Posted on 10/14/2003 10:41:16 AM PDT by Chancellor Palpatine
As monsters are attacking Japan and destroying cars, bridges, dams and buildings, it is really important to have at least one uniformed soldier watching an oscilloscope in the command post.
Large, loft-style apartments in New York City are well within the price range of most people--whether they are employed or not. At least one of a pair of identical twins is born evil.
Asteroids or comets which have atomic bombs or lasers fired at them magically lose most or all or their mass, thereby ceasing to threaten the Earth or any artificial satellites.
Should you decide to defuse a bomb, don't worry which wire to cut. You will always choose the right one.
When sending probes through ancient star portals standing on Earth, the USAF has the ability to track the destination all the way to the far reaches of the universe, billions of light years distant.
Most laptop computers are powerful enough to override the communications system of any invading alien society, and viruses can be designed to ignore system compatability issues.
After Texas is smashed by an asteroid, the director of FEMA is the best person and has the most time to quietly console and comfort the winsome scientist who discovered the asteroid and was instrumental in minimizing the loss, all because her father and her son live in the afflicted area.
It does not matter if you are heavily outnumbered in a fight involving martial arts--your enemies will wait patiently to attack you one by one by dancing around in a threatening manner until you have knocked out their predecessors.
Once a cop, always a cop - you can always be called out of retirement to solve that one last crime.
When you turn out the light to go to bed, everything in your bedroom will still be clearly visible, just slightly bluish.
Every elite law enforcement team will have one indispensible drop dead gorgeous girl in her early 20s.
Radiation cause interesting mutations--not to your future children, but to you, right then and there.
If you are blonde and pretty, it is possible to become a world expert on nuclear fission at the age of 22.
Honest and hard working policemen are traditionally gunned down three days before their retirement.
Rather than wasting bullets, megalomaniacs prefer to kill their archenemies using complicated machinery involving fuses, pulley systems, deadly gasses, lasers, and man-eating sharks, which will allow their captives at least 20 minutes to escape.
During all police investigations. it will be necessary to visit a strip club at least once.
Most dogs are immortal.
All beds have special L-shaped cover sheets that reach up to the armpit level on a woman but only to waist level on the man lying beside her.
All grocery shopping bags contain at least one loaf of French bread.
It's easy for anyone to land a plane providing there is someone in the control tower to talk you down.
Once applied, lipstick will never rub off--even while scuba diving.
The ventilation system of any building is the perfect hiding place. No one will ever think of looking for you in there and you can travel to any other part of the building you want without difficulty.
You're very likely to survive any battle in any war unless you make the mistake of showing someone a picture of your sweetheart back home.
Should you wish to pass yourself off as a German officer, it will not be necessary to speak the language. A German accent will do.
The Eiffel Tower can be seen from any window in Paris.
A man will show no pain while taking the most ferocious beating but will wince when a woman tries to clean his wounds.
If a large pane of glass is visible, someone will be thrown through it before long.
Kitchens don't have light switches.
If staying in a haunted house, women should investigate any strange noises in their most revealing underwear. Also, when hearing a strange noise, it is important to turn off all electric lights, split up, and go looking for the source while holding a candle. Leave all baseball bats, knives or guns in a room where you can't get them.
Word processors never display a cursor on screen but will always say: Enter Password Now.
Any person waking from a nightmare will bolt upright and pant.
It is not necessary to say hello or goodbye when beginning or ending phone conversations.
Even when driving down a perfectly straight road, it is necessary to turn the steering wheel vigorously from left to right every few moments.
All bombs are fitted with electronic timing devices with large red readouts so you know exactly when they're going to go off.
A detective can only solve a case once he has been suspended from duty.
If you decide to start dancing in the street, everyone you bump into will know all the steps.
Police departments give their officers personality tests to make sure they are deliberately assigned a partner who is their total opposite.
When they are alone, all foreigners prefer to speak English to each other.
An electric fence, powerful enough to kill a dinosaur will cause no lasting damage to an eight-year-old child.
Television news bulletins usually contain a story that affects you personally at that precise moment.
There is NO situation you can possibly get into that your car or watches' various gimmicks and gadgets can't get you out of.
You need never have to worry about cold-bloodedly killing the Bad Guy. Just mutter,"you're not worth it", and turn your back. Then you can shoot him as he pulls out one last weapon.
Heh...my example of that is The Waltons.
In the middle of the depression, this "poor" Virginia family had their own business, their own truck, their own horse and lived in a five-bedroom house with indoor plumbing.
Don't get me started on their "Virginia" mountains...
As we had way to many blank rounds in our bunker my NCOIC said it was OK to fire the 60's as a demonstration. I took about 12 of the 20MM cans of blanks and rigged two M60's with "our" blank adapters.
We would take off the flash supressor and pound a empty piece of brass with a reamed out primer flash hole into the muzzle of our spare barrels we had designated as "blank training barrels only" and then replaced the flash supressor. Worked better than the clamp on blank adapters and looked the part also.
I let all those wannabe heros and kids (age 8-80) try and shoot the M60 like Rambo did in the movie...............It was a hoot !
Stay Safe !
- You can operate a still, drink constantly, belittle, disobey, and conduct practical jokes bordering on physical assault against superior officers up to the General level and totally skate if you are a doctor.
- You can, at will, refuse to wear a proper uniform right up to wearing women's clothing, and no one will care.
- You can make all kinds of salacious comments and advances toward female nurses, including those of superior rank, and they'll do nothing.
Watch closely...you'll see weapons "fire" even when the slides are locked back. They save the blanks for close-ups.
Not surprising, really. It stops the habit of blank-only weapons have of breaking down, causing expensive retakes. Considering the notoriously bad safety habits of actors, it's probably safer, too. Some have been killed playing grabass with blank guns. One idiot a few years back actually died when, jokingly, he put a blank loaded .44 Magnum to his head and fired.
Stay Safe !
Brandon Lee was killed accidently when he, during filming, got in front of a blank machine-gun burst at close range. He was, I believe, hit multiple times and died at the scene.
The story of Stembridge Gun Rentals goes back almost a hundred years in pictures. Their collection of Blank-only guns is a sight to behold. Someday, I hope someone there writes a book...it'd be a hoot to read all the stories they must have. Also, they still have weapons used in the '20s and '30s by the classic stars of the time. They all still work, too.
For example, under 'Bars/Drinking', they have:
"According to newspaper and magazine accounts, the scene in question was staged early in the morning of March 31, 1993, in Wilmington, North Carolina. The scene was the death of Lee's character, Eric Draven, at the hands of street thugs, and was a pivotal plot element to the movie. Lee was to walk in through a door carrying a bag of groceries. Actor Michael Massee, who played Funboy, fired a revolver loaded with blanks at Lee. To complete the illusion, a small explosive charge was to go off in the grocery bag. Unfortunately, a fragment of a dummy bullet, used earlier in close-up shots, was lodged in the barrel, and the blank charge propelled the fragment into Lee's side, fatally wounding him."
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