Posted on 03/10/2005 8:52:19 AM PST by meanie monster
I had 3 children, the youngest at the time was 16 months. I accidentally became pregnant. We were living in a small 2 bedroom trailor. It was a nice mobile home but where was I going to put a new baby!
I was so sad about it. I put the abortion off to the the last 2 days and I became a drinker to end the pain. A cold 6 packy a day!
Well I am sober now for one week. I have had severe anxiety attacks since last june. I have no insurance. My hubby is self employed and getting insured is impossible.
Yesterday I bought a health plan from United American Health Care. For $139.00 A month it covers all 5 members in our house hold. We pay half the doctor visits etc and get reimbursed the rest.
Pray for me I don't want to drink any more. I have been buying meds form international pharmacies and it is very expensive. Probably illegal too.
Not a day goes by that I think about my baby I threw in the trash. I hate myself and I hope God forgives me. Cause I can't forgive myself.
That's why God gave us Jesus. The forgiving part has already been done. May God give you strength and courage with angels to help for all your family. In Jesus name, Amen.
I sympathize with your feelings of guilt and the pain you are going through.
The best thing you can do is ask for forgiveness from the Lord and then know that you have been forgiven, you need to forgive yourself!
Why me? I hadn't known her long and I didn't want to go with her.
Whatever it was I said - and I think it was more about infection (my mother was BIG on disease!) - talked her out of it.
She married the father and a couple of years later, I met their little tyke, a happy toddler. Quite a feeling, seeing this child and remembering how close it came to never being.
If you need help with the drinking, go to AA, it's free and it works if you do your part. Your drinking can't be good for the other children and your husband or for yourself.
I answered as if it was real but I kept thinking "Bogdan". It sounds too conveniently garbled but I have had experience in my family with depressed people and a lot of the time they don't sound like they're all there.
My older sister had one pregnancy...and she miscarried. Years later, my father was in the hospital and I was the only one with him when he had a spiritual experience. He opened his eyes wide, gasped then smiled a somewhat frightened smile. I asked him what had happened and he told me that he had clearly seen a baby's hand reaching for him from the heavens. We just knew it was my sister's baby! He died a week later. (My sister and her husband ended up with three children --- my wonderful niece and nephews --- adopted from Korea and Ukraine.)
Have you considered going back to Puddle Duck? I don't like to think that you consider yourself a meanie or a monster. It's time to be compassionate with yourself and move in new and more positive directions. Start today. Heck, sign up as BeautifulLady and see if you don't feel better.
You're very brave to reach out for help. I can only imagine the anguish that drove you to seek it here in your Freeper family. Rest assured that everyone here has your best interests at heart. There's some really good advice on this thread. I can only echo advice to call your local AA immediately, tonight. Women in that group will give you help, guidance, support, and will love you until you can love yourself. Do it!
A good story. The friend I took became so overwhelmed with guilt about the abortion that she got pregnant by the same guy right away and kept the baby. She dropped out of college and I haven't heard about her since.
Name one.
Sheesh!
Do you just worship the deaths of innocents or what?
As I recall, the father didn't want her to have an abortion.
I just remembered her name - Joy! I hope she didn't pass around any more "joy" after that ordeal. :)
Sad to say but I feel something is wrong here too.
If this were a zotter the no caps would be a dead give away.
If it is true this gal needs to Let Go Let God.
Moving from drinking to admiting buying prescription drugs possibly illegaglly is not the wisest thing to advertise or do.
How does one pay ins. premuims and buy meds or drink a six pack a day but cannot afford better housing so aborts a child, awfully confusing.
If this woman is sincere in having woes then I hope she gets her life turned around.
1) I didn't judge you, per se, but rather your story here. And I'll continue to make my judgments with or without your approval.
2) I did check your posting history, thank you very much.
"Quite a feeling, seeing this child and remembering how close it came to never being."
Along these lines of thinking how some1 would never be....because of abortion....
Once ca. 1920 a woman with 2 children was pregnant and thought she couldn't deal w/another child, it was too costly, etc. She and her movie-house vaudevillian husband went to get 1 of those (illegal) abortions....and a family friend knew about it and bottom line, talked them out of it.
Their 3rd girl was born later, named Frances Gumm.
She would later be renamed during her childhood vaudeville years with her sisters as Judy Garland.
Poor Judy. A super-talented actress but a totally screwed up individual, as is her daughter, Liza.
BTTT
Yes you played God by having this abortion but it sounds like you're still playing God by not forgiving yourself for it. Pls go to http://www.fhu.com and if serious there you will find the relief you seek. Peace!
You're right, she was really messed up. Altho frankly who wasn't - or isn't - in that prima-donna world.
The sad thing is 1 could argue it was no good for Judy. But it was very good for alot of the rest of us! At least she could say she brought alot of happiness to many people who only saw her on celluloid.
I used to have a book, "Hollywood Babylon". Probably a collector's item now but it was too sordid to read and see the tragic photos more than once.
For films, Judy wore temporary caps on her tiny, widely spaced teeth. She died in London, sitting on the "loo."
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