WANTED: Good Come-backs and Put-downs

Me | 12/28/03 | ILBBACH

[ILBBACH]

I have a cousin who had throat cancer and had half his tongue removed as well as other tissue in this throat. Needless to say, he doesn't speak well at all and is usually very frustrated.

However, the doctors were unable to remove his sense of humor. He is the same smart-@ss he was before, and still has a sardonic and acerbic wit.

For a (belated) Christmas present, I would like to give him a set of business cards that have come-backs and put-downs on them.

I know he would love it, and I'll tell you - the nastier, the better!

I thought this would be the best place to find such information, considering that you are the most witty and creative people I know!

If you think your contribution is really "bad," Freepmail me (and don't worry about shocking me, my dad was in the Marines for almost 40 years)!

[Chad Fairbanks]

I do what I can ;0)

[Pan_Yans Wife]

On a postcard:

The weather is here. Wish you were beautiful.

[Rightly Biased]

for later

[ILBBACH]

What did you waste the money your mother gave you for (insert whatever it is that he/she has just screwed up here, 'singing lessons' for example, or 'driving lessons;' whatever).

My cousin said that to me just last night! I was singing Christmas carols and he asked me what I did with the money my mom gave me for the singing lessons!

[boris]

A fellow I disliked attended the same New Year's party as me. He said, "My troubles really began when I figured out the difference between little girls and little boys."

Not wasting a second, I repied: "Don't worry--next year will be better."

==================

A fellow walking down the corridor where I work said loudly, "You know, Boris, you need to lose some weight."

"I know, Bob. But you know what? You need to bathe more often BECAUSE YOU STINK." (He really did).

==================

I went to brief an a$$hole "Director" who was pompous and disliked by all. Before I could begin he plucked at my polo shirt and said, "Where's your shirt and tie?"

"I didn't want you to think it was a special occasion," I said.

--Boris

[Hrhfish]

Right here goes

1.You could bore for your country

2.If Pamela Anderson had triplets you would be the one in the middle on the bottle.

3.Are you naturally a twat or do you practice?

4.Everytime you have a drink you kill 100 000 brain cells. I’ve worked out you only have one left.

5. You only have 3 braincells left. One is on holiday, one is dead and the other one is keeping it company.

6. If stupidity was an Olympic sport you’d win gold every time.

7. Is your age higher than your IQ.

8. You’d have to give them a piece of somebody else’s mind.

9. Have you taken a vow of stupidity?

10. Your mom and Dad must have done it for a bet.

11. Are you an only child? I bet your Dad had the snip after.

[Cheetahcat]

Ping for later

[Cheetahcat]

Ping for later

[Nam Vet]

Now I'm really not saying you're an idiot, but inuendo IS NOT an Italian suppository.

Nam Vet