Who Wrote the Flame of All Flames

Does anyone remember who wrote the following flame of all flames? Thanks for your help.

You swine. You vulgar little maggot. You worthless bag of filth. As we say in Texas, I'll bet you couldn't pour p!ss out of a boot with instructions on the heel.

You are a canker. A sore that won't go away. I would rather kiss a lawyer than be seen with you. You're a putrescent mass, a walking vomit. You are a spineless little worm deserving nothing but the profoundest contempt. You are a jerk, a cad, a weasel. Your life is a monument to stupidity. You are a stench, a revulsion, a big suck on a sour lemon.

You are a bleating foal, a curdled staggering mutant dwarf smeared richly with the effluvia and offal accompanying your alleged birth into this world. An insensate, blinking calf, meaningful to nobody, abandoned by the puke-drooling, giggling beasts who sired you and then killed themselves in recognition of what they had done. I will never get over the embarrassment of belonging to the same species as you. You are a monster, an ogre, a malformity. I barf at the very thought of you.

You have all the appeal of a paper cut. Lepers avoid you. You are vile, worthless, less than nothing. You are a weed, a fungus, the dregs of this earth. And did I mention you smell? Try to edit your responses of unnecessary material before attempting to impress us with your insight. The evidence that you are a nincompoop will still be available to readers, but they will be able to access it more rapidly.

You snail-skulled little rabbit. Would that a hawk pick you up, drive its beak into your brain, and upon finding it rancid set you loose to fly briefly before spattering the ocean rocks with the frothy pink shame of your ignoble blood.

May you choke on the queasy, convulsing nausea of your own trite, foolish beliefs. You are weary, stale, flat and unprofitable. You are grimy, squalid, nasty and profane. You are foul and disgusting. You're a fool, an ignoramus. Monkeys look down on you. Even sheep won't have sex with you.

You are unreservedly pathetic, starved for attention, and lost in a land that reality forgot. And what meaning do you expect your delusionally self-important statements of unknowing, inexperienced opinion to have with us? What fantasy do you hold that you would believe that your tiny-fisted tantrums would have more weight than that of a leprous desert rat, spinning rabidly in a circle, waiting for the bite of the snake?

You are a waste of flesh. You have no rhythm. You are ridiculous and obnoxious. You are the moral equivalent of a leech. You are a living emptiness, a meaningless void. You are sour and senile. You are a disease. You are a puerile, one-handed, slack-jawed, drooling, meatslapper. On a good day you're a half-wit. You remind me of drool.

You are deficient in all that lends character. You have the personality of wallpaper. You are dank and filthy. You are asinine and benighted. You are the source of all unpleasantness. You spread misery and sorrow wherever you go. You smarmy lagerlout git. You bloody woofter sod. Bugger off, pillock. You grotty wanking oik artless base-court apple-john. You clouted boggish foot-licking twit. You dankish clack-dish plonker. You gormless crook-pated tosser. You churlish boil-brained clotpole ponce. You cockered bum-bailey poofter. You craven dewberry pisshead cockup pratting naff. You gob-kissing gleeking flap-mouthed coxcomb. You dread-bolted fobbing beef-witted clapper-clawed flirt-gill.

You are a fiend and a coward, and you have bad breath. You are degenerate, noxious and depraved. I feel debased just for knowing you exist. I despise everything about you, and I wish you would go away.

I cannot believe how incredibly stupid you are. I mean rock-hard stupid. Dehydrated-rock-hard stupid. Stupid, so stupid it goes way beyond the stupid we know into a whole different dimension of stupid. You are trans-stupid stupid. Meta-stupid. Stupid collapsed on itself so far that even the neutrons have collapsed. Stupid gotten so dense that no intellect can escape. Singularity stupid. Blazing hot mid-day sun on Mercury stupid. You emit more stupid in one second than our entire galaxy emits in a year. Quasar stupid. Your writing has to be a troll. Nothing in our universe can really be this stupid. Perhaps this is some primordial fragment from the original big bang of stupid. Some pure essence of a stupid so uncontaminated by anything else as to be beyond the laws of physics that we know. I'm sorry. I can't go on. This is an epiphany of stupid for me.

After this, you may not hear from me again for a while. I don't have enough strength left to deride your ignorant questions and half baked comments about unimportant trivia, or any of the rest of this drivel. Duh. The only thing worse than your logic is your manners. I have snipped away most of what you wrote, because, well... it didn't really say anything.

Your attempt at constructing a creative post was pitiful. I mean, really, stringing together a bunch of insults among a load of babbling was hardly effective... Maybe later in life, after you have learned to read, write, spell, and count, you will have more success. True, these are rudimentary skills that many of us "normal" people take for granted that everyone has an easy time of mastering. But we sometimes forget that there are "challenged" persons in this world who find these things more difficult. If I had known, that this was your case then I would have never read your post. It just wouldn't have been "right". Sort of like parking in a handicap space. I wish you the best of luck in the emotional, and social struggles that seem to be placing such a demand on you.

My complaint about Sen. John F Kerry

Some of my colleagues recommended that I write a letter about how we must use our minds and spirits to halt Sen. John F Kerry's efforts to disparage and ridicule our traditional heroes and role models. This is that letter. Before I start, however, I should state that to understand what John's particularly disreputable form of McCarthyism has encompassed as a movement and as a system of rule, we have to look at its historical context and development as a form of morally questionable politics that first arose in early twentieth-century Europe in response to rapid social upheaval, the devastation of World War I, and the Bolshevik Revolution. Far too many people tolerate his machinations as long as they're presented in small, seemingly harmless doses. What these people fail to realize, however, is that I didn't want to talk about this. I really didn't. But it's easy enough to hate John any day of the week on general principles. But now I'll tell you about some very specific things that John is up to, things that ought to make a real John-hater out of you. First off, evil individuals are acting in concert with other evil individuals for an evil purpose. From this anecdotal evidence, I would argue that now that I've been exposed to John's double standards, I must admit that I don't completely understand them. Perhaps I need to get out more. Or perhaps John appears to have found a new tool to use to help him canonize scornful, crass fast-buck artists as nomological emblems of propriety. That tool is fanaticism, and if you watch him wield it, you'll doubtlessly see why I am making a pretty serious accusation here. I am accusing him of planning to legitimize the fear and hatred of the privileged for the oppressed. And I don't want anyone to think that I am basing my accusation only on the fact that I'm willing to accept that he is as footling as he is snotty. I'm even willing to accept that his continuous and deliberate misuse of the word "interdestructiveness" in an attempt to violate the basic tenets of journalism and scholarship is both vicious and illiberal. But the next time he decides to make things worse, he should think to himself, cui bono? -- who benefits? During the first half of the 20th century, classism could have been practically identified with separatism. Today, it is not so clear who can properly be called prissy, sappy braggadocios.

One could imagine that some good might come from letting John distract people from serious analysis of the situation. But the only one whose imagination is vivid enough is John. He parrots whatever ideas are fashionable at the moment. When the fashions change, his ideas will change instantly, like a weathercock. It is becoming increasingly obvious to many people that his reinterpretations of historic events may have been conceived in idealism, but they quickly degenerated into superstitious, benighted cannibalism. Why is it that flattery will get John nowhere? It's because only through education can individuals gain the independent tools they need to weaken the critical links in John's nexus of clueless egotism. But the first step is to acknowledge that this makes me fearful that I might someday find myself in the crosshairs of his deplorable, diabolic whinges. (To be honest, though, it wouldn't be the first time.)

Admittedly, we mustn't tolerate the likes of John F Kerry. But that's because I shall not argue that his newsgroup postings are an authentic map of his plan to deny minorities a cultural voice. Read them and see for yourself. In point of fact, I once overheard him say something quite astonishing. Are you strapped in? He said that his smear tactics are a breath of fresh air amid our modern culture's toxic cloud of chaos. Can you believe that? At least his statement made me realize that he doesn't want us to deal with the relevant facts. He would rather we settle for the meatless bone of colonialism. John contends that my bitterness at him is merely the latent projection of libidinal energy stemming from self-induced anguish. Sounds rather spineless, doesn't it? Well, that's John for you. That's it for this letter. I sincerely hope that typing it was not a complete waste of energy. Unfortunately, I do realize that my words will probably trigger no useful response in the flabby synapses of Sen. John F Kerry's brain. I just felt obligated to go through the motions because I cannot conceive of any circumstance under which his expedients could be considered appropriate.

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