I am bored out of my mind. This schiavo mess and its coverage is saddening. I need a boost. Somebody make me laugh!!!
I know how you feel. Yesterday I vowed to laugh, just to break the monotony. Well at the end of the day, I found some funny things to joke about.
I fear that the end is close for Terri. Judge Greer has won. So I again vow to laugh today. So I am going to be looking for the jokes with you.
Three men die on the same day and find themselves outside the Pearly Gates. St. Peter meets them and explains that Heaven is getting a bit crowded so they've instituted a test to gain admittance to Paradise. He looks at the first guy and asks, "What is Easter?"
"Easter," the guy says, "That's the holiday when the family gets together and cooks a big turkey dinner. Everybody sits around eating and watching football. That's Easter."
"Sorry," says St. Pete, "You're wrong. You go to Hell." He turns the the next man and repeats the question.
"Easter," the man says. "That's when everybody gets together and decorate the tree, buys presents, sings carols, and enjoys the Easter holiday season. That's Easter."
"Sorry," says St. Pete, "You're wrong. You go to Hell." He turns the the last man and repeats the question.
"Easter," the man says. "On Good Friday, Jesus was crucified on the cross, died and was buried. Three days later he rose from the dead, left the tomb, saw his shadow, and there were six more weeks...
"A slipping gear could let your M203 grenade launcher fire when you least expect it. That would make you quite unpopular in what's left of your unit."
-Army's magazine of preventive maintenance.
"Aim towards the Enemy."
-Instruction printed on US Rocket Launcher
"When the pin is pulled, Mr. Grenade is not our friend."
-U.S. Marine Corps
"Cluster bombing from B-52s is very, very accurate. The bombs are guaranteed to always hit the ground."
-U.S.A.F. Ammo Troop
"If the enemy is in range, so are you."
-Infantry Journal
"It is generally inadvisable to eject directly over the area you just bombed."
-U.S. Air Force Manual
"Whoever said the pen is mightier than the sword obviously never encountered automatic weapons."
-Gen.Mac Arthur
"Try to look unimportant; they may be low on ammo."
-Infantry Journal
"You, you, and you . . . Panic. The rest of you, come with me."
-U.S. Marine Corp Gunnery Sgt.
"Tracers work both ways."
-U.S. Army Ordnance
"Five second fuses only last three seconds."
-Infantry Journal
"Don't ever be the first, don't ever be the last, and don't ever volunteer to do anything."
-U. S Navy Swabbie
"Bravery is being the only one who knows you're afraid."
-David Hackworth
"If your attack is going too well, you're walking into an ambush."
-Infantry Journal
"No combat ready unit has ever passed inspection."
-Joe Gay
"Any ship can be a minesweeper... once."
-Anon
"Never tell the Platoon Sergeant you have nothing to do."
-Unknown Marine Recruit
"Don't draw fire; it irritates the people around you."
-Your Buddies
"If you see a bomb technician running, follow him & try to pass him."
-U.S.A.F. Ammo Troop
Shalom.
OK. Well, I am doing "The Adventures of Stupid Stick Man" comics for my husband (drawn on yellow tablet paper).
Today's "Stupid Stick Man" comic is a drawing of a very lame stick man on the beach. He is kicking sand in a bully's face and the bully is saying, "Hey! What th...? Who's kickin' sand in my face?"
Stupid Stick Man is just smiling and continuing to kick sand. - I did one yesterday, but I can't remember right now how it went. I'll look for it (probably in File 13 under his desk).
New Florida tourism slogan:
Disabled? Infirm? Come to Florida. We'll "TAKE CARE" of you.
I think someone should start a thread with new Florida slogans. Not me, though. Not clever enough.