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Candidate Credits Bike Lane Policy for Late Surge [semi-satire]
Semi-News/Semi-Satire ^ | 7 June 2026 | John Semmens

Posted on 06/08/2026 11:33:25 AM PDT by John Semmens

While election night vote counts on Tuesday night showed City Councilwoman Nithya Raman far behind in the race for Los Angeles Mayor, as we go into the 4th day of counting her numbers are picking up and betting odds markets predict she will overtake Spencer Pratt for second place and qualify for the November runoff.

Raman attributed her surge to her strong advocacy for bike lanes, saying "the people who mocked me will see that I have the winning formula for bringing the City back from the baleful performance of Mayor Bass and the whimsical delusions of low crime and sensible public spending of Pratt. Replacing roadway lanes with bike lanes will reduce pollution, lower street maintenance costs, improve people's health, and better the city in too many ways to mention."

Gov. Gavin Newsom (D) said he found Raman's "faith in bicycles amusing. I doubt that her bikeways advocacy accounts for even one percent of her votes. The decisive factor is given sufficient time our Party's ability to create enough votes to overcome any early leads of Republicans is certain. When I run for president in 2028 I will share this technique with others states so a debacle like the 2024 election of Trump will never happen again. In the meantime, knocking off Pratt and Hilton will help demonstrate why I should be the Democratic nominee for president in 2028."


TOPICS: Government; Humor; Politics
KEYWORDS: ballots; losangeles; newsom; raman; satire; socialism
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1 posted on 06/08/2026 11:33:25 AM PDT by John Semmens
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To: John Semmens

I CAN SEE IT NOW:

BIKE LANES COMBINED WITH ILLEGALS DRIVING WITH PHONY CDL’S ===CARNAGE

80,000 # VERSUS A BIKE.


2 posted on 06/08/2026 11:38:26 AM PDT by ridesthemiles (not giving up on TRUMP---EVER)
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To: John Semmens

NEWSOME: “given sufficient time our Party’s ability to create enough votes” (countering noodlegirl’s assertion re: bike paths)

He let this slip? I know that now they do this in plain sight. They no longer make any effort to deny it.


3 posted on 06/08/2026 11:42:07 AM PDT by Migraine
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To: John Semmens
Thereโ€™s a high demand for bike lanes almost everywhere, for sure.
4 posted on 06/08/2026 11:42:54 AM PDT by smokingfrog ( sleep with one eye open (<o> --- )
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To: John Semmens

I was thinking bike lanes as soon as I saw the latest. ๐Ÿ˜ตโ€๐Ÿ’ซ


5 posted on 06/08/2026 11:49:52 AM PDT by rktman (Destroy America from within? On hold! Enlisted USN 1967 proudly. ๐Ÿšซ๐Ÿ’‰! ๐Ÿ‡ฎ๐Ÿ‡ฑ๐Ÿ™! Winning currently!)
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To: John Semmens

If she were to implement massive increases in bike lanes, the results would not be as she suggests.

Few people would use them, money would be squandered and the loss of regular travel lanes will make road congestion and pollution worse.

Typical liberal belief in magical solutions.


6 posted on 06/08/2026 12:39:11 PM PDT by sjmjax
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To: John Semmens
Isn't this a civil rights violation to corrupt election results? Wouldn't that be Federal crime?

7 posted on 06/08/2026 12:50:08 PM PDT by Governor Dinwiddie ( O give thanks unto the Lord, for He is gracious, and his mercy endures forever. โ€” Psalm 106)
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