The Guild 4-3-2004 Things Bob Actually Does Know About Women #27

Sour Bob ^ | Sour Bob

[Utah Girl]

Things Bob Actually Does Know About Women #27

or, The Math of Phone Numbers

• where x is the number of girls for whose phone numbers you ask...
  
• where K is the percentage of the same-age dating population left over after you weed out the emotionally disturbed, chronically chemically-addled, intellectually unsatisfying, personality-challenged, and essentially unavailable persons...
  

• where y is the percentage of people who maintain their attractiveness in the harsh light of day, away from free-flowing drinks and neon beer lights...
  
• where z represents the rate of people who will either give you a crap number, screen your call out, or never answer your message...
  
• where b represents the likelihood that, all things being equal, either of you will continue to show interest at the time of this follow-up call...
  
• where 2 is considered to be the random-weirdness-that-can-screw-anything-up-where-dating-is-concerned factor...

Given all of this, the odds of successfully attaining a date based on a phone number attained at a bar can be expressed by the following equation:

Assuming K to be .85, figuring y to be around .5 (although it may be considerably higher if you drink heavily, or slightly lower if you don't drink at all), estimating z to be around .15, and putting b at around a two out of three chance...

Going by those numbers, you need to ask for about twelve numbers for every date you expect to get.

[They'reGone2000]

This guy (bless his heart?) makes me want to type something that is not in keeping with the holiday weekend:

Quote of the Day: "I’ve listened to people for a long time referring to George W. Bush as 43. I didn’t really know what it meant until now. I’ve figured it out. It’s his approval rating, ladies and gentlemen." --Sen. John Kerry, who, apparently, had not seen CBS News’s latest poll which shows Bush’s approval rating at 49 percent.

[Timeout]

Remember my term "Canardians"?

I coined it for the Dems' habit of setting up a false situation to then accuse Bush of something (Iraq wasn't an "imminent" threat...Bush lied!).

I think I've detected a new canard. Watch for it when you hear them talk about the June 30th turnover of power in Iraq. They inevitably throw in a line about "the troops coming home". They're trying to create a subliminal expectation in American minds. When it doesn't happen (because it was never true), they'll lead Americans to believe "Bush lied".

[Iowa Granny]

I think you're on to something there.

[lodwick]

A lady from California, who was a Green Peace tree hugger and a vociferous anti-hunter, purchased a piece of timberland. There was a large tree on one of the highest points in the tract. She wanted to get a good view of the natural splendor of her land so she started to climb the big tree.
As she neared the top, she encountered a spotted owl that attacked her. In her haste to escape, the lady slid down the tree to the ground and got many splinters in her crotch. In considerable pain, she hurried to the nearest country doctor. She told him what an environmentalist and anti-hunter she was, and how she came to get all the splinters.

The doctor listened to her story with great patience and then told her to go into the examining room and he would see if he could help her. She sat and waited for three hours before the doctor reappeared. The angry lady demanded, "What took you so long?"

He smiled and then told her, "Well, I had to get permits from the Environmental Protection Agency, the Forest Service, and the Bureau of Land Management before I could remove old-growth timber from a recreational area and....

I'm sorry, but they all turned me down."

[Iowa Granny]

Fantastic!

Copied and placed in my file. This will really come in handy before I know it.

[BigWaveBetty]

and was only disappointed with one of her answers.

That was the one I thought she could have handled better as well but then I thought most people would be able to understand what GWB meant when he first said it to his staff.

Calling Condi "Dr. Clarke" repeatedly coupled with that idiot question made him look like he needed to be in a rest home not on a committee panel.

[BigWaveBetty]

the fellas learn better how to hide their bad side as they get older, which makes it difficult for women to find a good fella.

I wouldn't blame it all on the fellas, women are very good at ignoring what they don't like in a man and thinking that they'll be able to change him later. It never works. Besides that, vision gets very blurry when love happens. :-)

[BigWaveBetty]

"Tell the boys in the white coats to hang on just a minute, I want to find out more about those flies, were they regular flies, were they those big fat blue-green flies..."

[mountaineer]

Bob Kerrey's bizarre "Julius Caesar" hairdo doesn't do anything to convince me he's in full command of his faculties.

[mountaineer]

I believe you're right. The administration needs to make it quite clear that the transfer of power doesn't mean total withdrawal. Dagnabbit, I'm so sick of the way the Democrats absolutely refuse to tell the truth about anything!

[BigWaveBetty]

Kerrey's bizarre "Julius Caesar" hairdo

HAHAHA! Me too, there's just so much to Kerrey that activates the *crazy* meter.

I'm so sick of the way the Democrats absolutely refuse to tell the truth about anything!

This next week will be drag Ascroft through the mud. It was nice of them to wait until he was out of the hospital.

[daisyscarlett]

Good job on Laney's Easter package, Grandma. Does she have pearls and a hat to complete her ensemble?

Kerrey is a real jerk and I think he was auditioning for VP at the hearings...trying to sound tough etc. Kerry and Kerrey-wouldn't that be something? Two war heros, two womanizers, two idiots....

[daisyscarlett]

Say, I thought Kerry promised not to hold babies for 6 weeks post surgery?

[mountaineer]

He is utterly clueless when it comes to holding a baby. There's another pic that shows him "feeding" the child, except the bottle is upright, and the poor bambino is just sucking air! I see his face has taken on yet another form, too. Botulism alert!

[daisyscarlett]

Very nice Good Friday graphic. Thanks for posting it here.

[daisyscarlett]

He is clueless about lots of things, lol. There is a photo of him kissing Teresa and he misses her mouth..ends up kissing her chin, very gross...

How is your Easter baking coming along...what are you and King Arthur flour up to this year?

[BigWaveBetty]

Pearls she's got, mom wanted to buy the hat. Can't wait for the pictures!

Hmmm, a Kerry/Kerrey ticket, the slogan could go something like:

Double you taxes, double your national security threat with the double reprobates!

[BigWaveBetty]

[Jeopardy!] Journalists! Among the contestants taped yesterday were NBC's "Meet the Press" host Tim Russert, CBS's Gretchen Carlson, CNN's Tucker Carlson, Aaron Brown and Anderson Cooper, NPR's Tavis Smiley, CNBC's Mario Maria Bartiromo, MSNBC's Keith Olbermann, The Post's Bob Woodward and even the recently deposed Ashleigh Banfield, who was described on in the press materials as a "TV Corespondent" [sic]. (Hmmm. No entries from Fox?).

Also appearing for charity: Al Franken, Christine Todd Whitman, Ari Fleischer, NAACP President Kweisi Mfume, and Peggy Noonan, the Post's Jennifer Frey reports.

Who won? We can't say -- the episodes won't air until the week of May 10. But we can say this: Deep Throat was an answer, and Woodward, alas, Noonan beat Woodward to the buzzer.


http://www.washingtonpost.com/wp-dyn/articles/A48619-2004Apr3.html

[BigWaveBetty]

A little get together in NY reveals just how scary a president Kerry would be:

In a Fifth Avenue living room one recent evening, Richard Holbrooke was introduced to a crowd of New York Democrats as "the next Secretary of State."

Many of these New Yorkers—most of them are men—still feel the sting of vanished appointments to a Gore administration. But now they are revved up again, ..... Quietly, they are positioning themselves for ambassadorships, commission seats and key roles in a hoped-for Kerry cabinet. Their campaign, well underway in many East Side parlors, is roiling a tiny world in which everyone wants to be the next Robert Rubin, Mr. Clinton’s Treasury Secretary.

Investment bankers Roger Altman and Steven Rattner are thought to be competing for the top economic posts. State Attorney General Eliot Spitzer could take John Ashcroft’s job. New School President Bob Kerrey must be in line for something important.

Mr. Rattner, a former New York Times reporter and now the managing principal of the Quadrangle Group, was considered a likely Treasury Secretary under Mr. Gore.

Democrats are nearly unanimous in dreaming of Mr. Rubin’s return to Washington. They float his name as a replacement for Federal Reserve Bank chairman Alan Greenspan.

"If we get him back, he could save this country," said John Catsimatidis, a Democrat who owns the Gristede’s and Red Apple supermarket chains. Wishing for a bad mood? Read on...

[lodwick]

Good morning, everyone - barely.

It's overcast with thunder-boomers in our forecast.