The Guild 4-26-2004 Right-wing laugh riot

Washington Times ^ | 11-6-2003 | Laura Vanderkam

[BigWaveBetty]

One night last summer, radio host Larry Elder beckoned his listeners to the Ha Ha Cafe in North Hollywood to film a documentary lampooning liberal film maker Michael Moore.

Intrigued, producer Eric Peterkofsky showed up for the night's comedy. He listened as comic Jeff Wayne headlined the event with right-wing jokes rarely heard in comedy shows.

[BigWaveBetty]

The Republican attack machine wants you to think I'm not humorous, well I won't stand for that, it's time the truth is told and I will tell you exactly how many times I've been humorous. There have been exactly three times in my life I've been humorous. Except on our wedding night Teresa laughed out loud, but that was by accident she and she said she was sorry.

[BigWaveBetty]

Good Morning!!

[BigWaveBetty]

Dadgumit! Take the first she out of that and it should make sense...

accident she and she said she was sorry.

Sheesh!!

[Iowa Granny]

Good Morning. Thanks for the new thread.

[lodwick]

Outstanding.

Good Monday morning, everyone.

[GeronL]

bump

[BigWaveBetty]

"President Bush listed his income as $822,000. You know what John Kerry calls someone who earns $822,000? Not even worth dating." —Jay Leno

[Aquamarine]

Good morning! Enjoyed the article.
Kerry's humorous all the time, he just doesn't mean to be. :)

[BigWaveBetty]

Awwwww, poor John, he can't help it. :-)

[Aquamarine]

That's funny. I hadn't seen that one before.

Quite a contrast, huh?

[Hillary's Lovely Legs]

I heard on the radio that Michael Moore said something really sickening about our troups and that he hoped that more would die.

They said that it was on Page Six, but for the life of me I can't find it. Since you are Page Six genius, have you read it or could you please find it and post it here?

[Timeout]

Mountaineer's off to Freep Kerry in West Virginia this morning. She told me earlier she's going to wear Mr. M's marathon medals around her neck! (He won't let her "toss" them...LOL!)

Effin's spin machine is in full throttle this morning. After being nailed by Good Morning America, they're trying to pretend the focus is merely whether he threw "ribbons" or "medals" back in 1971.

But, as Charlie Gibson pointed out, Effin allowed the myth of his throwing medals to hang out there for 13 years---1971 to 1984---years when being anti-war appealed to the donkey elites.

By '84 it was no longer in vogue to have been a war protester...and Kerry was running for the Senate. (Remember, this was Morning in America.) He changed his story, saying he would never have thrown away his cherished decorations.

I don't think the spin's gonna work.

[BigWaveBetty]

Won't these two look sweet together in court?

..

[BigWaveBetty]

I think this might be what they were reffering to:

The Iraqis who have risen up against the occupation are not "insurgents" or "terrorists" or "The Enemy." They are the REVOLUTION, the Minutemen, and their numbers will grow -- and they will win. Get it, Mr. Bush? You closed down a friggin' weekly newspaper, you great giver of freedom and democracy! Then all hell broke loose. The paper only had 10,000 readers! Why are you smirking?

[SuziQ]

I heard on the radio that Michael Moore said something really sickening about our troups and that he hoped that more would die.

Unfortunately, that doesn't surprise me in the least.

[BigWaveBetty]

April 26, 2004 -- PAYBACK can be painful - as Bob Woodward will learn when "The Big Secret" (Forge Books) arrives in stores in June.

The author, Pete Earley, was hired by Woodward at the Washington Post in 1980, but then was forced to resign in 1986 after the Watergate sleuth "tried to get me fired," he says.

Now Earley's first novel features an arrogant, scheming star reporter for the Washington "Tribune" who broke the Watergate case with the help of an inside source - not Deep Throat, but "the Wizard."

The fictional journalist, Andrew Middleton, plots to have his girlfriend killed when she gets too close to his big secret and has another reporter fired, just as Woodward allegedly tried to get Earley canned. "Middleton undermines reporters who are successful, especially those he thinks are threats. He's jealous," the novel says on page 198.

The character is also a fraud, as portrayed by Earley, who makes the case that Middleton/Woodward never had a Deep Throat - just leaks from the CIA - and invented the mystery man to hype sales of "All the President's Men," his book about Watergate co-written with Carl Bernstein.

Asked if "The Big Secret" was his revenge, Earley told PAGE SIX:

"Leaving the Post was a great career move for me. I've made more money and written several best-selling and, I hope, important books. So I'm not bitter. But I do deeply resent that Bob Woodward betrayed me and he did it in the cruelest way possible.



"He befriended me first. He flattered me and appealed to my ego. He promised me that our conversations would be off the record, and then he went directly to the people who were involved in our private conversations and told them what had been said. He drove a knife in my back.

"What has always struck me as odd is the ease with which he betrayed me . . . The guy actually put his arm on my shoulder and said we were going to become great friends - and then, within a few hours, he was trying to get me fired. When I confronted him, he called me naive."

Woodward went on to write several other best sellers. His latest, "Plan of Attack," tells of rancor in the White House as preparations were made for the liberation of Iraq.

"I'm going to send my novel to Colin Powell and Condoleezza Rice," Earley said. "I wonder if they will also feel naive."

A call to Woodward was not returned.

(PageSix)

[BigWaveBetty]

April 26, 2004 -- IN a new book about the last days of Jacqueline Kennedy Onassis, Carly Simon says that Ed Schlossberg, husband of Caroline Kennedy, berated the singer to the point of tears at the former first lady's wake. Simon, who attended the wake with her husband, Jim Hart, and a masseuse friend of Jackie's named Biko, tells author Edward Klein about the ugly incident in "Farewell, Jackie" (Viking). "Biko brought a gift, a long candle in the shape of a calla lilly. And I brought the lyrics to my song 'Touched by the Sun,' which I had written on parchment and tied with a pretty silvery ribbon . . . Biko said we were supposed to leave our offerings - the candle and the parchment - on top of the casket." Moments later, she recalls, "Ed Schlossberg came over. He said, 'We're very angry with you, Carly. You have to take those things off the casket. It's only for the grandchildren.' " He didn't stop there. "He went on and on in this vein - how intrusive it was, what I had done. 'You committed a faux pas,' he said. I was crying as I left." On Carly's way out, Bunny Mellon stepped in, telling her, "Don't worry. I'll take care of it. I'll make sure Jackie gets your gifts."

(PageSix)

[BigWaveBetty]

Sightings (PageSix)

ROCCO DiSpirito, Al Franken, Al Sharpton and Janeane Garafolo among the crowd of 1,500 at Moby's Teany Cafe for an anti-George Bush "bake sale" fund-raiser sponsored by Moveon.org .

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April 26, 2004 -- BEN Stein knows how to butter up a beauty queen. Before an appearance on Fox News Channel the other day, the 59-year-old TV personality seemed to be flirting with newly crowned Miss USA Shandi Finnessey . "If you're ever in L.A., call me, and I'll take you to Mortons, where all the stars hang out," said Stein, who gave Finnessey his card and asked three times to take pictures with her in the green room. "I've met a lot of beauty queens and you're by far the most beautiful. How tall are you?" For the record, Shandi is 5-foot-11, while Stein is 5-foot-8.

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April 26, 2004 -- "SEX and the City" may be over, but the actress best known as Samantha Jones still has sex on her schedule - specifically, a documentary about it. The other night at the Museum of TV & Radio's Documentary Festival, Kim Cattrall was in the audience for a screening of "Still Doing It: The Intimate Lives of Women Over 65." During a post-screening Q&A, the filmmakers introduced Cattrall and asked her to say a few words. "I am distressed to learn about vaginal atrophy," she commented with a smile. Cattrall, author with her now-ex-husband of "Satisfaction," a book on the female orgasm, then explained that she was researching a documentary about sex which will include men's stories as well. "Still Doing It" producer Diana Holtzberg said she was thrilled someone as well known as Cattrall was exploring the topic. Despite festival raves for "Still Doing It" - and sales to television entities in foreign countries - the documentary has yet to find an American outlet. Broadcast and cable execs in the U.S. have told the filmmakers that middle-aged and older women are not a demographic that interests them.

Well! Excuuuuuuse us!!

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April 26, 2004 -- JOAN Rivers is no stranger to facelifts. In fact, many would say the funny lady never met a facelift she didn't like, which is why she's signed on to perform at the party to celebrate the "facelift," or redesign, of Mercedes- Benz's C-Class, at Fez May 4. It also helps that Rivers has a soft spot for the car company. "My husband drove one, my sister drives one, my daughter drives one," but not Joan. "I'm a New Yorker," she quipped, but "I'm hoping Mercedes-Benz will give me the deal I'm looking for," which we suspect includes a man to serve as her "driver."

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April 26, 2004 -- THOUGH she protests the "air head" label many have slapped on her, Jessica Simpson often is her own worst enemy when it comes to disproving it. Take her recent appearance at "VH1 Divas." The sultry songbird wore five different outfits during the concert - three of which were made specially for her by Donna Karan, with the others from Elie Saab and J. Mendel. However, when "Access Hollywood" asked who designed her red-carpet gown, the ditsy diva replied, "Escada," instead of Karan.

[BigWaveBetty]

(Cindy Adams)

April 26, 2004 -- NEIL Diamond and Barbra Streisand heading a Kerry fund-raising concert in L.A. in early June. The New York version, with different headliners, is scheduled for Radio City Music Hall on June 10 . . . By the way, the candidate's wife is currently reading a book about John Adams and the missus, Abigail. Says Mrs. Kerry: "They had a real reciprocity going on. I'm trying to follow that." By the way No. 2: Teresa Heinz Kerry does eat ketchup.

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Cindy just wanted us to know....

I'M always opening my cavernous mouth to say bad things about bad people. Now I want to say something good. I just flew United internationally. The plane was full. Passenger agent Doris Melendez and those metal detector security guys were the nicest, sweetest, most patient airline people I ever met. My e-ticket confused me. They helped. My computer was a problem. They helped. My economy seat was a hassle. Stewardesses went out of their way to help. I just wanted you to know . . .

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And Liz Smith gets the scoop from, "you bet your ass!", Robert Evans:

Super-producer and self-made legend Robert Evans arrived with dramatic and amusing flourish. Holding his own crystal decanter of cosmopolitans in one hand and Haskell's new Star Cruncher in the other. "This is the first piece of sexy exercise equipment. It's a cross between S&M and disco. I can get fit while still drinking!" he said. (And here you thought good old-fashioned Hollywood excess was dead.) But it's not all abs and cosmos for Bob. He still plans to make a movie about Cuban rebel Ché Guevara with Val Kilmer in the lead.
http://www.nypost.com/gossip/liz.htm

[BigWaveBetty]

LAKE TEXOMA, Texas -- Cody Mullennix, left, and Jason Holbrook hold a 121- pound catfish caught by Mullennix on Lake Texoma. (01/18/04 AP photo)

Everything IS bigger in Texas.