How to turn a woman off & on

NY Daily ^ | 1/13/04 | Lenore Skenazy

[Tumbleweed_Connection]

Men, you are going to thank me for this column. Women, too. Because in the course of researching the latest perfume trends - as any serious journalist must - I learned from a bona fide scientific institute the three smells that most turn women off. Ready? Cherries. Barbecued meat. And cologne.

"All acted to inhibit female sexual arousal," reports Dr. Alan Hirsch, director of the Smell and Taste Treatment and Research Foundation in Chicago.

Thank you, thank you, thank you, Dr. Hirsch! For, while the number of men rubbing themselves with cherries and/or spare ribs is not large (although if you ride the subways, you know they're out there), the number of misguided men still slapping themselves with cologne is legion. Now at last they know: It is time to stanch the stench.

Why do these three particular scents make women turn up their noses, lovewise? Hirsch's theories are not what you'd call ultra-deep, but then again, he seems to be the only guy studying this, so - we'll stick with him.

Perhaps, he posits, the smell of cherries reminds women of the medicine they took as children. Yuck. Perhaps charred meat reminds them of cooking. Yuck. And perhaps, he says, "Cologne reminds them of going out with men." Yuc ... wha?

You mean a smell that reminds a woman that she's going out with one of them again - you know, a man - is enough to doom a date? Well, says Hirsch, who has also spent real-life, grownup, paid-for time discovering that the scent of certain candies arouses women: "My advice for men is to get rid of the cologne and buy a box of Good & Plenty."

Now, it takes a man who innately intuits the sex-junk food connection to even think of exploring the marital happiness-garlic bread connection. And that's exactly what Hirsch did. In a study recently conducted by his institute (and it's not that I didn't interview real perfume companies about trends. I did! But you'd get sidetracked too, if you learned that - ), Hirsch's researchers visited 50 Chicagoland families, bringing them a free pasta dinner, twice. One time the dinner included garlic bread, one time it didn't. The researchers then sat there, stomachs rumbling, observing the family's interactions.

Conclusion? The garlic bread factor cannot be overstated. In its presence, researchers recorded 8% more positive family interactions and 22% fewer negative ones.

Now whether this was because the scent of the bread made everyone happy, or that eating it satisfied some basic instinct, like, say, hunger, or simply that the smell of garlic finally overwhelmed the smell of dad's cologne, causing mom to crawl across the table, Sophia Loren-like, growling with lust ... well.

I'm sure the invaluable Smell and Taste Foundation will let us know soon.

[michigander]

There's a switch for that?

Moving to "chat" oblivion in 3... 2... 1...

[FreedomCalls]

The smell of a fresh stack of newly minted $100 bills really attracts them.

[IncPen]

Perhaps, he posits, the smell of cherries reminds women of the medicine they took as children.

Must... not... post.. must... not... get... banned...

[Gumption]

And cologne.

What if it smells like garlic (or money)?

[cavtrooper21]

You realize where this whole thread is going, don't you????


Hint: the only PG rated thread on Freepers....

[nuconvert]

"while the number of men rubbing themselves with cherries and/or spare ribs is not large (although if you ride the subways, you know they're out there),"

LOL!!!

Very funny piece.
I'd rather smell cologne than garlic breath.

[Argh]

How to turn a woman off and on

I've got the turning women off part down pat, but thanks for the advice anyway.

[bedolido]

the fastest way to turn a woman off is to marry her... it takes a few weeks... but it'll happen.

[SouthernFreebird]

I prefer the smell of a sweaty man on a hot summer night...LOL

[bedolido]

ping

[Krodg]

"My advice for men is to get rid of the cologne and buy a box of Good & Plenty."

Mmmm...this woman has been known to sniff out men wearing Aramis.

[Howie66]

Sweating is something that I do well since I am a contractor. :)

[gore_sux_2000]

And this woman has been known to sniff out men wearing Drakar:) Aramis isn't bad either!

[bedolido]

I've often thought if I wore the same underwear for a week or too I'd not have problems with my wife trying to have sex with me... it used to work... but she caught on and began putting tabasco sause in my shorts. No matter what I try she still wants sex. after 33 years you'd think just the very thought of two old people doing it would turn her off... weird how woman think

[martin_fierro]

Marty's cologne of choice.

I realize eveyone's been dying to know.

[mlmr]

The smell of a fresh stack of newly minted $100 bills really attracts them.



ahem...not just the smell....

[mlmr]

Probably the only masculine and sexy men's scent on the market. I chose it for someone once and have always liked it. Lesbians wear it a lot too.

[LibKill]

It's that BIG BULDGE in the wallet pocket that really attracts.

I'm bad, Freeperettes. Please spank me! :)