Politically Correct NCAA Bowl Picks (Vanity)

I've been asked to supply a sports report for this year's family holiday newsletter. I decided to "borrow" Rush's method of picking winners of football games based on the "Politically Correct Liberal Methodology". I applied it to selected NCAA bowl games that are of interest to various family members.

It turned out to be a fun little exercise so I thought maybe some creative freeper football fans might want to add some picks of their own. Here are mine:

Fort Worth Bowl – TCU vs. Boise State
The 18th ranked Boise State Broncos take on the TCU Horned Frogs in the first-ever Fort Worth Bowl. Normally, the Horned Frogs would be the politically correct pick here since they dwell in environmentally sensitive wetlands. But, notice that the “C” in TCU stands for “Christian”. It would be highly inappropriate to introduce religion into the “Holiday” season – pick Boise State by 17 points.

Holiday Bowl – Texas vs. Washington State
The Washington State Cougars take on the Texas Longhorns in what will undoubtedly be a high-scoring shootout at the Holiday Bowl. The Spanish brought the first Longhorn cattle to America in 1493. Today’s descendents of these cattle make Texas a national leader in the beef production industry. In light of PETA’s recent “Jesus was a vegetarian” campaign, the only choice here is the maligned and misunderstood wild Mountain Lion – take the Cougars by 3 points.

Sun Bowl – Oregon vs. Minnesota
The Oregon Ducks meet the Minnesota Golden Gophers in a rematch of the 1999 Sun Bowl. This may be one of the toughest predictions of the season. Oregon is the home of GreenPeace, Keiko the whale, the very first tree-sitter and is considered by many to be the epicenter of environmental awareness. Minnesota was the only state in the union won by Walter Mondale in his landslide loss to Ronald Reagan in the 1984 presidential election. Ducks are migratory birds but gophers make permanent homes underground, which provides excellent rationale for prohibiting mining, drilling and construction – Minnesota by 10 points.

Outback Bowl – Iowa vs. Florida
The Outback Bowl should be one of the best bowl games this year. The Iowa Hawkeyes and Florida Gators are very evenly matched and this game shapes up to be a battle of great defenses. Alligators live in the environmentally fragile Florida Everglades, are an endangered species and seem like an obvious choice. But when you consider the fact that the state’s Governor is a “Bush”, Palm Beach is the home of Rush Limbaugh and that if it weren’t for Florida, we would have a “lockbox” and Al Gore would be leader of the free world – go with Iowa by 4 points.

Sugar Bowl – Oklahoma vs. LSU
The national championship is on the line when the Oklahoma Sooners collide with the LSU Tigers in the Sugar Bowl. The Sooners have been dominant all season but the Tigers will be fired-up playing for a home-town crowd in the New Orleans Superdome. The term “Sooner” is used to describe natives of Oklahoma who were among the earliest settlers of the wild west. They killed buffalo, stole from Native Americans and raped the land – LSU takes the title by 3 points.

My deadline for the newsletter is fast approaching, I'm hoping for a few more good picks... any ideas?

Michigan-USC. Easy pick. Trojans are dead white guys. Michigan by 3, end BCS controversy another year.

Trojans are dead white guys.

WRONG!! Trojans are condoms -- the ultimate politically correct holiday goodie. USC will win.

3 posted on 12/17/2003 10:35:58 AM PST by VRWCmember (We apologise for the fault in the taglines. Those responsible have been sacked.)

Normally, the Horned Frogs would be the politically correct pick here since they dwell in environmentally sensitive wetlands.

WRONG!! Horned Frogs are really lizards that dwell in desert areas. On top of that, they are an endangered species, making them a very politically correct choice. When you consider the fact that the schools unofficial motto is "Don't let that middle name fool you," it is quite clear that TCU is the clear choice here.

4 posted on 12/17/2003 10:38:29 AM PST by VRWCmember (We apologise for the fault in the taglines. Those responsible have been sacked.)

WRONG!! Horned Frogs are really lizards that dwell in desert areas

Thanks for clearing that up... I had a feeling I was wrong about that. Your logic is sound, but with so many family members in Idaho, I had to come up with some way to swing the pick to Boise State (which was painful since they are the arch-rival of my Idaho Vandals).

No problem. Also, don't miss the obvious choice of Trojans in the Rose Bowl. You can't go wrong with condoms.

6 posted on 12/17/2003 11:05:29 AM PST by VRWCmember (We apologise for the fault in the taglines. Those responsible have been sacked.)

Also, don't miss the obvious choice of Trojans in the Rose Bowl. You can't go wrong with condoms

I really like that one, but I'm gonna have to word it very carefully since young-uns will be reading it... "Daddy, what's a condom?"

8 posted on 12/17/2003 11:35:45 AM PST by VRWCmember (We apologise for the fault in the taglines. Those responsible have been sacked.)

Am I too late?

Peach Bowl - Clemson v Tennessee
The Clemson Tigers meet the Tennessee Volunteers in Atlanta. Tigers are good because they are wild animals, but there are no tigers not in captivity in the US. Volunteers would be a great PC choice, except these volunteers don't do it for Greenpeace or PETA. They do it to save America, so they aren't a good choice either. A toss up.

9 posted on 12/18/2003 3:16:23 PM PST by Hillarys Gate Cult (Proud member of the right wing extremist Neanderthals.)

11 posted on 12/09/2004 12:01:09 PM PST by WinOne4TheGipper (Yes DUmmies, we stole the election, but you'll never figure out how. Love, the VRWC.)

Wow.... where did you find this? I had almost forgotten about it. BTW - I was %100 correct on these picks.

Y'all feel free to take a crack at this year's picks. I'm a little swamped with work right now, but will try to make a couple picks before the bowls start.

I was looking up the keyword "Bowl Games" and all it had was this and a few other threads. Here goes with the one I care about the most...

Rose Bowl, Texas Longhorns vs. Michigan Wolverines

This one is easy. Longhorns are cattle and have been mistreated for centuries by man. They are also noble beasts of burden. On the other hand, if you tried petting a Wolverine while hugging a tree, you'd probably get your hand torn off. Longhorns by 10

13 posted on 12/09/2004 1:34:45 PM PST by WinOne4TheGipper (Yes DUmmies, we stole the election, but you'll never figure out how. Love, the VRWC.)

Yep, definitely the Longhorns. Wolverines aren't politically correct at all, they're mean and nasty to everybody - they have no feeeeeeelings... they belong in a red state instead of a blue one.

Disclaimer: Opinions posted on Free Republic are those of the individual posters and do not necessarily represent the opinion of Free Republic or its management. All materials posted herein are protected by copyright law and the exemption for fair use of copyrighted works.