Posted on 03/10/2005 8:52:19 AM PST by meanie monster
I had 3 children, the youngest at the time was 16 months. I accidentally became pregnant. We were living in a small 2 bedroom trailor. It was a nice mobile home but where was I going to put a new baby!
I was so sad about it. I put the abortion off to the the last 2 days and I became a drinker to end the pain. A cold 6 packy a day!
Well I am sober now for one week. I have had severe anxiety attacks since last june. I have no insurance. My hubby is self employed and getting insured is impossible.
Yesterday I bought a health plan from United American Health Care. For $139.00 A month it covers all 5 members in our house hold. We pay half the doctor visits etc and get reimbursed the rest.
Pray for me I don't want to drink any more. I have been buying meds form international pharmacies and it is very expensive. Probably illegal too.
Not a day goes by that I think about my baby I threw in the trash. I hate myself and I hope God forgives me. Cause I can't forgive myself.
And a further word of advice. Never EVER tell your other children about the abortion. Don't tell them lies, but don't let yourself think that they need to know everything about your past life. Your relationship with them would likely be permanently soured. They simply would not understand why you thought it necessary at the time.
We're all praying for you.
And one other thing. King David's child was the result of an adulterous relationship with Bathsheba which had caused King David to commit murder while trying to cover it up.
God still used David after that. God even blessed David and Bathsheba with Solomon. And it was still David's lineage that Jesus came from.
I have no reason to lie
FYI...I just closed on a home last May...a log home that just happens to be a double-wide, the closing procedure is no different than for a site-built home, ours was overseen by HUD. Give her a break...the woman has come to us for help, is it so hard just to say a prayer for her? What possible motive would she have for lying about something like this? None that I can see...
Maybe.
Strength in numbers, liebstn. I have been where you are, for the same reason, and I know all to well what you are experiencing...anguish, despair, helplessness, horror, regret. I know the physical side effects: sleeplessness, lethargy, tension headaches which standard meds cannot alleviate (which so often leads to less than standard meds)...
The very hardest thing you will have to do to get through this--and it is something you must do--is forgive yourself. You have sinned. Examine your conscience: What led you to sin? Hopelessness? Pride? You must confront these sins as well. You must forgive yourself of these sins, and here's why: He was on that cross for a reason--so that we may be forgiven. In denying yourself forgiveness, you are committing a greater sin--you are denying the very sacrifice which saves us all. I don't want to sound like Lady Schoolmarm but I am giving you an assignment: If you have a crucifix handy, sit down with it. Study it. Really, really study it. Consider the Man on that cross. "He suffered, died, and was buried..." Think of that suffering. Think of that sacrifice. Think about what happened on that cross and think about WHY that event took place. He died so that we may be forgiven. You must make that meaningful.
Hope that helps, feel free to FReepmail me.
I am telling the truth!
The house is in my mother in laws name! We could not qualify and she bought it as an investment property and we pay her rent. We owe her 10,000$ for the down payment. So there
Sometimes when we do something that we later see is much worse than we thought at the time, we wonder how we can ever be forgiven. But He covers it all.
Pardon my cynisism. I'm just pointing out something that was unclear to me. As I said I want to believe you and if you need prayers you've got them. I pray for your redemption and for your situation to improve. My apologies.
Thank you all so much. Even the ones that have flamed me. I know people are very suspicious of posters and I am totally being honest. I was around here for years. I used to be puddleduck or puddle duck, check it out.
thank you and god bless!
Give up your internet connection and sell your computer, and get some sort of counseling, perhaps go on antidepressants. And for God's sake take care of the kids you have left.
Go to AA. God forgives you and everyone in AA will accept and love you. You need the support of other people who have been through what you have.
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