Posted on 08/12/2025 9:36:41 AM PDT by DFG
U.S. — Despite claims by President Donald Trump that American cities are being overrun by criminals, Democrat mayors across the country reported that violent crime was actually down 40% since they redefined the words "violent" and "crime".
Trump vowed to clean up America's streets, starting with ordering the National Guard into action to bolster law enforcement efforts in Washington, D.C., eliciting an outcry from mayors who pointed to a sharp drop in crimes now that the definition of crime had been completely changed.
"There's actually almost no crime when you look at it a certain way," said D.C. Mayor Muriel Bowser. "Ever since we determined that the word ‘violent' shouldn't include murders, rapes, assaults, or armed robberies and the word ‘crime' doesn't really have anything to do with committing acts that violate the law, we've seen a noticeable drop in violent crime. Trump is just trying to scare everyone into accepting his dictatorial rule."
Analysts admitted that redefining what words mean has had a significant impact on the data, with almost no homicides being committed since the definition of the word "homicide" was modified to exclude human lives taken by other humans. "Crime has virtually disappeared in parts of the country. That's going by the new definition of ‘crime,' of course."
"In fact," Mayor Bowser continued, "if acts of violent assault are called ‘loving' and breaking the law is referred to as ‘kindness,' then we've actually seen a huge spike in loving kindness in our city. So there."
At publishing time, Democrats were reportedly working on redefining the word "law" to mean now "oppressive" and the word "order" to mean "fascism".
They’re communists....can’t believe a single word they say.
They like to call themselves “democrats”, but in reality, it’s just political appropriation by the communists.
To give them any credence is at one’s own risk. They lie just like their Big Daddy.
I always love the Bee! LOL
Please don’t give certain idiots any more ideas.
I’m old enough to remember when Babylon Bee was a satire site.
Now they are the best source of news.
Sure! And if you end cash bail and refuse to prosecute crime the prisons will empty as well. Win!
There is more truth here than they know. That’s where all this crap about crime stats being down. Crime isn’t down, they are manipulating the statistics. It’s all phony and fraudulent.
It's the party of newspeak. They call themselves "liberals" and "progressive", but in fact they are the opposite.
It's Orwellian, like "Love is hate", "Freedom is slavery", "War is peace", and their followers are stupid enough to believe it.
You've got to be major league stupid to support the evil Democrat Party.
“”You’ve got to be major league stupid to support the evil Democrat Party.””
Or... just major league evil. I posit that it’s the evil that makes them stupid... or makes them appear stupid. Because most of us can’t wrap our brain around how they “think”.
Since the police won’t show up for or report shoplifting under $1,000, the cases of shoplifting have dropped significantly... Crime is down... Way down. Because when you don’t report crime, it kind of goes away.
“”They’re communists....can’t believe a single word they say.
They like to call themselves “democrats”, but in reality, it’s just political appropriation by the communists.
To give them any credence is at one’s own risk. They lie just like their Big Daddy.””
One thing the Bee got glaringly right.... is the way the commies love to “redefine” terms in their favor, to further their agenda. Another constant in the universe. And like you said, it’s all a lie... but that is, after all, how the commie left Democrats, roll. Been observing them since Al Gore invented the internet (tic).
That’s one of the most ignorant things I ever heard of. If they redefine crime one more time, then maybe they can reduce it to where there is no crime at all, and hence no need for police, courts, or judges.
This is not satire or mockery - this is what these mayors and city administrators really are doing.
Violent crime is downgraded to misdemeanor, and - Voila! - no more violent crime.
Excellent satire.
Redefining words and terms is so “1984”.
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