A martini, huh. You're getting more and more like SheLion, aren't you?
Posted on 06/11/2004 11:34:12 AM PDT by Just another Joe
Hi appalachian_dweller! How you been?
Howdy - I finally made it!!!!!!!
Nice try, swarthyguy.
I'll personally escort you to the non-smoker's section (next to the dumpster outside) if being in here with we smoke-tolerant folks bothers you.
Another snicker.
One day, while walking to the store, I passed by a nursing home. On the front lawn were six old ladies lying naked on the grass.
I thought this was a bit unusual, but continued on my way to the store. On my return trip, I passed the same nursing home with the same six old ladies lying naked on the lawn.
This time, my curiosity got the best of me and I went inside to talk to the manager.
I asked, "Do you know there are six ladies lying naked on your front lawn?"
>
"Yes," he said. "They are retired prostitutes and they're having a yard sale."
Hehe! As long as he doesn't want to borrow my clothes. LOL!
JUST KIDDING AD!!!! hee!
Thank you!!!
>> You're getting more and more like SheLion, aren't you? <<
I'll consider that a compliment.
I've been fine. A couple of 4am mornings this week. I hate it when that happens. Makes me tired and grumpy. Other than that, life's been grand.
Was scheduled to do an upgrade this evening, but it's been postponed so I get to leave work earlier than expected this evening. Can't get much better than that!
BITE YOUR TONGUE.
>> I only waved the vermouth bottle at it. Not even OVER it, just at it. <<
Joe, you are an artist and a great man!!! LOL!!
Took me a while to figure out HOW to make a martini. What I've found is the glass has got to be cold. I keep mine in the freezer. Before that, my martinis used to taste like gasoline. * violently shivers *
Here's a joke to share with hubby.
WHAT ARE WOMEN LIKE?
Women are like apples on trees. The best ones are at the top of the tree. Some men don't want to reach for the good ones because they are afraid of falling and getting hurt. Instead, they just get the rotten apples from the ground that aren't as good, but easy. So the apples at the top think something is wrong with them, when in reality, THEY'RE AMAZING. They just have to wait for the right man to come along, the one who's brave enough to climb all the way to the top of the tree.
WHAT ARE MEN LIKE?
Men are like a fine wine. They start out as grapes, and it's up to women to stomp the shit out of them until they turn into something acceptable to have dinner with.
>> As long as he doesn't want to borrow my clothes. LOL! <<
I've done some strange things in my time, but cross-dressing never entered my mind. LOL!!
LAND OF THE FREE, HOME OF THE BRAVE
CELEBRATE THE FOURTH -
Wish Romney had the stones to veto it. Even if it is overridden.
Some fume over smoking ban start date
By Elisabeth J. Beardsley
Friday, June 11, 2004
Most bars and restaurants across the state will go smoke-free immediately after the Fourth of July holiday, under a new smoking ban passed yesterday that includes a pile of special interest exemptions.
Republicans, who staved off the measure for a year, complained the July 5 starting date is ``unachievable'' for businesses and that many would be disadvantaged by the numerous exemptions.
``It's totally unfair,'' said Senate Minority Leader Brian P. Lees (R-East Longmeadow).
The ban, which Gov. Mitt Romney [related, bio] will sign, creates exceptions for private clubs and fraternal organizations - and even nursing homes, after a senator's smoker mother gave him an earful. Civil fines range from $100 to $300.
GREAT!!!!!!!!! LOL! My kind of man! hehe!
My martinis are quite simple: I keep the gin in the freezer and just whisper "vermouth" over the top of the bottle before I take a slug. As dry as they can get!
A Norske yoke.
One dark night outside a small town in Minnesota, a fire started inside the local chemical plant and in a blink of an eye it exploded into
massive flames. The alarm went out to all the fire departments for miles around.
When the volunteer fire fighters appeared on the scene, the chemical company president rushed to the fire chief and said, "All of our secret formulas are in the vault in the center of the plant. They must be saved. I will give $50,000 to the fire department that brings them out intact." But the roaring flames held the firefighters off.
Soon more fire departments had to be called in as the situation became desperate. As the firemen arrived, the president shouted out that the offer was now $100,000 to the fire department who could bring out the company's secret files.
From the distance, a lone siren was heard as another fire truck
came into sight. It was the nearby Norwegian rural township volunteer fire company composed mainly of Norwegians over the age of 65.
To everyone's amazement, the little run-down fire engine, operated by these Norwegians, passed all the newer sleek engines parked outside the plant .... and drove straight into the middle of the inferno.
Outside, the other firemen watched as the Norwegian old timers
jumped off and began to fight the fire with a performance and effort never seen before.
Within a short time, the Norske old timers had extinguished the fire and saved the secret formulas.
The grateful chemical company president joyfully announced that for such a superhuman feat he was upping the reward to $200,000, and walked over to personally thank each of the brave, though elderly, Norske fire fighters.
The local TV news reporters rushed in after capturing the event on film asking, "What are you going to do with all that money?"
"Vell," said Ole Larsen, the 70-year-old fire chief, "da furst thing ve do is fix da brakes on dat foocking truck!"
BWAAA HAAAAA HAAAAAAAA!!!!!!
One for you, of course.
Subject: Hospital Call
Anyone who has ever had a loved one in the hospital will enjoy this.
A woman called a local hospital.
"Hello. Could you connect me to the person who gives information about patients. I'd like to find out if a patient is getting better, doing as expected,
or getting worse."
The voice on the other end said, "What is the patient's name and room number?"
"Sarah Finkel, room 302."
"I'll connect you with the nursing station."
"3-A Nursing Station. How can I help You?"
"I'd like to know the condition of Sarah Finkel in room 302." -"Just a moment. Let me look at her records. Mrs. Finkel is doing very well. In fact, she's had two full meals, her blood pressure is fine, to be
taken off the heart monitor in a couple of hours and, if she continues this improvement, Dr. Cohen is going to send her home Tuesday at noon."
The woman said, "What a relief! Oh, that's fantastic...that's wonderful news!"
The nurse said, "From your enthusiasm, I take it you are a close family member or a very close friend!"
"Neither! I'm Sarah Finkel in 302! Nobody here tells me anything around here."
Thank you my dear...............
Did you know that according to my Canadian Cyber stalker, FRee Republic is a tobacco front group, and also associated with white supremist and gay hatred groups????
I kid you not......some of these antis are really and truly over the bend. And he had the nerve to start a thread on another site proclaiming I had lost it!!!!!!
BWAAAAA HAAAA HAAAAA
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