The Hobbit Hole VII - But not yet weary are our feet...

[Lil'freeper]

Morning!

Izzit Friday yet?

[RosieCotton]

I wish!

[2Jedismom]

Good morning everyone!

[2Jedismom]

This is funny:

Dave Barry: When carbs were legal

I probably shouldn't admit this to you younger readers, but when my generation was your age, we did some pretty stupid things. I'm talking about taking CRAZY risks. We drank water right from the tap. We used aspirin bottles that you could actually open with your bare hands. We bought appliances that were not festooned with helpful safety warnings such as "DO NOT BATHE WITH THIS TOASTER."

But for sheer insanity, the wildest thing we did was - prepare to be shocked - we deliberately ingested carbohydrates.

I know; I know. It was wrong. But we were young and foolish, and there was a lot of peer pressure. You'd be at a party, and there would be a lava lamp blooping away and a Jimi Hendrix record playing (a "record" was a primitive compact disc that operated by static electricity). And then, when the mood was right, somebody would say: "You wanna do some 'drates?" And the next thing you know, there'd be a bowl of pretzels going around, or crackers, or even potato chips, and we'd put these things into our mouths and just . . . EAT them.

I'm not proud of this. My only excuse was that we were ignorant. It's not like now, when everybody knows how bad carbohydrates are, and virtually every product is advertised as being "low-carb," including beer, denture adhesives, floor wax, tires, life insurance and Viagra. Back then, we had no idea. Nobody did! Our own MOTHERS gave us bread!

Today, of course, nobody eats bread. People are terrified of all carbohydrates, as evidenced by the recent mass robbery at a midtown Manhattan restaurant, where 87 patrons turned their wallets over to a man armed only with a strand of No. 8 spaghetti. ("Do what he says! He has pasta!") The city of Beverly Hills, Calif., has been evacuated twice this month because of reports - false, thank heavens - that terrorists had put a bagel in the water supply.

But as I say, in the old days we didn't recognize the danger of carbohydrates. We believed that the reason you got fat was from eating "calories," which are tiny units of measurement that cause food to taste good. When we wanted to lose weight, we went on low-calorie diets in which we ate only inedible foods such as celery, which is actually a building material, and grapefruit, which is nutritious but offers the same level of culinary satisfaction as chewing on an Odor Eater.

The problem with the low-calorie diet was that a normal human could stick to it for, at most, four hours, at which point he or she would have no biological choice but to sneak out to the garage and snork down an entire bag of Snickers, sometimes without removing the wrappers. So nobody lost weight, and everybody felt guilty all the time. Many people, in desperation, turned to disco.

But then along came the bold food pioneer who invented the Atkins Diet: Dr. Something Atkins. After decades of research on nutrition and weight gain - including the now-famous Hostess Ding Dong Diet Experiment, which resulted in a laboratory rat the size of a Plymouth Voyager - Dr. Atkins discovered an amazing thing: Calories don't matter! What matter are carbohydrates, which result when a carbo molecule and a hydrate molecule collide at high speeds and form tiny invisible doughnuts.

Dr. Atkins' discovery meant that - incredible though it seemed - as long as you avoided carbohydrates, you could, without guilt, eat high-fat, high-calorie foods such as cheese, bacon, lard, pork rinds and whale. You could eat an entire pig, as long as the pig had not recently been exposed to bread.

At first, like other groundbreaking pioneers such as Galileo and Eminem, Dr. Atkins was met with skepticism, even hostility. The low-calorie-foods industry went after him big time. The Celery Growers Association hired a detective to - yes - stalk him. His car tires were repeatedly slashed by what police determined to be shards of Melba toast.

But Dr. Atkins persisted, because he had a dream - a dream that, someday, he would help the human race by selling it 427 million diet books. And he did, achieving vindication for his diet before his tragic demise in an incident that the autopsy report listed as "totally unrelated to the undigested 28-pound bacon cheeseburger found in his stomach."

But the Atkins Diet lives on, helping millions of Americans to lose weight. The irony is, you can't tell this by looking at actual Americans, who have, as a group, become so heavy that North America will soon be underwater as far inland as Denver. Which can only mean one thing: You people are still sneaking Snickers. You should be ashamed of yourselves! Got any more?

[JenB]

We have Tenebrae services every year on Maundy Thursday. In fact we sometimes don't have a Good Friday service but always Maundy Thursday - I don't know what makes it a 'Tenebrae Service' but apparently that's what it is called.

Ugh, am still sick. Am no longer high on Nyquil. I'm not going to work today but I'll see how much I can do at home.

[JenB]

That is pretty funny!

[Lil'freeper]

It is funny- and I needed the chuckle.

The she-trolls I work for have me bummed out again for the time being. Argh.

[RosieCotton]

Today, of course, nobody eats bread. People are terrified of all carbohydrates, as evidenced by the recent mass robbery at a midtown Manhattan restaurant, where 87 patrons turned their wallets over to a man armed only with a strand of No. 8 spaghetti. ("Do what he says! He has pasta!")

Heh...Dave Barry is a hoot!

[JenB]

So how's it going up in Vermont?

[RosieCotton]

Well...it's raining on and off and is supposed to pretty much rain all the way through the weekend. I was hoping to do something akin to hiking, though I'm sure it's muddy out there...but can't in the rain. And I have no new anime to watch. And Dad borrowed Van-sama today and I forgot to take my work keys off the keyring...plus remembered that I needed to drive home during lunch to go to the town office and license Fiona and pay my water bill...now I gotta pay a late fee for the license (my fault for procrastinating, but...)

On the bright side, Fritz didn't mess in the house this morning. Or hadn't when I left, anyway.

[JenB]

Oh, dear...

I'm not running today, fyi. Too sick. Every muscle in my body hurts. I'm taking it easy today but tomorrow I have classes and I don't think I can just skip.

We have the same weather. Stupid clouds.

I'm going to take a break in a bit and watch some Ruruoni Kenshin. I'm really, really impressed with this anime. A lot of nice little things, some lovely music, and what little I know of Japanese history seems to indicate that it's fairly accurate. Oh - no pretty-boys anywhere, either. Also no mecha or dragons or demons. Just a lot of fighting.

[HairOfTheDog]

Does anybody else up there still have bites? It's startin' to sound kinda serious.

Mine are still visible! They are no longer bumps, but just remaining red spots and they do sometimes itch still! Tickin' me off, I wonder if my legs are always going to look like I have chicken pox.

[HairOfTheDog]

How fun! is that the nursery or your room PE?

[My back yard]

I thought that was awfully decent of those officers!

Yikes, don't think I agree that was a civilized thing to do. Much as I would want to, I would hope I'd let the justice system handle it. (there are many, Frodo, who deserve an a$$ whippin', and some who deserve hugs, can you give it to them? lol)

[My back yard]

Purty nice!!

[HairOfTheDog]

We got the invitation today! It is SO sweet!

Oh good! ~grins~

[My back yard]

Yeah! Morning!!!!

[JenB]

Mine are there... they're little brown spots on, not red, but they itch, yeah. Fortunately I only had a few dozen and not more than 8 are left.

You know, it's a lot quieter here at home than I thought it would be. Apparently the brothers are doing their schoolwork with a lot less noise than I always assumed... no one's even bugging me. Hmmm.... I could like this working from home thing.

[RosieCotton]

Is Ruruoni Kenshin someone's name?

[My back yard]

Been browsing the Catholic shops looking for a gift. I have found one. Forgive me if someone has already talked about this book. My memory is detached somewhat lately.