.
Love me, love my violent alcoholic rages.
Owl_Eagle
8
posted on
03/28/2005 1:19:46 PM PST
by
End Times Sentinel
(In Memory of my Dear Friend Henry Lee II)
To: Owl_Eagle
Violent alcoholic rages don't make you a bad person.
9
posted on
03/28/2005 1:22:03 PM PST
by
Jersey Republican Biker Chick
(People too weak to follow their own dreams, will always find a way to discourage yours.)
To: Jersey Republican Biker Chick
That's what I told that stupid judge, but I've still got to take the court ordered injections.
Owl_Eagle
10
posted on
03/28/2005 1:24:35 PM PST
by
End Times Sentinel
(In Memory of my Dear Friend Henry Lee II)
To: Owl_Eagle
"...the court ordered injections."Are they good? Why didn't you share?
11
posted on
03/28/2005 1:32:47 PM PST
by
Jersey Republican Biker Chick
(People too weak to follow their own dreams, will always find a way to discourage yours.)
To: Jersey Republican Biker Chick
Me think #114 is X-Ray Vision.........
.....and #237 is Teleportation...not to be confused with having been dragged by the collar, to the Drunk Tank.
I suppose....but it's hard to prove.
Forgot which number is Mind Reading.
12
posted on
03/28/2005 1:32:57 PM PST
by
PoorMuttly
("Out of the Bat-Cave and through the woods, to PoorMuttly's house we go"-Shakespeare, me pretty sure)
To: Owl_Eagle
Fugly women need loving too, and alcohol makes that happen right around closing time.
13
posted on
03/28/2005 1:36:11 PM PST
by
Sybeck1
(Michael, is it the movie and books deals you're waiting for, my boy?)
To: MotleyGirl70
She's dancing like an O-Ring.
14
posted on
03/28/2005 2:24:59 PM PST
by
Cagey
To: Jersey Republican Biker Chick
There are 4 stages of Tequila 2 shots...I'm Rich 4 shots...I'm good looking
6 shots...I'm bullet proof
8 shots...I'm Invisible
You forgot how to count using Tequila...
One tequila....
Two tequila.....
Three tequila.....
Floor
15
posted on
03/28/2005 2:30:27 PM PST
by
NorCoGOP
(Visit my blog! http://shawnsblogroom.blogspot.com)
To: Cagey
OMG! You crack me up! My stomach hurts from laughing.
I think you would fit in with the Poobah's just fine. Albeit, the only male, I could try to get you initiated. LOL!
16
posted on
03/28/2005 4:17:24 PM PST
by
MotleyGirl70
("Wild, wild horses couldn't drag me away.." :)
To: PoorMuttly
Oldie but a goodie, PM. Thx.
17
posted on
03/28/2005 4:19:21 PM PST
by
7.62 x 51mm
(• Veni • Vidi • Vino • Visa • "I came, I saw, I drank wine, I shopped")
To: PoorMuttly
My buddy was over this afternoon demonstrating the truth of Number 3.
Mrs. L finally tossed him out.
L
18
posted on
03/28/2005 4:46:23 PM PST
by
Lurker
(Remember the Beirut Bombing; 243 dead Marines. The House of Assad and Hezbollah did it..)
To: PoorMuttly
The consumption of alcohol may cause you to wonder why you married the person lying next to you.
19
posted on
03/28/2005 5:41:08 PM PST
by
Nightshift
(judge greer: legally blind and blind legally)
To: 7.62 x 51mm
Thought it may be an older one...but I have since deduced that somehow my Kibble had fermented.
..could have been done by the same saboteur who somehow put a pea under all of my mattresses. Me surrounded by assassins.
20
posted on
03/28/2005 7:38:04 PM PST
by
PoorMuttly
("Out of the Bat-Cave and through the woods, to PoorMuttly's house we go"-Shakespeare, me pretty sure)
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