Lots of Freepers Are Dumber Than a Box of Hair (can you folks help me on this?)

March 23, 2005 | JohnRobertson

[John Robertson]

Fat chicks with big hair stand out like an elephant at a flamingo farm.

I didn't know that till I read it here. I read this here, too, in response to someone who was making too fine a point on something: My, my, picking pepper out of flyshit, aren't we?

What are the coolest expressions you know? The greatest folksy putdowns? The wish-I'd'a-said-that comebacks. The most colorful damned American ways of saying things?

Care to share? I would very much like to liven up my smartmouth. Thank you, folks.

And for those of you who got nothin'...please refer back to the title. Just kidding: I heard that on FR too.

[Muleteam1]

She threw a boomerang and it wouldn't even come back.

[Samwise]

You're a genius! Yes, that's where Dad got it. We had to sing that in school, too.

Get out of the way old Dan Tucker
You're too late to get your supper
Supper's over and breakfast's cooking
Old Dan Tucker just stand there looking

[bobbyd]

ping

[hispanarepublicana]

uglier than:
a mud fence
homemade soap
a bowling shoe

[Samwise]

We had to tie a porkchop around her neck so the dog would play with her.

[hispanarepublicana]

a classic: Did your mother have any children that lived?

[Don Munn]

I understand your brother was an only child.

[agrace]

I'm from Pennsyltucky - ever heard that one? My dad grew up on a farm in southern central PA - a little town called Railroad. He truly did walk to school a couple miles uphill both ways, after milking the cows at dawn. :) He used to be baffled that I wanted to wear jeans more than anything since he "hated dungarees growing up" because he was too poor to wear anything else.

As a teen I thought he was nuts, but now I know he's the wisest man I've ever known, and what a work ethic. Funny how kids think they know so much, then they grow up and realize their parents were pretty smart after all. My dad made me the conservative I am today, no doubt. He has a picture of W on his office wall and loves Ronald Reagan most of all.

My husband and I and our kids live in OH now, and after spending years in CT, NYC and NJ, it was like coming home.

[agrace]

Richard Kimball, you are AWESOME! And thanks for the ping, Samwise.

[mother22wife21]

Boy, you're squirrel bait.

He's a little lite in the loafers.

[Richard Kimball]

Boy, the shadow of your @ss weighs twenty pounds.
You could raise gold fish in your navel.
How many lives did you save when you jumped on that wrinkle bomb?
Get a girl into bed? I'll bet you couldn't get one into a chair.
You ever just use your navel for a koozie?
You gonna buy your girlfriend a glove for Valentine's Day?
Opening to a letter: "Dear sir, and whoever is reading this to you"
Oh yeah, she's big into charity. She handles all the policemen's balls.

[John Robertson]

Fantastic. Thank you. The response has been fast. And wise. And silly. Appreciated.

[Forgiven_Sinner]

Fun thread. My contributions:

If you had one more brain, it'd be lonely.

He's got termites in his tower.

He's got bats in his belfry.

He's a few cards short of a full deck.

He's a few bricks short of a full load.

If your brains were gasoline, you wouldn't have enough to power an ant's motorcycle around the inside of a Cherrio.

When they handed out the brains, you thought they said "trains" and you wanted to be in the caboose, so you went to the back of the line.

Dad to me: "Go outside and play in the middle of the street."

Dad to me: "I don't know why we adopted you. We should have gotten a cocker spaniel."

To get the dog to play with you, we had to tie a steak around your neck.

My Dad taught me to swim. It wasn't too bad once I got out of the bag. The manacles made it hard, though.

[AlbertWang]

Beauty is only skin deep. Ugly runs clean to the bone.

[John Robertson]

Actually, my smart mouth has gotten me into heaps of trouble. I was born with quite a big one.

As for your response...this is to have a little fun, okay? Spare me your inappropriate response.

[harrowup]

""Listen. I don't have time to wait around for your brainstem to bud.""

OMG, now that's funny!

That is definitely a keeper. All I have to offer is:

Don't drink and drive. Drink until you can't walk. No pedestrian has ever been killed who is too drunk to walk.

[carl in alaska]

Then of course, for the guy who's just made a totally confused, incomprehensible statement: "I'm afraid his train of thought left the station yesterday."

[harrowup]

Shirley, someone has told you that if you were twice as smart as you think you are you'd still be stupid?

[harrowup]

Shirley, someone has told you that if you were twice as smart as you think you are you'd still be stupid?

[Khurkris]

"As useful as a chocolate tea pot"