Oprah will give cars to everyone, then pretend she didn't know anything about the taxes.
Madonna will lead the congregation in Kabbalistic performance celebrating her newfound moral consciousness, after which she will sign copies of her 80's book Sex for donations to Bev Harris.
Tim Robbins will introduce his new line of Polartec hats and scarves, called A Chill Wind.
Whoopi Goldberg could not be reached for comment, as she is still washing her mouth out with soap.
You do know that Whoopi for her is also associated with her olfactory offending, less than aromatic public behavior, don't you?
I didn't know that Robert and Barbara were virgins.