Too cheap to have it altered?
When I worked in a boutique I saw women attempt to fit into clothing 4 sizes too small. The owner, being an honest woman, would lead them away from the ill-fitting clothes and find something more suitable, or she'd suggest they be altered if possible. Denise's evening wear should have come with a warning: Beware of exploding seams and other attire malfunctions.
JL, the old homestead gardens sound breathtaking, worthy of a visit from a garden club member or two. :)