What Your Drink Says About You (very funny)

funtimes.com ^ | 12/04 | staff

[pissant]

Bartenders were asked if they could nail a woman's personality based on what she drinks. Though interviewed separately, they concurred on almost all counts.

The results (female):

Drink: Beer Personality: Casual, low-maintenance; down to Earth. Your Approach: Challenge her to a game of pool.

Drink: Blender Drinks Personality: Flaky, annoying; a pain in the butt. Your Approach: Avoid her, unless you want to be her cabin boy.

Drink: Mixed Drinks Personality: Older, has picky taste; knows what she wants. Your Approach: You won't have to approach her. She'll send YOU a drink.

Drink: Wine - (does not include white zinfandel, see below) Personality: Conservative and classy, sophisticated. Your Approach: Tell her you wish Reagan had had four more years . . . Alzheimer's and term limits be damned.

Drink: White Zin Personality: Easy; thinks she is classy and sophisticated, actually has no clue. Your Approach: Make her feel smarter than she is...

Drink: Shots Personality: Hanging with frat-boy pals or looking to get drunk...and naked. Your Approach: Easiest hit in the joint. Nothing to do but wait.

Then there is the male addendum .... The deal with guys is, as always, = very simple and clear cut.

Domestic Beer: He's poor and wants to get some.

Imported Beer: He likes good beer and wants to get some.

Wine: He's hoping that the wine thing will give him a sophisticated image to help him get some.

Whiskey: He doesn't give two rats about anything but getting some.

Tequila: Piss off, all you wankers, I'm gonna go shag something.

White Zin: He's gay.

[RedBloodedAmerican]

Why, sweet iced tea, of course! Southern Gentleman! :oP

[Clemenza]

Wine: He's hoping that the wine thing will give him a sophisticated image to help him get some.

I'VE BEEN EXPOSED!!!

[anniegetyourgun]

Do you respect pissant more or less after your beer?

[pissant]

Sure its not White zin. You are in Seattle afterall. ;o)

[Neets]

Here ya go babe

[Dashing Dasher]

Thank you!!!!
I'm playing it now!

[Clemenza]

White Zin is an abomination. If I ever meet Mr. Trinchero (inventor of White Zinfandel) of Sutter Home fame, I will give him a piece of my mind. Of course, I don't think he will care, as the Trincheros cry all the way to the bank.

Besides, we all know that Peter Puffers prefer Australian Shiraz.

[anniegetyourgun]

First choice? a heavy cabernet
Second choice? a white russian

Yep, that's me....old, picky, classy, self-assured, and wishing Reagan were still in the saddle.....

[RedBloodedAmerican]

Thanks! Hey, Gramma was a Florida cracker, and she would load her iced tea with bourbon. I found that out by accident when I tossed what I thought was her watered-down tea into the drain...I got my butt whupped by a 90 yr old! LOL

[pissant]

Australian Shiraz is a definite no in my house, 'specially since Washington Syrah is much better.

[Neets]

Now you know better than to mess with a woman and her bourbon!!!

[P.O.E.]

Yuengling Premium.

Around the holidays, a glass or two of good port.

At the martini bar? A premium vodka gibson with three small ice cubes.

[RedBloodedAmerican]

Hey, when I lived in Alameda I visited/stayed at a cottage at Milano Winery near Napa one year. The guy who owned it at the time grew up there - he inherited it from his dad - and he said he used to play with neighboring kids, like the Fetzer boys and some others who I forget their name now (this was 1990). Anyhow, he said nowadays almost all wines are "blends", that the growers all buy from each other and blend their stuff and rename it to save money. Yuck! Although Milano had some great stuff. Oregon and Washington wines are nice, although I don't drink anymore (but cook with red occasionally). Similar climate to France in that region for grape growing.

[pissant]

Vodka blasphemes a martini glass. Gin only!

[RedBloodedAmerican]

You aren't kidding! And my other gramma would make fruit cake with enough booze in it to make you into a Molotov cocktail.

[samiam1972]

Okay, this was kind of fun!
"Drink: Wine - (does not include white zinfandel, see below) Personality: Conservative and classy, sophisticated. Your Approach: Tell her you wish Reagan had had four more years . . . Alzheimer's and term limits be damned."

I found a Missouri wine (don't laugh) that I really enjoy. Adam Puchta's Vignoles. Delicious!

The drink really depends on my mood, though. Beer on a hot summer evening, wine at the house with friends, Makers and Coke when out playing.

I'm going to pass this on to the girlfriends!

[pissant]

Makers and coke is very tasty, if you leave out the coke. ;0)

[Clemenza]

The larger vineyards (Sutter, Gallo, Mondavi, Fetzer, etc.) tend to blend from several vineyards both company and non-company owned and are therefore not "estate" bottled. The more high quality (and expensive!) wines in California are still estate grown. Most Oregon Pinot is estate grown, while Washington reds are, like California, more mixed.

Also keep in mind that much of the wine being sold in stores is either owned by Gallo (see Rancho Zabasco and Ecco Domani) or Constellation Brands (Mondavi and Clois Du Bois, I believe), although you will not see the parent company's name on the bottle.

[samiam1972]

I REALLY don't want any hair on my chest!!! ;-) I'll keep the Coke.

[pissant]

Hairy chested chicks. Hmmmmm.