ZOT: How to Tell a Democrat from a Republican During the Holiday Season

stanford.edu ^ | John Carlson

[ding a ling hear them ring]

Republican say "Merry Christmas!"
Democrats say "Happy Holidays!"

Republicans help the poor during the holidays by sending $50 to the Salvation Army.
Democrats help the poor by giving $50, one buck at a time, to panhandlers on the street.

Democrats get back at Republicans on their Christmas list by giving them fruitcakes.
Republicans re-wrap them and send them to in-laws.

Democrats let their kids open all the gifts on Christmas Eve.
Republicans make their kids wait until Christmas morning

When toasting the Holidays, Republicans ask for sherry or mulled wine.
Democrats ask for egg nog.

When not in stores, Republicans use a catalog.
Democrats watch for "incredible tv offers" on late night television.

Democrats do a lot of their shopping at Cost-Co and WalMart.
So do Republicans, but they don't admit it.

Democrats give their children gifts that make a political statement.
Republicans give their children gifts that will keep them out of their hair.

Republican parents have no problem buying their kids toy guns.
Democrats refuse to do so. That is why their kids pretend to shoot each other with dolls.

Republicans spend hundreds of dollars and hour of work decorating the yard with outdoor lights and Christmas displays.
Democrats save their time and money and drive around at night to enjoy the scenery.

Democrats favorite Christmas movie is "Miracle on 34th Street."
Republicans favorite Christmas movie is "It's a Wonderful Life."
Right-Wing Republicans favorite Christmas movie is "Diehard".

Republicans always take the price tag off any expensive gifts they buy before wrapping.
Democrats also remove price tags off pricey gifts ... and reposition them them to make sure they are seen.

Republicans wear wide red ties and green sport jackets during the festive season.
Democrats do too, all year round.

Most Republicans try, at least once, enclosing indulgent, wretchedly maudlin form letters about their families in their Christmas Cards.
Public ridicule from Democrats usually discourages them from doing it again.

Democrats favorite Christmas song is "Deck the Halls".
Young Democrats favorite Christmas song is "Grandma Got Run Over by a Reindeer."
Republicans favorite Christmas song is " White Christmas."
Young Republicans favorite Christmas song is "White Christmas".

Cheapskate Republicans buy an artificial Christmas tree.
Tightfisted Democrats buy a real tree, but they wait until the week before Christmas when the lots lower their prices.

Democratic men like to watch football while their wives, girlfriends or mothers fix holiday meals.
On this, Republicans are in full agreement.

Republicans see nothing wrong with letting their children play "Cowboys and Indians".
Democrats don't either, as long as the Indians get to win.

Republicans first began thinking like Republicans when they stopped believing in Santa Claus...
Democrats became Democrats because they never stopped believing in Santa Claus...

[ding a ling hear them ring]

Disappointingly non-partisan.

[camle]

HEY! My fave carol is "grandmother got run over by a reindeer"!!!

and I hear some nut made a movie out of it. now THAT's scary.

[Kenton]

Democrats get back at Republicans on their Christmas list by giving them fruitcakes.

Yes. And this year, they've given us Dennis Kucinich.

[Cyber Liberty]

Welcome to FR. I thought it was pretty funny from both sides....

[boxerblues]

Democrats favorite Christmas movie is "Miracle on 34th Street." Republicans favorite Christmas movie is "It's a Wonderful Life." Right-Wing Republicans favorite Christmas movie is "Diehard".

I like a "Christmas Story" kid gets gun, shoots his eye out and lives to tell about it

[Galtoid]

And, Democrats think of the U.S. Government as their ultimate Santa Claus, and the federal budget symbolizes Santa's Gift List for all good boys and girls (Democrats).

[BartMan1]

Bump for later recovery

[commish]

I like it LOL!

[E Rocc]

Democrats favorite Christmas song is "Deck the Halls".
Young Democrats favorite Christmas song is "Grandma Got Run Over by a Reindeer."
Republicans favorite Christmas song is " White Christmas."
Young Republicans favorite Christmas song is "White Christmas".

Libertarians' favorite Christmas song is "Mr. Hankey The Christmas Poo". >:)

-Eric

[Corin Stormhands]

Disappointingly non-partisan.

Not to mention non-funny.

(welcome)

[The_Victor]

LOL!

Very funny and mostly true.

[boxerblues]

Not to mention non-funny.

Bah humbug

[hellinahandcart]

Are you okay, hon? Something seems to have taken all the stuffing out of you this year. You are posting nice things about Republicans.

[E Rocc]

Democrats don't either, as long as the Indians get to win.

And what is wrong with that?

I have only one firm belief about the American political system, and that is this: God is a Republican and Santa Claus is a Democrat.

God is an elderly or, at any rate, middle aged male, a stern fellow, patriarchal rather than paternal and a great believer in rules and regulations. He holds men accountable for their actions. He has little apparent concern for the material well being of the disadvantaged. He is politically connected, socially powerful and holds the mortgage on literally everything in the world. God is difficult. God is unsentimental. It is very hard to get into God's heavenly country club.

Santa Claus is another matter. He's cute. He's nonthreatening. He's always cheerful. And he loves animals. He may know who's been naughty and who's been nice, but he never does anything about it. He gives everyone everything they want without the thought of quid pro quo. He works hard for charities, and he's famously generous to the poor. Santa Claus is preferable to God in every way but one: There is no such thing as Santa Claus.

-P. J. O'Rourke

-Eric

[tioga]

-have you seen the "leg" lamp??? -what a hoot!

[tioga]

-definately to be found in all republican homes....

[boxerblues]

If anybody knows where they sell the "leg" lamp, please keep it to yourself, my hubby would die for one of these

[Cicero]

It's not really very funny, and one reason for that is that it's not really very accurate.

Republicans help the poor during the holidays by sending $50 to the Salvation Army.
Democrats help the poor by giving $50, one buck at a time, to panhandlers on the street.

Well, actually, Democrats help the poor by raising other people's taxes and making them pay for it. But then they all take government jobs and unfortunately there's no money left over for the poor because it all goes for Democrat salaries.

Democrats are notoriously poor at giving money of their own for decent causes. If they pony up, it's to Planned Parenthood to kill babies with.

[Fudd]

Democrats are notoriously poor at giving money of their own for decent causes. If they pony up, it's to Planned Parenthood to kill babies with.

They can also find a few of their rich buddies to help get out the democrat's core message - "IHateBush"

[stevio]

I sent this out to my friends but edited in your change for the right-wing Republican movie.