The Hobbit Hole VII - But not yet weary are our feet...

[Lil'freeper]

You've Probably seen this. It's one of those email thingys:

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* HOW TO GIVE A PILL TO A CAT *

1. Pick cat up and cradle it in the crook of your left arm as if holding a baby. Position right forefinger and thumb on either side of cat's mouth and gently apply pressure to cheeks while holding pill in right hand. As cat opens mouth pop pill into mouth. Allow cat to close mouth and swallow.

2. Retrieve pill from floor and cat from behind sofa. Cradle cat in left arm and repeat process.

3. Retrieve cat from bedroom, and throw soggy pill away.

4. Take new pill from foil wrap, cradle cat in left arm-holding rear paws tightly with left hand. Force jaws open and push pill to back of mouth with right forefinger. Hold mouth shut for a count of ten.

5. Retrieve pill from goldfish bowl and the cat from top of wardrobe.

6. Call spouse from garden. Kneel on floor with cat wedged firmly between knees, hold front and rear paws. Ignore low growls emitted by cat. Get spouse to hold head firmly with one hand while forcing wooden ruler into mouth. Drop pill down ruler and rub cat's throat vigorously.

7. Retrieve cat from curtain rail, get another pill from foil wrap. Make note to buy new ruler and repair curtains. Carefully sweep shattered figurines and vases from hearth and set to one side for gluing later.

8. Wrap cat in large towel and get spouse to lie on cat with head just visible from below armpit. Put pill in end of drinking straw, force mouth open with pencil and blow down drinking straw.

9. Check label to make sure pill not harmful to humans, drink a cola to take foul taste away. Apply Band-Aid to spouse's forearm and remove blood from carpet with cold water and soap.

10. Retrieve cat from neighbor's shed. Get another pill. Place cat in cupboard and close door onto neck to leave head showing. Force mouth open with dessert spoon. Flick pill down throat with rubber band.

11. Fetch screwdriver from garage and put cupboard door back on hinges. Apply cold compress to cheek and check records for date of last tetanus shot. Apply whiskey compress to cheek to disinfect. Throw Tee-shirt away and fetch new one from bedroom.

12. Ring fire department to retrieve the cat from tree across the road. Apologize to neighbor who crashed into fence while swerving to avoid cat. Take last pill from foil-wrap.

13. Tie the evil feline's front paws to rear paws with garden twine and bind tightly to leg of dining room table, find heavy duty pruning gloves from shed. Push pill into mouth followed by large piece of fillet steak. Be rough about it. Hold head vertically and pour pints of water down throat to wash pill down.

14. Get spouse to drive you to the emergency room, sit quietly while doctor stitches fingers and forearm and removes pill remnants from right eye. Call furniture shop on way home to order new table.

15. Arrange for SPCA to collect mutant cat from Hades and call local pet shop to see if they have any hamsters.

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* HOW TO GIVE A DOG A PILL *

1. Wrap it in bacon.

[HairOfTheDog]

Yeah... Heh. Eeeek. Been contacting the person who coordinates the ministers' schedules... but she works there very odd hours and days... and then she calls back when we aren't expecting her, and we are outside and miss it. Happened 3-4 times now. She knows the date.... Hopefully she's got us in the book.

As an emergency backup plan.... one of ecurbh's family friends who will be there is also ordained. But we wanted him to just be able to come as a guest.

[JenB]

Hair.... I don't think I'm going to be able to come to your wedding. If you want to send me an invite anyway I'll send you a different address... the school one gets messed up sometimes these days.

[JenB]

No... that's a horrible misquote! It's from the movie, not the book, and it's "The time of the ORC has come."

[HairOfTheDog]

Well.... rats.... It is up to you, if you would like one, send me your address!

[HairOfTheDog]

If it is a Saruman quote.... it is surprising that anyone would get the meaning he did from it in that context.

[JenB]

No, it was the Orc with the shoulder-lump. When they were taking Osgiliath, or just before they marched on Minas Tirith. I forget exactly.

[HairOfTheDog]

Great pictures smaagee! I gotta love that Juice Guy and his fancy-schmancy drinks! Glad you have such a place... I bet those taste good in hot dust.

So what are your day and night temps now..... What season is it? - and does it matter? ;~D

[HairOfTheDog]

OK - same point.... weirder that a guy from Townhall.com would take it that way. I found the article she was talking about:

Ross Mackenzie: On terror, hate, humor, LOTR, conflict, etc.

[JenB]

Bizarre. Wonder what movie he was watching, anyway.

[HairOfTheDog]

One where the bad guys say really inspiring things about the coming of God? ;~D

[RosieCotton]

She has pink stuff all over her neck does she?

Some, yep. And I didn't bother to chase her down and wipe it off afterwards, which was probably a bad move.

But she got more than 75%...which I suppose is pretty good considering!

[JenB]

You at work, Rosie?

I did my lifting... sigh... not sure it's worth getting up an hour earlier. Not sure what I'm going to do about the running since I'm going to miss it tomorrow.

[HairOfTheDog]

She'll get the rest in her when she washes up.

[RosieCotton]

We can stay on week five again, maybe? I know...I shouldn't be so skeered of moving on, but it has been pretty hard! Not sure I'm up for twenty minutes at a time yet.

[RosieCotton]

Heh...yeah, I've seen that. Luckily this is liquid, which is marginally easier to get 'em to take.

Fiona actually would do better with pills, though. She usually tries to spit Benedryl out when I gotta give her that, and it isn't something I can hide in food all that easily. A pill I could stick in meat or peanut butter and she'd have that down SO fast!

[RosieCotton]

Nice pictures! That looks like quite a drink!

[JenB]

Might be a good plan! Eventually we'll get there. Eventually.

[RosieCotton]

Oh...and yeah...I'm at work. Shouldn't be at my desk, but I need a few minutes with a caffeine source before I really jump into things....

[JenB]

Run! Hide now before they come for you!