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Almost Everybody Wants Pardons [semi-satire]
Semi-News/Semi-Satire ^ | 15 December 2024 | John Semmens

Posted on 12/12/2024 11:30:07 PM PST by John Semmens

Seeing the great deal Hunter Biden got, former President Bill Clinton went on ABC's "The View" to express his "willingness to ask President Biden to pardon his wife. Hillary didn't do anything wrong, but getting a comprehensive and unconditional and pardon covering her from October 11, 1975 to the present would be very comforting. Considering she's devoted her entire life to public service of one sort or another she deserves it."

Former Rep. Liz Cheney (R-Wy) also would like a pardon. "Trump says all the members of the House Select Committee to Investigate the January 6th Attack on the United States Capitol should be in jail for destroying exculpatory evidence," an alarmed Cheney complained. "First, I didn't do anything I wasn't told to do by Committee Chairman Rep. Bennie Thompson (D-Miss). Second, in 2016 former Secretary of State Hillary Clinton destroyed evidence that had been subpoenaed, but she was absolved by FBI Director James Comey. Third, since President Biden has pardoned over 1,000 people in the last few days surely he could pardon me."

When asked about Cheney's remarks by CNN's Jim Acosta, Thompson asserted "I was just forwarding the orders I was given by House Speaker Nancy Pelosi (D-Calif). The media consensus was that our committee did a wonderful job. In my opinion we don't need pardons, but I'm willing to accept one if President Biden decides I should get one. To be on the safe side I think the President should issue a comprehensive and unconditional pardon for every member of Congress for the entire period each of us has been in office just in case Trump tries to question anything any of us has done."

Sen. Richard Blumenthal (D-Conn) came out against the idea of preemptive pardons, saying "it's going to be perceived as an implicit acknowledgment of guilt. This will turn voters against everyone who accepts such a pardon. We'd all be seen as corrupt in some way. I say, let them take us to court and try to prove beyond a reasonable doubt that we committed some crime." Reminded that he has been proved beyond a reasonable doubt to have lied about serving in Vietnam, Blumenthal pointed out that "simply lying about military service or anything else in order to win elections is not illegal."

Former Rep. and newly elected Sen. Adam Schiff (D-Calif) says "preemptive pardons are unnecessary. Trump using the DOJ to investigate and prosecute his political opponents is an impeachable offense. This is not what voters who elected him want. If he tries to do this moderate Republicans will join with Democrats to impeach, convict, remove, and bar him from ever holding a federal office again. Even if such an effort fails it would derail all the changes Trump promised voters he would make and mark him as untrustworthy."


TOPICS: Government; History; Humor; Politics
KEYWORDS: blumenthal; cheney; clinton; pelosi; satire; schiff; thompson

1 posted on 12/12/2024 11:30:07 PM PST by John Semmens
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To: 1of10; #1CTYankee; 12Gauge687; 14erClimb; 21twelve; 1raider1; 2nd Bn, 11th Mar; 3D-JOY; 43north; ...

ping


2 posted on 12/12/2024 11:31:33 PM PST by John Semmens
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To: John Semmens

I wouldn’t mind a couple from Dolly. Wait, what?


3 posted on 12/12/2024 11:59:23 PM PST by SunkenCiv (Politics do not make strange bedfellows, and the enemy of your enemy may still be your enemy.)
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To: John Semmens

Can a person who gets a pardon ask for reparations since the crime was not ignored originally and jail or cost was applied?

wy69


4 posted on 12/13/2024 12:04:56 AM PST by whitney69
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To: John Semmens
"Almost Everybody Wants Pardons"


5 posted on 12/13/2024 12:10:20 AM PST by clearcarbon (Fraudulent elections have consequences.)
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To: John Semmens

Yep, all of our government officials and family members claim to need a pardon. They be “criminalin” for US, ya know.


6 posted on 12/13/2024 12:21:05 AM PST by no-to-illegals (The enemy has US surrounded. May God have mercy on them.)
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To: John Semmens

Maybe they can get Oprah to come to Washington to hand out pardons!


7 posted on 12/13/2024 12:21:18 AM PST by Fresh Wind (Cats For Trump 2024!)
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To: Fresh Wind

There’s two officials from Doylestown Pennsylvania should be looking for pardons also.


8 posted on 12/13/2024 2:24:09 AM PST by magua (It's not racism, it's just that thisBecause it’s being reported that a lot of this started in 2015.)
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To: Fresh Wind
Maybe they can get Oprah to come to Washington to hand out pardons!

LOL! "I want all of you Congress members to reach under your seats and open the package taped under there. It's a bright shiny pardon! There's a pardon for you...a pardon for you...heck, we've even got one for our security guy Michael Byrd. Pardons for everyone!"

9 posted on 12/13/2024 3:48:23 AM PST by MikelTackNailer (The Scales of Justice will favor Democrats until Republicans take appointments seriously.)
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To: John Semmens

Remember the old song Pardon Me Ray, about the Tennessee governor?

https://genius.com/The-gitch-your-own-band-pardon-me-ray-lyrics

Well now it is PARDON ME JOE!

Pardon me, Joe,
Are you the cat that signs the pardons?
Since you’re an old friend of mine
Just put your name on the line
(Put it on the line)

Double murder and rape
That’s all the jury put me in for
And I’m sure you’ll agree
They took advantage of me

Take a hundred thousand dollars, slip it under the door
Don’t mention any names and I won’t say what it’s for
Ain’t no use in cryin’
You’re not the one who’s dyin’
I gotta get my money’s worth for what I’m buyin’****


10 posted on 12/13/2024 6:14:06 AM PST by Ruy Dias de Bivar
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To: John Semmens


"You get a pardon!.....You get a pardon!.....Everybody gets a pardon!"
11 posted on 12/13/2024 7:09:50 AM PST by dfwgator (Endut! Hoch Hech!)
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