Hi Joe. Sorry I am late. Yesterday I just kept eating and eating and eating.
I am now bloated, sluggish, but satisfied.
How about a cup of Irish Coffee and a Montecristo No. 1.
Sorry to hear about the Peoples Republic of Maine!
Here are a few jokes for all. I'm sure you could use a little humor.
First, a funny Thanksgiving Day song.http://www.flowgo.com/flowgo2_view.cfm?page_id=20962
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President Hillary
Hillary Clinton gets elected US President, and is spending her first night in the White House.
The ghost of George Washington appears to her, and Hillary says, "How can I best serve my country?"
Washington says, "Never tell a lie.”
"Ouch!" says Hillary, "I don't know about that."
The next night the ghost of Thomas Jefferson appears.
Hillary says, "How can I best serve my country?”
Jefferson says, "Listen to the people!"
"Ho! I really don't want to do that." says Hillary.
On the third night, the ghost of Abraham Lincoln appears.
Hillary says, "How can I best serve my country?"
Lincoln says, "Go to the theater!"
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Ode To A Turkey....
"The turkey shot out of the oven
And rocketed into the air,
It knocked every plate off the table
And partly demolished a chair.
It ricocheted into a corner
And burst with a deafening boom,
Then splattered all over the kitchen,
Completely obscuring the room.
It stuck to the walls and the windows,
It totally coated the floor,
There was turkey attached to the ceiling,
Where there'd never been turkey before.
It blanketed every appliance,
It smeared every saucer and bowl,
There wasn't a way I could stop it,
That turkey was out of control.
I scraped and I scrubbed with displeasure,
And thought with chagrin as I mopped,
That I'd never again stuff a turkey
With popcorn that hadn't been popped."
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Miscellaneous jokes
A kindergarten pupil told his teacher he'd found a cat.
She asked him if it was dead or alive.
"Dead." She was informed.
"How do you know?" she asked her pupil.
"Because I pissed in its ear and it didn't move," answered the child innocently.
"You did WHAT?!?" the teacher exclaimed in surprise.
"You know," explained the boy, "I leaned over and went 'Pssst!' and it didn't move"
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A small boy is sent to bed by his father.
Five minutes later....
"Da-ad...."
"What?
"I'm thirsty. Can you bring drink of water?"
"No. You had your chance. Lights out."
Five minutes later:
"Da-aaaad....."
"WHAT?"
"I'm THIRSTY. Can I have a drink of water??"
"I told you NO!" If you ask again, I'll have to spank you!!"
Five minutes later......
"Daaaa-aaaad....."
"WHAT!"
"When you come in to spank me, can you bring a drink of water?"
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An exasperated mother, whose son was always getting into mischief, finally asked him, "How do you expect to get into Heaven?
The boy thought it over and said, "Well, I'll run in and out and in and out and keep slamming the door until St. Peter says, 'For Heaven's sake, Dylan, come in or stay out!'"
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One summer evening during a violent thunderstorm a mother was tucking her son into bed.
She was about to turn off the light when he asked with a tremor in his voice, "Mommy, will you sleep with me tonight?"
The mother smiled and gave him a reassuring hug. "I can't dear," she said.
"I have to sleep in Daddy's room."
A long silence was broken at last by his shaky little voice: "The big sissy."
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When I was six months pregnant with my third child, my three year old came into the room when I was just getting ready to get into the shower.
She said, "Mommy, you are getting fat!"
I replied, "Yes, honey, remember Mommy has a baby growing in her tummy"
"I know," she replied, but what's growing in your butt?"
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A little boy was doing his math homework. He said to himself, "Two plus five, that son of a bitch is seven"
"Three plus six, that son of a bitch is nine...."
His mother heard what he was saying and gasped, "What are you doing?"
The little boy answered, "I'm doing my math homework, Mom."
"And this is how your teacher taught you to do it?" the mother asked.
"Yes," he answered.
Infuriated, the mother asked the teacher the next day, "What are you teaching my son in math?"
The teacher replied, "Right now, we are learning addition."
The mother asked, "And are you teaching them to say two plus two, that son of a bitch is four?"
After the teacher stopped laughing, she answered, "What I taught them was, two plus two, THE SUM OF WHICH, is four."
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One day the first grade teacher was reading the story of Chicken Little to her class. She came to the part of the story where Chicken Little tried to warn the farmer.
She read, ".... and so Chicken Little went up to the farmer and said, "The sky is falling, the sky is falling!"
The teacher paused then asked the class, "And what do you think the farmer said?"
One little girl raised her hand and said, "I think he said: 'Holy Shit!A talking chicken!'"
The teacher was unable to teach for the next 10 minutes.
Have a Thanksgiving Holiday.
