Here's to you, Mrs Robinson (Why are men attracted to older women?)

Why are men attracted to older women? Experience, wisdom, confidence and lots of practice in bed, says Vincent Jackson When I was a teenager, my mother's stock response to jokes I made about her advancing years was, 'There's many a good tune played on an old fiddle.' Of course I never really wanted to think about my mother playing a tune of any kind. However, my acne-faced classmates appeared to both understand about fiddles and know what fine melodies could be played on them. Perhaps that's why they'd continually remark: 'phwoar, I'd give yer mum one'!

Men's infatuations with older women start as soon as we're old enough to know what women are. And this curiosity surrounding the potential for pleasure with maturer females stays with us until, well - the day comes when there aren't any women left in the world older than us.

To be frank, men are initially drawn to older women (for our purposes, 'older' means at least 10 years senior) for sex. For example, Ben, a 26-year-old web designer, has been seeing a woman of 43 for nearly a year. She's reasonably affluent - has paid off her mortgage and has a two bedroom flat in North London. She also has a good career, is intellectual, very attractive, and according to Ben, 'the best shag I've ever had.'

Every single bloke I spoke to said sex was the best thing about being in a relationship with an older woman.

I imagine that their female conquests know this is the case. Let's not pull any punches here. Do you think for a minute that a 25-year-old man makes a play for a 40-year-old woman because he's interested in the Habitat crockery she may have accrued over time? Of course not. Older women tend to bring to bed a wealth of experience, confidence and tricks between the sheets that a young woman can only dream of. Show me a man who doesn't find the prospect of an experienced lover an exciting one, and I'll show you a liar

However, being an older woman doesn't necessarily guarantee good sex - if you're no good in bed at 25, who's to say you'll be a fully qualified love-goddess at 40? Yet, older women give the impression that they're better in bed because they're more comfortable with themselves. All those hang-ups about having a slight tummy, stretch marks or the odd spot of cellulite tend to become less important with age. A few of the men I spoke to insisted that they found these flaws attractive - a sign of a body that is real and lived in. As Ben says of his older lover, 'She's much more relaxed about herself and her body than many of the girls my age that I've slept with. She knows that her body is showing slight signs of ageing, but she accepts it and just gets on with life.'

Of course, sex is not the only allure of a younger man, older woman partnership. In fact, it would be easy to question why some men want to date women roughly the same age as their mothers, especially when the spectre of Oedipus looms so large. Ultimately, however, a bloke's motivation doesn't need to subjected to Freudian psychoanalysis. Put simply, mature women are, well, mature - they are older and wiser in their world view, and that's what a young man finds attractive.

By the time a woman reaches her mid-thirties, she's acquired confidence, the art of conversation, her own individual perspective on life and, most importantly, wisdom - a very sexy trait. Older women generally know what they want from life and in love and this can be refreshing after the annoying and frustrating relationship games so many younger women play. Older women also tend to be - well, richer - and sometimes young men get fed up with dining out at Spud-U-Like.

What about me? I've never had the pleasure of dating an older woman, but I'm 28 so there's still time. Since the age of 12 I've had various crushes on older ladies - teachers, family friends, the woman who worked in the video shop, a few non-blood related aunties (slightly dubious territory, I admit), and, just like my old school friends, my mates' mums. But I've never actually taken the plunge. However, I'm sure there's a fiddle out there with my name on it, and when I do get my chance, I'm certain its strings will yield some mighty fine music.

Ben Franklin's Advice Concerning His Friend's Sexual Affairs

Franklin had a friend who did not want to get married, but was battling with urges and lustful inclinations for the opposite sex. In the letter which follows, Franklin first advises the friend that the best solution for his urges is marriage. However, since he knows the friend will not take that advice, Franklin goes on to suggest that his friend have sexual affairs with old women. We know from the context that he is suggesting women over 45 years of age (see #3). His words about putting a basket over her head or turning out the light (see #5) illustrate an aspect of Franklin's character which is seldom exposed.

June 25, 1745

My dear Friend,

I know of no Medicine fit to diminish the violent natural Inclinations you mention; and if I did, I think I should not communicate it to you. Marriage is the proper Remedy. It is the most natural State of Man, and therefore the State in which you are most likely to find solid Happiness. You Reasons against entering into it at present, appear to me not well-founded. The circumstantial Advantages you have in View by postponing it, are not only uncertain, by they are small in comparison with that of the Thing itself, the being married and settled. It is the Man and Woman united that make the compleat human Being. Separate, she wants his Force of Body and Strength of Reason; he, her Softness, Sensibility and acute Discernment. Together they are more likely to succeed in the World. A single Man has not nearly the Value he would have in that State of Union. He is an incomplete Animal. He resembles the odd half of a Pair of Scissars. If you get a prudent healthy Wife, your Industry in your Profession, with her good Oeconomy, will be a Fortune sufficient.

But if you will not take this Counsel, and persist in thinking a Commerce with the Sex inevitable, then I repeat my former Advice, that in all your Amours you should prefer old Women to young ones. You call this a Paradox, and demand my Reasons. They are these:

1. Because as they have more Knowledge of the World and their Minds are better stor'd with Observations, their Conversation is more improving and more lastingly agreable.

2. Because when Women cease to be handsome, the study to be good. To maintain their Influence over Men, they supply the Dimunition of Beauty by the Augmentation of Utility. They learn to do 1000 Services small and great, and are the most tender and useful of all Friends when you are sick. Thus they continue amiable. And hence there is hardly such thing to be found as an old Woman who is not a good Woman.

3. Because there is no hazard of Children, which irregularly produc'd may be attended with much Inconvenience.

4. Because thro' more Experience, they are more prudent and discreet in conducting and Intrigue to prevent Suspicion. The Commerce with them is therefore safer with regard to your Reputation. And with regard to theirs, if the Affair should happen to be known, considerate People might be rather inclin'd to excuse an old Woman who would kindly take care of a young Man, form his Manners by her good Counsels, and prevent his ruining his Health and Fortune among mercenary Prostitutes.

5. Because in every animal that walks upright, the Deficiency of the Fluids that fill the Muscles appears first in the highest Part: the Face first grows lank and wrinkled; then the Neck; then the Breast and Arms; the lower Parts continuing to the last as plump as ever: So that covering all above with a Basket, and regarding only what is below the Girdle, it is impossible of two Women to know an old from a young one. And as in the dark all Cats are grey, the Pleasure of corporal Enjoyment with an Old Woman is at least equal, and frequently superior, every Knack being by Practice capable of Improvement.

6. Because the Sin is less. The debauching of a Virgin may be her Ruin, and make her for Life unhappy.

7. Because the Compunction is less. The having made a young Girl miserable may give you frequent bitter Reflections; none of which can attend the making an old Woman happy.

8. They are so grateful!!

Thus much for my Paradox. But still I advise you to marry directly; being sincerely Your affectionate Friend,

Benjamin Franklin.

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