Posted on 12/17/2004 8:59:30 AM PST by TheBigB
Awright guys 'n gals 'n kats 'n kittens...time for another FRIDAY SILLINESS THREAD! Feel free to post jokes, silly stories, cartoons, beeber stunings, or even to IGNORE THIS THREAD!
To start things off...a picture of an adorable kitten!
Instructions on how to clean your toilet
1. Put both lids of the toilet up and add 1/8 cup of pet shampoo to the water in the bowl.
2. Pick up the cat and soothe him while you carry him towards the bathroom.
3. In one smooth movement, put the cat in the toilet and close both lids. You may need to stand on the lid.
4. The cat will self agitate and make ample suds. Never mind the noises that come from the toilet, the cat is actually enjoying this.
5. Flush the toilet three or four times. This provides a "power-wash" and "rinse".
6. Have someone open the front door of your home. Be sure that there are no people between the bathroom and the front door.
7. Stand behind the toilet as far as you can, and quickly lift both lids.
8. The cat will rocket out of the toilet, streak through the bathroom, and run outside where he will dry himself off.
9. Both the commode and the cat will be sparkling clean.
Sincerely,
The Dog
You mean I could have been PAID to eat those Milk Bones when I was six years old?! Crap!
What kitty?
A roll of paper towels...yeah, that should be plenty.
Me either...
Well, you asked for it…..
In the land of Gitche goomi, there dwelt an Indian tribe in which braves were to carry out a ritual task to prove their bravery and manhood before they could claim the fair maid they wished to marry.
The young bucks were cast out of the village and sent to live by themselves for a year. During that time they must not only fend for themselves but must kill an animal and prepare the skin to be used for their marriage bed. Status was imposed on those who provided a fine furry skin softly tanned to perfection.
At the end of the year, the night before the return of the full moon, the three braves returned with their furs to capture the heart of their intended brides and assume full citizenship.
The first brave proudly stepped forward and unfolded a beautiful light tan buffalo robe, soft and supple and wonderfully sized for a marriage bed.
The second brave, a cunning but shy lad, stepped up and presented a wonderfully soft and luxurious cougar skin, a truly marvelous piece of work that exhibited not only his skills as tanner but his extremely brave and cunningness to be able to track and slay such an animal.
Alas, the third brave did not do so well. He was able to produce only a few scraggily rabbit skins and one old possum hide. The mother in law intended was outrages at the shame and ran quickly for her brother who worked part time in the trading post. Being a good uncle he interceded with the owner for some face saving trade, but alas, the trader’s heart was hardened and he would not provide a woolen blanket for the miserable collection of skins. He rummaged around and from the back of the store came up with a hippopotamus hide, a little rough, but suitably sized for a marriage bed. The future mother in law was not happy but her face was saved.
.
In nine months the village was pleased to have new young ones. The squaw who had her marriage night on the buffalo hide presented the village with a beautiful boy. The maid who was favored with the wonderful cougar skin blushingly presented a beautiful and soft smiling daughter.
But the third wife, came to the ceremony carrying not one baby, but two…… a bouncing son and daughter. She presented twins.
For evermore, far and wide it is told for all to remember “The Squaw of the Hippopotamus is equal to the sum of the squaws of the other two hides”
No. Wish I did.
Fridays in Hell:
A guy died and went to hell. He was sitting around on a rock obviously bummed out when a demon walked by. The demon asked the guy why he looked so depressed to which the guy replied," I'm in hell...it sucks."
The demon trying to cheer the guy up says, " Man your really gonna like it here, we have a really good time."
The guys says " Oh yeah, how?"
The demon asks, " Were you a drinkin' man?"
Guy goes, "Yeah, I use to love to drink."
Demon says, " Well todays alcohol day! You can drink all you want and we have the best of everything; twenty year old scotch, champagne, and even things you've never heard of. And it doesn't matter! You'll never get a hangover, never throw up, no cirrohsis or anything; your already dead!"
" Wow " says the guy, "Thats great!"
" It gets better" explains the Demon. " Tuesdays food day; delicacies from throughout the universe and you'll never gain a pound. And theres more; Wednesdays are tobacco day; no cancer, emphysema or anything!"
The guy says" This is unbelievable! Who'd have ever thought that hell could be so fun?"
" Aww you ain't heard nothing yet," grins the Demon " I'll bet you liked drugs in your day didn't ya?"
" You bet" answers the guy, "How do you think I got here in the first place?"
"Well Thursdays are drug day," exclaims the demon, " The best weed, all the cocaine you could want, dumptrucks of heroin and ectasy on tap!"
The guy can hardly contain himself " This is awesome! I had no idea! This is going to be great!"
The demon nodding and smiling asks, " Are you gay?"
"No" replies the guy, " Why?"
"Oooooo" cringes the demon, " Your gonna hate Fridays!"
Nah, Huh huh. Nope, he ain't.
What you are exhibiting is the "FMDM"
or the Freeper Male Defense Mechanism.
Which shows itself anytime we chicks drool over a guy like you do over your darlin's with, erm, ah...endowments ;)
Oh yummy honey! Thank you (and yes, he is a VERY good reason to watch the show!) :)
OMIGOD!
Another KB fan (I thought we died with the dinosaurs)
Nah, Huh huh. Nope, he ain't.
Sure he is. C'mon...would I lie to you?
Pull my other leg, it's shorter. :)
< stupid drool >
OMG
|
|
 |
||
|
President George W. Bush (news - web sites) and Office of Management and Budget Director Joshua Bolton (C) talk to conferees, above a misspelled sign, at the White House Conference on the Economy in Washington, December 16, 2004. The White House went all out to showcase the advantages of U.S. President George W. Bush's ambitious financial agenda this week, but in the end the 'challenges' proved too much. The word 'challenges' -- a main theme of a two-day White House economic conference that ended on Thursday -- was misspelled on a large television monitor that stood in front of Bush during a panel discussion.REUTERS/Reuters TV |
|||
Disclaimer: Opinions posted on Free Republic are those of the individual posters and do not necessarily represent the opinion of Free Republic or its management. All materials posted herein are protected by copyright law and the exemption for fair use of copyrighted works.