They kinda resemble "Nutter-Butters":
Posted on 01/06/2005 11:28:58 AM PST by pissant
Dear Dog Lady,
For almost six months, I've been dating Monty. I thought I was falling in love with him until he presented my dog and me with an inappropriate Christmas present. Now, I'm not sure. The gift was a pair of NeuticlesOriginal, fake testicles for dogs. My dog, Magic, was intrigued by them and tried to chew them and then tried to play with them. My dog rolled the little balls around the floor until Monty took them away and scolded Magic. I just watched stunned as all this was going on. I couldn't have imagined Neuticles until I saw them with my own eyes.
Right before I met Monty, I had brought Magic to the vet to be neutered. Monty says he doesn't believe in altering male dogs and made snide comments about Magic's lack of manhood. I admit I was turned off by the comments, but I never thought he would buy prosthetic testes for my dog. He's also pestering me to make an appointment with my vet to have the Neuticles surgically implanted. When I tell him I don't want to put Magic through this operation, Monty gets miffed and says he already paid $85 for the Neuticles online and doesn't want to return them. Despite being so worried about losing the money, he insists he'll pay the full freight for the surgery at the vet. He thinks Magic will be a happier, more confident dog with fake testicles. I visited the Neuticles Web site, www.neuticles.com, and found such celebrities as Rush Limbaugh have endorsed them. Limbaugh said, "Neuticles are just plain neat!" Maybe they are.
I will admit in my weaker moments, when I want to cling to my relationship with Monty, I wonder what's the harm in getting the harmless Neuticles sewn into Magic. Maybe the dog will be happier with a scrotum. Maybe it will bring Monty and I closer together. What do you think?
Rachel
Rachel, Dog Lady believes in Magic. Your dog doesn't need the fake testicles, nor will they give him any more confidence than he already has. The unnecessary surgery will add stress and scar tissue to your pet's tender area. Dogs don't do manhood the way Rush Limbaugh does. Dogs do Alpha, a status having everything to do with leadership, not the size of sexual organs. Other dogs will not be impressed or deceived by nutty Neuticles. One sniff of the hindquarters will tell a canine colleague that Magic's just another castrato in the pack.
In intact dogs, the male sac emits a hormonal aroma that stokes up other dogs with fascination, confusion or aggression. Plastic Neuticles do not have the odiferous power to stir up anything but your boyfriend Monty's odd insecurities. A Neuticled Magic will not be a dog, but a disfigured dog. Rachel, you did the right thing for Magic by having him neutered in the first place. Don't go there again.
Best you concentrate on whether you want a future with Monty. Dog Lady is not suggesting he should be fixed, but you need to fix your relationship. The gift of Neuticles was utterly inappropriate, even offensive. It's the same as if Monty had stuffed silicone breast implants in your Christmas stocking. If you think for a moment that sewing falsies into your dog will bring you closer to your boyfriend, Dog Lady wonders what other delusions you labor under. A good relationship comes with communication, trust and safety - for you and Magic.
Your dog is not a stand-in for your boyfriend's scrotal issues. You should discuss this straight on with Monty so he understands the boundary. It takes a real man, if you catch my drift, to admit his mistake. If he refuses to understand on a deeper emotional level, Dog Lady thinks his reluctance alone will tell you everything you need to know.
You're so right. It's about control. And while a gal might be willing to cede a certain amount of control to a guy with good sense and a healthy self-image, Monty's whole understanding of manhood is deformed. The jerk has issues.
Jake always had a curious taste for Kleenex and tp. He like to take the end of the tp roll and pull it out of the bathroom and down the hallway. It must've been something missing from his dog chow.
Dang women!
They never see the humor in anything.
Bout a month ago, I got stuck in traffic behind a pickup that had a pair those...ummm, dangling from the rear. Except that the ones I saw were chromed instead of...flesh-colored.
Our soup bones.
Hilarious tagline by the way.
Hooooo, boy! I bet this one gets as bad as some of those Civil War threads that were so prevalent years ago!
"Friends don't give friends Neuticals".
It's almost as silly as someone buying a cocker spaniel as a pet.
Is this one of the platforms you ran on in your campaign for public office?
While it wasn't a major plank in my platform I was known to unexpectedly reveal mine durring appearances.
Owl_Eagle
"You know, I'm going to start thanking
the woman who cleans the restroom in
the building I work in. I'm going to start
thinking of her as a human being"
They kinda resemble "Nutter-Butters":
The political left has demonized Christians, conservatives, and gun owners, and now I bet they're going to start after canine testicle afficianados. It just isn't fair, I tell ya!
I wonder where this dog stands on secession and the Tenth Amendment?
Weirdly funny idea though
That's what these things were actually invented for - so that monorchids or cryptorchids could be shown by dishonest breeders and exhibitors.
This whole psychological thing is just cover -- a "beard", if you will.
And you lost? Hmmmm.
We will just assume that you are talking figuratively, rather than literally.
You..mean..these aren't...? DAMN Rush limbaugh and his 24/7!!!!
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