Posted on 11/21/2024 5:20:58 AM PST by Enterprise
DEAR ABBY: I’m a 64-year-old guy. I am single and have two daughters and four grandkids. A young woman (“Sarah”), who is my daughter’s age, and I have been hiking buddies for the past five years. I treat her like my third daughter and a family member. Sarah is married, and her husband does not enjoy hiking. Her husband and my daughters accept our friendship and are happy that I found a person I can hike with.
I have been dating a lady (“Toni”) who is close to my age. Six months ago, I suggested we should spend our lives together. My daughters and Sarah were happy for me. Toni rejected my proposal, citing that I must have some kind of romantic relationship with Sarah.
When I mentioned it to Sarah, she distanced from me. I think she thinks she may have interfered with my relationship with Toni. We’re still friends but not like before. Should I talk to Sarah and ask why she distanced from me? I feel depressed about this and have some remorse. I should not have told her what Toni said.
(Excerpt) Read more at washingtontimes-dc.newsmemory.com ...
My experience is that it is usually a projection of a past experience by the older woman entering the relationship of her unresolved emotion.
I had a really bizarre case where an 80 year old woman was extremely angry at her wonderful husband of 35 years. So angry that she was stuck in extreme grief when he died.
He was married before, had three children, and his wife died of cancer.
She was married before, had two children, and her husband cheated on her, so she divorced him.
The two met, merged their families, raised their five children and had a wonderful marriage for thirty five years when he was diagnosed with cancer.
They were both accepting of his pending death, and when it happened, she was as OK as one can be after losing a close loved one.
The next day after his death, she went to the hospital to pick up his belongings, and found that he took a picture of his first wife who died almost forty years earlier along with him to the hospital, knowing that he was going to die.
“That Basterd” she yelled. “He left me to go to Heaven and be with his first wife!”
Two weeks later, I’m working with her due to her extreme grief. I was teaching a workshop at a psychology conference when she volunteered for a demonstration. Immediately I realized that her unresolved anger was too great and recent to use as a demonstration in a public forum.(she was a psychologist)
Later that day I showed her that her anger was not at her husband who died, but at her previous husband who cheated on her. She never forgave him.
We did some forgiveness work regarding her ex husband, and when it was complete, she was no longer angry at her husband who died. She was no longer stuck in grief. It was merely the projection of her unresolved anger upon her husband who died.
This whole process takes only a few minutes for me as consciousness is physical to my perception. I merely have the person feel the emotion, in this case it was anger relating to betrayal by her husband who just died.
They she close her eyes and I start about 20 ft away from her and move forward until I locate the memory of the perceptual programming event that created the wound. Often it goes all the way back to when they were in their mother’s womb and it was the mother’s experience, not their experience. A child in the womb cannot differentiate between their own experiences and their mother’s.
It’s like depth psychology or psychotherapy, but only takes a few minutes and very few words are exchanged. I prefer to know nothing about the person ahead of time, not even their name. I just locate the memory that resonates with the same energy.
I’ve been doing this for about thirty five years. Thus I see patterns in people’s souls that program personality development. There is no judgement, just greater understanding.
I would expect a similar experience of the woman who cannot trust the man in this situation.
Do you?
The emotional opinions of people reading the narrative above are generated as a result of their own past unresolved emotions from earlier perceptual programming events.
Who the hell wants to hike with some chick? She probably doesn’t stfu. When I used to hike in Hong Kong, I’d pass by these Chinese couples hiking. The poor guy looked like he wanted to jump off a cliff as his old bag wife would be non-stop carping in the guy’s ear in the most heavy metal of all languages, Cantonese. I’d start running to get out of earshot of those human leaf blowers.
Haha. Get a bigger tent.
John Prine, cool.
A refused proposal is a bullet dodged.
I say this as a Woman.
Of course he’s nailing the hiking buddy, or wants to. Note he’s depressed about her more than the older one.
But a lot of people are controlling and jealous, so maybe it’s just drama.
That woman dodged a bullet. Imagine the humiliation of seeing your husband go meet his young girlfriend every week for hours long walks away from it all. And yard sure, treats her like a daughter lol. The simp got friend zoned and don’t even know it.
Luckily she had enough self respect to refuse his proposal.
And what kind of weak man writes dear Abby? That old broad still alive?
+1
Controlling? She don’t want her spouse out spending long days in nature with a married woman half his age. Would you like your wife spending that kind of time alone with a married man? Laughable.
He wants that younger woman and can’t figure it out or make it happen.
The guy sounds like an idiot.
Both sound like a problem. It is time to find others to enjoy your life with. Too many men try to accommodate when they should simply let others worry about what they must do to earn your trust, love and affection.
I agree with your take on this.
We heard his side of the story which he painted as a very innocent thing.
But you have to be pretty naive to take his story at face value. He goes for regular walks with a young girl by themselves while he’s in a supposedly serious relationship with Toni? What else do they do together? Seems very odd.
I think the one that made the wise decision is Toni.
How would this guy like it if the tables were turned?
After 64 years, you just painfully learned this? Sorry, dude, your life experience didn't prepare you for this potential disaster.
If it's any consolation, most senior guys reading your tale sympathize with you.
Would you want to marry a woman who went on daily long “innocent” walks with a young stud?
Toni made the wise decision.
In 1814 we took a little trip.
You wrote “bad road” and my eyes saw “broad”... Hehehe!
Kamala, Kamala,
You have no complaint.
You are what you are
And you ain’t what you ain’t.
So listen up beeotch,
And listen up good.
Stop wishing for miracles
And get gone for good.
Signed, Dear Abby
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