ALL THE STUFF I LEARNED FROM TV/MOVIES

[Chancellor Palpatine]

As monsters are attacking Japan and destroying cars, bridges, dams and buildings, it is really important to have at least one uniformed soldier watching an oscilloscope in the command post.

Large, loft-style apartments in New York City are well within the price range of most people--whether they are employed or not. At least one of a pair of identical twins is born evil.

Asteroids or comets which have atomic bombs or lasers fired at them magically lose most or all or their mass, thereby ceasing to threaten the Earth or any artificial satellites.

Should you decide to defuse a bomb, don't worry which wire to cut. You will always choose the right one.

When sending probes through ancient star portals standing on Earth, the USAF has the ability to track the destination all the way to the far reaches of the universe, billions of light years distant.

Most laptop computers are powerful enough to override the communications system of any invading alien society, and viruses can be designed to ignore system compatability issues.

After Texas is smashed by an asteroid, the director of FEMA is the best person and has the most time to quietly console and comfort the winsome scientist who discovered the asteroid and was instrumental in minimizing the loss, all because her father and her son live in the afflicted area.

It does not matter if you are heavily outnumbered in a fight involving martial arts--your enemies will wait patiently to attack you one by one by dancing around in a threatening manner until you have knocked out their predecessors.

Once a cop, always a cop - you can always be called out of retirement to solve that one last crime.

When you turn out the light to go to bed, everything in your bedroom will still be clearly visible, just slightly bluish.

Every elite law enforcement team will have one indispensible drop dead gorgeous girl in her early 20s.

Radiation cause interesting mutations--not to your future children, but to you, right then and there.

If you are blonde and pretty, it is possible to become a world expert on nuclear fission at the age of 22.

Honest and hard working policemen are traditionally gunned down three days before their retirement.

Rather than wasting bullets, megalomaniacs prefer to kill their archenemies using complicated machinery involving fuses, pulley systems, deadly gasses, lasers, and man-eating sharks, which will allow their captives at least 20 minutes to escape.

During all police investigations. it will be necessary to visit a strip club at least once.

Most dogs are immortal.

All beds have special L-shaped cover sheets that reach up to the armpit level on a woman but only to waist level on the man lying beside her.

All grocery shopping bags contain at least one loaf of French bread.

It's easy for anyone to land a plane providing there is someone in the control tower to talk you down.

Once applied, lipstick will never rub off--even while scuba diving.

The ventilation system of any building is the perfect hiding place. No one will ever think of looking for you in there and you can travel to any other part of the building you want without difficulty.

You're very likely to survive any battle in any war unless you make the mistake of showing someone a picture of your sweetheart back home.

Should you wish to pass yourself off as a German officer, it will not be necessary to speak the language. A German accent will do.

The Eiffel Tower can be seen from any window in Paris.

A man will show no pain while taking the most ferocious beating but will wince when a woman tries to clean his wounds.

If a large pane of glass is visible, someone will be thrown through it before long.

Kitchens don't have light switches.

If staying in a haunted house, women should investigate any strange noises in their most revealing underwear. Also, when hearing a strange noise, it is important to turn off all electric lights, split up, and go looking for the source while holding a candle. Leave all baseball bats, knives or guns in a room where you can't get them.

Word processors never display a cursor on screen but will always say: Enter Password Now.

Any person waking from a nightmare will bolt upright and pant.

It is not necessary to say hello or goodbye when beginning or ending phone conversations.

Even when driving down a perfectly straight road, it is necessary to turn the steering wheel vigorously from left to right every few moments.

All bombs are fitted with electronic timing devices with large red readouts so you know exactly when they're going to go off.

A detective can only solve a case once he has been suspended from duty.

If you decide to start dancing in the street, everyone you bump into will know all the steps.

Police departments give their officers personality tests to make sure they are deliberately assigned a partner who is their total opposite.

When they are alone, all foreigners prefer to speak English to each other.

An electric fence, powerful enough to kill a dinosaur will cause no lasting damage to an eight-year-old child.

Television news bulletins usually contain a story that affects you personally at that precise moment.

[Chancellor Palpatine]

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[NeoCaveman]

The law of gravity does not apply, until you look down.

[Johnny Gage]

A frying pan to the head will only cause superficial damage that can be fixed by shaking your head violently.

[Chancellor Palpatine]

A corollary to this rule is that in a boxing match where both fighters are cut on each eye, bleeding profusely, and so out of it that they can't remember their own names, the ref won't stop the fight.

[Chancellor Palpatine]

Well trained guard dogs can be bribed with huge steaks.

[Poohbah]

Every nuclear warhead in the US arsenal is fitted with a limited-try Permissive Action Link device designed to prevent unauthorized or inadvertent use of the weapon. After three tries with the wrong code (out of 1 trillion combinations), the warhead will disable itself.

The PAL is the product of the nation's best and brightest engineers, and has been rigorously tested.

Unfortunately, the PAL can be disabled with a penknife, some Crazy Glue, and a stun gun.

[Prof Engineer]

All beds have special L-shaped cover sheets that reach up to the armpit level on a woman but only to waist level on the man lying beside her.

ROFLMAO

[wardaddy]

You can take that line about everyday NYers living in multimillion dollar lofts and readily extrapolate that nearly everyone of TV lives in housing that only a few can afford.

I remember as a kid that Beaver and My Three Sons and The Bradys etc all lived in far nicer homes than I did and I was under the impression that we were solid middle class and moving up.

However, there is no doubt that you average working family lives in a nicer home today than in the 60s and are willing to pay a larger percentage of income for it. My dad spent about 15% on mortgage of his income while many of my peers will pay 40% to live in a 3000 sq ft plus home in a nice area. Priorities have changed ...homes are now a lifestyle more than ever.

(rant off)

[Chancellor Palpatine]

Now that you mantion it, lets also talk about the office space occupied by middle rank employees on TV and movies. Corner window offices in nice high rises, expensively decorated, with those old battle axe secretaries (that are the most expensive and really know their stuff).

[NCC-1701]

There will always be on japanese kid wearing a baseball cap who understands all monsters.

That kid will always try to save the Godzillas of the world.

[NCC-1701]

No matter what time it is, you can turn on the tube and the story you have knowledge of will be the first item you see. Eveen before the 24 hour news channels, this was the case.

[NCC-1701]

"...There will always be on japanese kid wearing a baseball cap who understands all monsters..."


There will always be one Japanese kid wearing a baseball cap who understands all monsters

Sorry for the misspellings, all.

[LiteKeeper]

read later

[Chancellor Palpatine]

Alien chicks never have the alien clap (that is a special rule which applies to Kirk only).

All aliens speak perfect English, eliminating all need to study a culture to understand their written and verbal communications before surreptitiously dropping in an observation team.

The noise of explosions travels in space.

[Chancellor Palpatine]

Harriers can sit in bunkers at Ft. Hood, unmaintained for a thousand years. All you have to do is gas them up with fuel that hasn't changed either, give some people who have regressed to a barbarian state a few hours in a simulator, and they'll be expert pilots, able to shoot down alien aircraft of the superior technology that defeated mankind in the first place.

[Moleman]

If the peaceful alien visting earth is killed by our savage people, you can save the earth by finding a big robot and saying these words:
"Gort, Klaatau Berada Nikto"

[Moleman]

Specific to cartoons:
If there is a grand piano, a safe, or an anvil being hoisted up on a rope and pully- BEWARE
The heavy object is sure to fall on somebody

[Moleman]

Specific to sitcoms:
Overweight men with below average jobs can marry and/or date the hottest bimbos in town...

[Nea Wood]

Anytime a character drives to a building, there is always a primo parking space available right in front of the building.

Women go to bed at night with full makeup, including lipstick, and when they wake up in the morning it's still perfectly applied.

Couples start kissing as soon as they wake up in the morning and never have "morning breath."