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Locked on 04/21/2005 6:49:54 AM PDT by Admin Moderator, reason:
The Hobbit Hole XXI: http://www.freerepublic.com/focus/chat/1388121/posts |
Posted on 03/05/2005 11:51:13 AM PST by HairOfTheDog
New verse:
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Upon the hearth the fire is red, |
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Still round the corner there may wait |
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Home is behind, the world ahead, |
Yes, and I've vowed to be a better parent to my boys than mine were to me. Not because they were "bad" but because they didn't know better.
I've told this story before (I think). It was my Junior year in high school. I was going thru all the crap that teenagers go thru. But I was convinced Christmas was going to make things better.
There was a box that I knew had a note in it. I was convinced it was either 1) the trip to Spain or 2) the piano I'd begged for for years. It was a note that said "the jacket I ordered for you didn't come in."
It's one thing to have your dreams crushed. It's entirely different when your parents are doing the crushing.
I've never had to have self doubt. My mom had enough for both of us.
That's why Jr's lack of determination can be so frustrating. He's got the potential, but he's just not using it. So, when I see there is something he really wants to put his heart into, I feel like I've got to encourage that.
Can't blame you there. I'd much rather encourage my kids to do what they love, than try to force them to like what I like or do what I do.
If they have a personal investment in something, they are less likely to go out and try to "find themelves" using drugs or alcohol or sex.
In my case, it was music. I could skip many a class, but I never let down my chorus instructor or missed an event or rehearsal....unless my parents decided I should be doing something else.
I'll never forget my junior year of high school. My parents had decided to enroll me and my sister in modeling classes (oh please, as if). Some time later, a group of friends of mine were involved in a car accident- killing 2 of them.
I insisted on going to the funeral of one of them (whom I was closest to) and it happened to be on the same night as modeling classes. My mother angrily drove me to the funeral home. After allowing me 5 minutes to pay my respects and sob with my other friends over a horrible loss, my mom grabs my arm and tells me it's time to go.
Instead of taking me home, which I would have understood, she drives me to modeling classes because she doesn't want her money going to waste.
I still resent that to this day. Your child has just lost a friend suddenly and you're worried about modeling classes? I'll never understand it.
*snicker*, I was trying to remember that joke. ;o)
When is your last day of work?
Friday.
Not that I'm counting...
You know, it's a wonder any of us survived our teenage years.
Right after that Christmas, my parents decided to move. Granted it was next door to my dad's home place. So it was a good move for them. But at 16, I thought it was a step down into a "lower class" neighborhood. I was embarrassed.
There was a bunch of other crap going on with church and stuff where my parents ~should~ have intervened. Even though I went away to college, I didn't actually get away from that cult completely until after I moved back home.
I can't spare my kids from all the hurts of the world. But I can certainly try not to cause them.
Sheesh tho...enough of this!
What's for lunch?
;-)
What a suck-up! But a smart one, right? ;o)
I guess I'm lucky... never had my parents do anything too spectacularly horrible. There was the one year that I was wishing and wishing for a trip to England for a Christmas present - but I knew that wouldn't happen.
The biggest thing I can think of is the time my mother didn't bother to mail in my FAFSA and I lost scholarships. That's when I had to drop down to part time and work my way through school. In the end it worked out much, much better than my original plan anyway so I try not to hold a grudge.
It doesn't take that long to explain about things to a child, and for the most part, kids are satisfied if the explanations make sense. The bad thing is when people get into the habit of continually explaining, instead of explaining then giving a firm NO, when necessary. Continual explaining makes for constant haranguing by the kids.
I let our kids 'discuss' things with me, but when debate is cut off, it's OFF, and I remind them that annoying me won't get them what they want. ;o)
You're a wise Dad.
My parents never meant to be "horrible." And I'm giving the wrong impression if that's how they sound. They mostly just didn't "get it."
My Mom would've been perfectly happy for me to come home and work in the factory she retired from after 47 years.
That's the good thing about my parents... they always figured out when they didn't "get" me. Well, Mom did anyway. Dad and I are on the same wavelength. Mom always wanted us girls to get done with high school and then do something nice and old-fashioned, like volunteering at a hospital, before getting married. But when I figured out I wanted to be a computer programmer, she went along with that. Even if she didn't understand it.
My sisters have it much easier, since once Mom got over her knee-jerk "college is too vile and worldly for you girls" thing with me, she is a lot less worried with them. By the time the bothers start leaving, she'll be handing them their suitcases on the way out the door and saying "See you at graduation".
It's weird. My parents never felt the need to "keep up with the Joneses." But they were pretty uptight about us being "normal."
I've never been "normal" a day in my life. And I hope my boys never are.
I'm thinking about a McDonalds Happy Meal. :-D
[ insert vomit.com pic < here > ]
heheheh...Becky always knows when I'm through explaining.
I simple say "Because I said so and I'm the mommy, that's why."
She knows then that there will be no further discussion, but she did reply once to say that she couldn't wait to have her own kids to be the boss of. *laughing*
Not liking Happy Meals isn't normal!
That's what Mom always said...
spam
yikes
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