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*** UNOFFICIAL FRIDAY SILLINESS THREAD ***
TheBigB | 2.18.05 | n/a

Posted on 02/18/2005 10:27:37 AM PST by Fierce Allegiance

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To: Fierce Allegiance

My daughter sent me this... I cdnuolt blveiee taht I cluod aulaclty uesdnatnrd waht I was rdanieg The phaonmneal pweor of the hmuan mnid Aoccdrnig to a rscheearch at Cmabrigde Uinervtisy, it deosn't mttaer inwaht oredr the ltteers in a wrod are, the olny iprmoatnt tihng is taht the frist and lsat ltteer be in the rghit pclae. The rset can be a taotl mses and you can sitll raed it wouthit a porbelm. Tihs is bcuseae the huamn mnid deos not raed ervey lteter by istlef, but the wrod as a wlohe. Amzanig huh? yaeh and I awlyas thought slpeling was ipmorantt!


201 posted on 02/18/2005 1:47:37 PM PST by loboinok (Gun Control is hitting what you aim at!)
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To: Trinity_Tx
Three men show up at the same time to the Pearly Gates. St. Peter says, "Welcome. I have to ask a few questions before I can decide whether to let you in." To the first, "How did you die?"

"Well, St. Peter, I was riding my exercycle on the balcony of my apartment when something happened and the resistance belt got caught in the flywheel. Before I knew it I was catapaulted over the railing and falling the five floors down. Somehow I managed to catch hold of the balcony on the third floor. I was saying a prayer of thanks when some maniac starts punding on my hands and cursing at me. Eventually I was forced to let go. But I landed on an awning and survived. I was backing away from the building when a freezer comes flying out of the third floor window and crushes me, and, well, here I am."

The second one is a bit of a body-builder. St. Peter says, "What's your story?"

"Well, St. Peter, I was pretty sure my wife was cheating on me so I surprised her one lunch by coming into the apartment unanounced. Well, she was naked on the bed but I couldn't see a man anywhere. I searched the entire apartment and I couldn't find nobody. It's then that I notice somebody hanging on the railing of my balcony so I start swearing at him and banging on his fingers. He falls, but he survives by landing on an awning. I'm just as mad as ... er ... mad as anything so I look around for something to throw at the son-of-a- ... excuse me ... cheating b ... er ... person but all I see is this stand-up freezer we have so I throw it out at him. I hit him, too, but I guess the effort gave me a heart attack. I had a serious pain in my chest and then, bam, here I am."

St. Peter turns to the third man and says, "You?"

"OK, Picture this. Here I am standing naked in this freezer..."

Shalom.

202 posted on 02/18/2005 1:48:45 PM PST by ArGee (Having homosexual sex makes as much sense as drinking beer through your a$$.)
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To: mattmullenix

check it out


203 posted on 02/18/2005 1:51:12 PM PST by jtminton ("I shall never surrender or retreat." William Barret Travis Lt. Col. Comdt., Bexar, Feb 24th 1836)
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To: loboinok
Wow! Taht's imperssieve.

Saholm.

204 posted on 02/18/2005 1:51:51 PM PST by ArGee (Having homosexual sex makes as much sense as drinking beer through your a$$.)
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To: tx_eggman

Ooooh, I got a new tag line


205 posted on 02/18/2005 2:00:13 PM PST by BJClinton (What's the diference between the Super Bowl and the Grammy's? The Eagles have won a Grammy)
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To: Sloth

Bump fer later


206 posted on 02/18/2005 2:02:35 PM PST by BJClinton (What's the diference between the Super Bowl and the Grammy's? The Eagles have won a Grammy)
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To: loboinok

Os, eht yorollarc doulw eb fi eht tirsf dna tasl setterl eerw gronw ti doulw eb enreadablu?


207 posted on 02/18/2005 2:05:39 PM PST by BJClinton (What's the diference between the Super Bowl and the Grammy's? The Eagles have won a Grammy)
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To: OXENinFLA

Thanks (-:


208 posted on 02/18/2005 2:07:22 PM PST by firewalk
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To: BJClinton

Os, eht yorollarc doulw eb fi eht tirsf dna tasl setterl eerw gronw ti doulw eb enreadablu?

Not if you have Dyslexia. LOL


209 posted on 02/18/2005 2:10:58 PM PST by loboinok (Gun Control is hitting what you aim at!)
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To: loboinok

That is a riot! Must really send auto spell-check into a tailspin.


210 posted on 02/18/2005 2:20:44 PM PST by no more apples (my give-a-damn's busted)
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To: JimWforBush

http://cgi.ebay.com/ws/eBayISAPI.dll?ViewItem&category=1600&item=4700203195&rd=1


211 posted on 02/18/2005 2:29:11 PM PST by The SISU kid (Sometimes it seems I'm the only one in the landing party NOT wearing a red uniform!!)
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To: The SISU kid; Fierce Allegiance

LOL, is that your's FA


212 posted on 02/18/2005 2:50:46 PM PST by JimWforBush
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To: Fierce Allegiance; All

Aww, man! None of my jokes are fit for the forum!


213 posted on 02/18/2005 2:58:50 PM PST by FierceDraka (The Democratic Party - Aiding and Abetting The Enemies of America Since 1968)
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To: ArGee

The government today announced that it is changing its emblem from an Eagle to a CONDOM because it more accurately reflects the government's political stance. A condom allows for inflation, halts production, destroys the next generation, protects a bunch of pr!*ks, and gives you a sense of security while you're actually being srceewd. Darn, it just doesn't get more accurate than that."


214 posted on 02/18/2005 3:19:53 PM PST by loboinok (Gun Control is hitting what you aim at!)
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To: satchmodog9
She is from Brazil, BTW. So what country are you talking about LOL
215 posted on 02/18/2005 3:28:12 PM PST by Tolik
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To: MarineBrat

You forgot:

47. Never eat at a place named "Mom's".

48. Never play cards with a man called "Doc".

I'm not so sure about the wisdom of # 46, however - both of those can send you to the hospital (or jail)...


216 posted on 02/18/2005 3:49:09 PM PST by talleyman (E=mc2 (before taxes))
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To: ArGee

ROTFLMAO!!!


217 posted on 02/18/2005 3:52:31 PM PST by talleyman (E=mc2 (before taxes))
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To: Fierce Allegiance

By the way, FA, I wanted to say that I saw this earlier and sent your jokes to my sister. Thanks for posting them. :)


218 posted on 02/18/2005 3:52:46 PM PST by proud American in Canada
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To: Fierce Allegiance

For all of you who occasionally have a really bad

day, and you just need to take it out on someone -

don't take it out on someone you know, take it out

on someone you don't know.



I was sitting at my desk when I remembered a phone

call I had forgotten to make. I found the number,

and dialed it.



A man answered saying, "Hello?" I politely

said, "This is Fred, could I please speak with Robin Carter?"



He replied "Wrong number a$$hole" and the phone was

slammed down on me. I couldn't believe that anyone

could be so rude.



I tracked down Robin's correct number, and called

her. (I had transposed the last two digits of her

phone number.) After hanging up with her, I decided

to call the 'wrong' number again. When the same guy

answered the phone, I yelled, "You're an a$$hole!" and I hung up.



I wrote his number down, with the word 'a$$hole'

next to it, and put it in my desk drawer. Every

couple of weeks, when I was paying bills or had a

really bad day, I'd call him up and yell, "You're an a$$hole!" It

always cheered me up.



When Caller ID came to our area, I thought my

therapeutic 'a$$hole' calling would have to stop.

So, I called his number and said, "Hi, this is John

Smith from the Telephone Company. I'm just calling

to see if you're familiar with the caller ID program?" He yelled,

"NO!" and slammed the phone down. I quickly called him back and said,

"That's because you're an a$$hole!"



So, one day I was at the grocery store, getting

ready to pull into a parking spot. Some guy in a

black BMW cut me off, and pulled into the spot I had patiently waited

for. I hit the horn and yelled that I had been waiting for the spot.

The idiot ignored me. I noticed a "For Sale" sign in his car window,

so I wrote down his number.



A couple of days later, right after calling the

first a$$hole (I had his number on speed dial), I

thought I had better call the BMW a$$hole, too. I

dialed and someone said, "Hello?" I said, "Is this

the man with the black BMW for sale?"

"Yes it is." "Can you tell me where I can see it?"

"Yes, I live at 1802 West 34th Street. It's a

yellow house and the car's parked right out front."

"What's your name?" I asked.

"My name is Don Hansen," he said.

"When's a good time to catch you, Don?"

"I'm home every evening after five."

"Listen, Don, can I tell you something?"

"Yes?"

"Don, you're an a$$hole!"



Then I hung up, and added his number to my speed

dial. Now, when I had a problem, I had two

a$$holes to call.



But after several weeks of calling them, it wasn't

as enjoyable as it used to be. So, I came up with an

idea: I called A$$hole #1. "Hello?"



"You're an a$$hole!" (But I didn't hang up).

"Are you still there?" he asked.

"Yeah," I said.

"Stop calling me," he screamed.

"Make me," I said.

"Who are you? " he asked.

"My name is Don Hansen."

"Yeah? Where do you live?"

"I live at 1802 West 34th Street, A$$hole, a yellow

house with my black BMW parked in front."



He said, "I'm coming over right now, Don. And you

had better start saying your prayers. "

I said, "Yeah, like I'm really scared, a$$hole."



Then I called a$$hole # 2: "Hello?" he said.

"Hello A$$hole," I said.

He yelled, "If I ever find out who you are..."

"You'll what?" I said.

"I'll kick your a$$," he exclaimed.

I answered, "Well, a$$hole, here's your chance!

I'm coming over right now."



Then, I hung up, and immediately called the police,

saying that I lived at 1802 West 34th Street and I

was on my way over there to kill my gay lover.



Then, I called Channel 13 news about the gang war

going down on West 34th Street I quickly got into my

car and headed over to 34th St.



There, I saw two a$$holes beating the crap out of

each other in front of six squad cars, a police

helicopter, and a TV news crew.



Now, I feel better... Masquerading as a normal person, day after day,

is exhausting.


219 posted on 02/18/2005 4:03:46 PM PST by loboinok (Gun Control is hitting what you aim at!)
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To: wingblade

TGIF bump


220 posted on 02/18/2005 4:24:05 PM PST by hoosier_RW_conspirator ("Our inventories are steeped in capability." -- AVatian)
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