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Mingus Opines #4:Will Urge Cat Events at Future Olympics, but Beijing 2008 Gives Her Paws
Mingus the Cat's Website ^ | 8/29/04 | Mingus the Cat

Posted on 08/29/2004 3:37:45 PM PDT by mingusthecat

Mingus Will Urge Cat Events at Future Olympics, but Beijing 2008 Gives Her Paws

ON THE FRONT STEPS, SOMEWHERE IN TEXAS—With the 28th Olympic Games set to reach their  finale on Sunday with a closing ceremony in Athens, Mingus the Cat today expressed disappointment and concern over the lack of certain important cat competitions during the 2-week event.  The opinionated feline vowed to urge the Olympic Committee to include these events in future Olympiads, although she was not planning on attending the Beijing 2008 Olympics and urged other cats to stay home in 2008 as well.

“This was my first Olympics, and when I heard they would be an international competition, in my mind I pictured competition between the Siamese; American Shorthairs; Australian Mists; Bombays; British Shorthairs; Egyptian Maus, Persians, Russian Blues, Persians and others!”

Mingus, right, who longs to compete in the Olympics, will nonetheless refrain from attending the 2008 Olympics in Beijing.

“I think I speak for the international cat community on this issue, and I demand satisfaction,” said Mingus, noting that at one point, she saw her humans inexplicably watching an event that consisted of lithe, flexible contestants frolicking about with balls and ribbons on sticks.

Mingus is perplexed as to why Rhythmic Gymnastics, right, is a sactioned Olympic Competition, when her own frolicking and batting about of ribbons and other objects usually just draws scolding at worst or condescending admiration at best.

“If whatever that event was can be called a ‘sporting event’ and included in the Olympics, then that sounds like something I do just for fun, and cats should have been included,” she said, noting that she was still perplexed as to why her humans were dedicating precious TV viewing time to watching the event when they either ignore or scold her for frolicking about with various objects.

Mingus’ list of recommended events for the 2008 Olympics includes:

  1. Power Napping (listening ability even while sleeping)
  2. Leg Stretching (flexibility)
  3. Butt Licking (form and effectiveness)
  4. Upholstery Unraveling (efficiency and persistence)
  5. Hairball Regurgitating (distance, form and inappropriateness of placement)
  6. Shelf Climbing (speed, persistence, height and dismount)
  7. Vermin Hunting and Retrieval (size, type and inappropriateness of placement)
  8. Mockingbird Dodging (form, evasiveness and persistence)
  9. Tree Climbing (speed, height, weight-to-limb-strength calculation and dismount)
  10. Back Arching/Tail Puffing (form and height)
  11. Ambush and Pounce (size of prey, form and effectiveness)
  12. Pupil Dilating (intimidation factor)
  13. Squirming & Evasion (form, time, and degree of scratches to human)

But, Mingus added, “While I hope the International Olympic Committee will seriously consider these events for 2012, I do not plan on going to Beijing in 2008, nor do I recommend that any cats do so.  After all, I want cats to compete in the Cat Walk, not the Cat Wok!”



TOPICS: Humor; Pets/Animals; Sports
KEYWORDS: cat; olympics; wok
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Meow.
1 posted on 08/29/2004 3:37:45 PM PDT by mingusthecat
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To: Slings and Arrows

meow


2 posted on 08/29/2004 3:38:35 PM PDT by mingusthecat (Mingus has again opined. Like any cat, she doesn't really care what YOU think.)
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To: mingusthecat

Considering what "pussys" many ex-Olympians have become (Carl Lewis), this is not so far-fetched...


3 posted on 08/29/2004 3:40:46 PM PDT by Lurking2Long
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To: mingusthecat

I wonder what cat tastes like.

Bet it's like chicken.


4 posted on 08/29/2004 3:41:57 PM PDT by Happygal (liberalism - a narrow tribal outlook largely founded on class prejudice)
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To: Happygal

Eat more chicken.


5 posted on 08/29/2004 3:44:59 PM PDT by mingusthecat (Mingus has again opined. Like any cat, she doesn't really care what YOU think.)
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To: mingusthecat

6 posted on 08/29/2004 3:48:14 PM PDT by Happygal (liberalism - a narrow tribal outlook largely founded on class prejudice)
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To: mingusthecat

Cat's got her tongue head.

7 posted on 08/29/2004 3:55:25 PM PDT by martin_fierro (_____oooo_( ° ¿ ° )_oooo_____)
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To: mingusthecat
Cat events at the Beijing Olympics:

d.o.l.

Criminal NUmber 18F

8 posted on 08/29/2004 3:58:52 PM PDT by Criminal Number 18F
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To: martin_fierro

Okay.....that's very scary.


9 posted on 08/29/2004 4:13:20 PM PDT by mingusthecat (Mingus has again opined. Like any cat, she doesn't really care what YOU think.)
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To: Criminal Number 18F

ROFLOL


10 posted on 08/29/2004 4:37:57 PM PDT by mingusthecat (Mingus has again opined. Like any cat, she doesn't really care what YOU think.)
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To: Happygal

11 posted on 08/29/2004 5:11:34 PM PDT by Slings and Arrows (RKBA Lord High Pun-dit [a.k.a. Chief Torturer])
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To: Slings and Arrows; Glenn; quantim; republicangel; Bahbah; Beaker; BADROTOFINGER; etabeta; ...
---
Kitty Ping List alert!

[Freepmail me to get on or off the Kitty Ping List.]

12 posted on 08/29/2004 5:12:41 PM PDT by Slings and Arrows (RKBA Lord High Pun-dit [a.k.a. Chief Torturer])
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To: mingusthecat
Hairball Regurgitating (distance, form and inappropriateness of placement)

Added style points for the judges stepping in it when they get up in the middle of the night to go to the bathroom.

13 posted on 08/29/2004 5:26:51 PM PDT by asgardshill (The Republican's best weapon lies midway between John Kerry's nose and lower chin.)
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To: mingusthecat

Don't forget Tea Stealing and Subsequent Caffeine Frenzies. (Or is that just my cat?)


14 posted on 08/29/2004 5:30:24 PM PDT by Slings and Arrows (RKBA Lord High Pun-dit [a.k.a. Chief Torturer])
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To: Slings and Arrows

By the way, I just heard Bill Clinton tell Geraldo Rivera that "I've been hurt by Slings and Arrows too." Who else did you hurt and why didn't you sell tickets when you hurt Bill Clinton?


15 posted on 08/29/2004 5:44:41 PM PDT by mingusthecat (Mingus has again opined. Like any cat, she doesn't really care what YOU think.)
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To: mingusthecat

I used to be a humor columnist, and I damn well hope I hurt Bill Clinton. I didn't sell tickets because the column was available freely over the web.

(Betcha weren't expecting that answer. ;-) )


16 posted on 08/29/2004 5:49:45 PM PDT by Slings and Arrows (RKBA Lord High Pun-dit [a.k.a. Chief Torturer])
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To: Foxfire4

Piddy ping.

}:-)4


17 posted on 08/29/2004 6:16:21 PM PDT by Moose4 (I've got two Viking Kittens locked and loaded, and I'm not afraid to use 'em. Back off!)
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To: Slings and Arrows

I have no response but to say that I so envy your talent and your work. By the way, the Mingus the Cat PR department takes "guest writers" on occasion, so feel free.....Just FReepmail to "my PR department" and we'll get it posted to the website, etc.


18 posted on 08/29/2004 6:25:16 PM PDT by mingusthecat (Mingus has again opined. Like any cat, she doesn't really care what YOU think.)
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To: Happygal; mingusthecat; Slings and Arrows

Did you ever think
When you eat Chinese,
You might be eating
A fat Siamese.


19 posted on 08/29/2004 7:44:51 PM PDT by Lucy Lake
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Comment #20 Removed by Moderator


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