"Dog shows are for sissies."
Posted on 02/14/2005 1:36:01 PM PST by ambrose
Monday, February 14, 2005
Go 2 Pup: Will they ever throw a golden a bone?
By WILLIE GUEST COLUMNIST
As a member of the canine race, I will watch and once again be outraged by the Westminster Kennel Club Dog Show (Monday and Tuesday nights at 8 on USA Network).
I readily acknowledge its storied existence as the second-longest continuously held sports event behind the Kentucky Derby. The grand-doggie of them all started in 1877.
But it's a sham, fixed like I am. A golden retriever has never won Best in Show. The world's greatest breed -- blanked, shut out, royally screwed over.
A golden hasn't even won its own group title since 1968. And it's not like goldens are battling Muhammad Collie or something. No, their sporting group includes other underachiever retrievers such as Chesapeake Bays and labs.
I believe goldens are getting hosed by a French judge who is on the take or biased toward poodles and Papillons.
Or maybe there's another reason. USA color commentator Dave Frei said goldens don't have the "edge" that other breeds have in the ring. I thought we lived to chase tennis balls, beg for treats, shed, sleep, swim and jump on visitors.
But Frei says our whole life revolves around pleasing our people. We don't care so much about pleasing judges -- or wives of our people, for that matter, especially ones who yell "Willie, no!" all the time.
So we'll be huge underdogs again this year, and there's more terrible news. Frei thinks a dog from the toy group will probably win Best in Show. How that is possible, I have no idea.
It would be hard, but I could accept a winner from the Working Dog group. It was cool when that Newfoundland won last year. He was stately and worthy.
I could even stomach a terrier. But a rat-dog? A worthless yipster, reigning as champion of the dog world? It's possible, Frei saying the toy group is the toughest group.
Among the rat-dog contenders -- a world-class poodle and Pekingese, and a Pomeranian co-owned by Bill Cosby. The poodle is trained by Tim Brazier of Mill Creek.
Frei also mentioned a long-coat Chihuahua, and the thought of these one-bite happy meals winning makes me so sick that I plan to eat grass during the telecasts.
Even dogs from the hound group have a better record than goldens. How can a drooling, stinky Basset Hound win, or a baying, annoying Beagle?
Then you've got those damn Dachshunds. At this year's show, there will be three varieties and 64 in all. That's what I want to see, 64 wiener dogs on my master's TV, some no doubt sponsored by Oscar Mayer.
And I'm just wondering -- does a Corgi owner actually think his dog has a shot? A Corgi looks like it wanted to be a dog but was bored one night in the 17th century and mated with a Dachshund, becoming the laughable low-rider it is today.
The Westminster accepts all pure-bred dogs, anything but mutts. The entry limit of 2,500 was reached in less than an hour. Seventy-six dogs are from Washington. There are three new breeds this year, including the Neapolitan Mastiff, which appears to be a cross between a Chinese Shar-Pei and an English Bulldog on steroids.
I won't miss a minute of the action, but I would find it more interesting if they added new categories such as "Smartest Dog," "Dumbest Dog" and "Worst in Show."
For "Smartest Dog," if it weren't a golden, it would have to be a border collie. The "Dumbest Dog" race would have an Irish Setter, Afghan Hound and Maltese in a photo finish.
A standard-sized poodle would run away with "Worst in Show" honors.
(People, if you want a poodle, get a little one. If you want a real dog, get a real dog.
And if you want to be taken seriously, lose the shears; your dog looks like a badly pruned shrub.)
The Go 2 Wife thinks I'd win for "Stinky-est Dog," but that's not true. I just smell ... an upset and a golden first at Westminster.
Willie's owner, P-I columnist Jim Moore, can be reached at 206-448-8013 or jimmoore@seattlepi.com. His columns appear Monday, Tuesday, Thursday and Friday.
Standard poodles were, like Goldens and other retrievers, originally bred to be retrievers of waterfowl. If you let their hair grow naturally-- instead of the ridiculous frou-frou cut-- they are beautiful dogs.
Our own Daphne is a labradoodle, a cross between a standard poodle and a labrador retriever.
Goofy, to say the least.
I absolutely love it when you post that picture of your dog.
Great looking Golden. Big and Red. I've been seeing a lot of really scrawny looking goldens of late. What's up with that?
Thanks, that's my favorite, too (could ya tell?)
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I have two goldens from a field trial champion bloodline...now that's a dog! I think if a burglar came in the house, they would lick him to death....
My daughter picked the darkest of the litter. Roxy is actually on a diet. She gets walked an hour each night, but still needed to drop about 10 lbs from her highest of 80lbs.
Results of judging, with videos, here:
http://westminsterkennelclub.org/2005/video/breed/
My pooch.
I too am sick of those little yappy dogs winning. Let's hope another real dog wins again this year.
And I'm just wondering how this writer will keep from being axed in the back alley by Corgi lovers, who are proud to own the very smartest and second-oldest breed in the world.
I don't believe Keeshond's have won the Westminster either, in spite of their obvious, traffic-stopping beauty and incredible intelligence and charm.
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Awwwwww...that is adorable! We used to have neighbors that had two Goldens, and they were the sweetest, friendliest dogs on earth. My Welsh Corgi LIVED to see those dogs! I miss them so terribly.
Great pictures. Thank you so much for posting them.
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