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Secret Service Warns Trump [semi-satire]
Semi-News/Semi-Satire ^ | 28 July 2024 | John Semmens

Posted on 07/26/2024 4:33:29 PM PDT by John Semmens

Citing the "massive security failures that nearly resulted in former President Trump's assassination in Butler, Pennsylvania" and "the recent sudden resignation of Director Kimberly Cheatle," Acting Secret Service Director Ronald Rowe warned Trump "the fluke that saved your life on July 13 cannot be relied upon to save it again. I advised Mr. Trump to discontinue any future campaign events."

"Let's look at the factors that make these events so dangerous," Rowe pointed out. "There are always going to be sloped roof, weather, laziness, indifference, and incompetence issues that make providing protection difficult. On top of these, as a government agency committed to accomplishing the goals of DEI, ADA, and cronyism we are not free to employ only the most capable employees."

"Then there is the poisonous atmosphere of our current political environment," Rowe added. "After years of being compared to Hitler there are likely thousands of potential assassins who'd like to 'save democracy' by killing Trump. Some of them might be better marksmen than Mr. Crooks was. Kill shots from much further away than the 150 yards Crooks was from Trump have been achieved by expert military, CIA, and FBI snipers. Perhaps there are non-government expert snipers, as well. Before he was killed by a sniper, President John Kennedy acknowledged that there was no way to guarantee a president's safety from assassins."

"Of course, long-distance shots aren't the only risk," Rowe reminded. "Former President Reagan was shot from just a couple of feet away. He survived, but in 1968 presidential candidate Robert Kennedy was shot and killed in an up close assault and in 1972 presidential candidate Gov. George Wallace was permanently crippled by an up close shot. In 1975, President Gerald Ford survived two up close assassination attempts without being wounded."

"In 2020, President Biden modeled the safest approach to winning an election by spending most of the campaign in his basement and letting his campaign ground troops stuff as many ballot drop boxes as possible," Rowe pointed out. "Clearly, the era of inspiring enthusiastic voters to sweep a person to victory is over. Why risk your life when it may not be necessary?"

If you missed any of the other Semi-News/Semi-Satire posts you can find them at...

https://www.freedomsphoenix.com/Opinion/365978-2024-07-26-semi-news-semi-satire-july-28-2024-edition.htm


TOPICS: Conspiracy; Government; Humor; Politics
KEYWORDS: assassination; biden; dei; satire

1 posted on 07/26/2024 4:33:29 PM PDT by John Semmens
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To: 1of10; #1CTYankee; 12Gauge687; 14erClimb; 21twelve; 1raider1; 2nd Bn, 11th Mar; 3D-JOY; 43north; ...

ping


2 posted on 07/26/2024 4:34:22 PM PDT by John Semmens
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To: John Semmens

Who is the director now that Cheatle has been booted?


3 posted on 07/26/2024 4:47:27 PM PDT by jacknhoo (Luke 12:51; Think ye, that I am come to give peace on earth? I tell you, no; but separation.)
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To: jacknhoo

I think Chester the Cheetos Cheetah may now be the guy.


4 posted on 07/26/2024 4:54:56 PM PDT by Fai Mao ( The US government is run by pedophiles and Perverts for pedophiles and perverts.)
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To: John Semmens

Good one.


5 posted on 07/26/2024 4:57:59 PM PDT by Liz (This then is how we should pray : Our Father who art in heaven, Hallowed be thy name . )
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To: John Semmens

At this point, the level of SS incompetency assures us that Trump is no safer inside than outside.


6 posted on 07/26/2024 5:44:54 PM PDT by Enterprise
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To: Enterprise; Liz

As a follow up to my prior post, If the SS is so incompetent that it cannot guarantee Trump’s safety, can Rowe even guarantee the safety of Biden or Harris? Should he not advise them also to quit campaigning? Or is Rowe telling us that only Trump is in danger? And if that is the case, it requires further explanation, or a new acting director.


7 posted on 07/26/2024 5:49:32 PM PDT by Enterprise
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To: John Semmens

Don’t be too attractive! Don’t dress provocatively. If you want to avoid the wrong kind of attention, stay home or campaign in a hijab. Otherwise it’s your own fault if something bad happens.
That’s the message from the Democrats.


8 posted on 07/26/2024 5:54:10 PM PDT by Buttons12 (Should, should, should. Fighting words. )
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To: John Semmens

Harris is lucky if she can half-fill a high school gymnasium. That makes it a lot easier to provide protection.


9 posted on 07/26/2024 6:28:04 PM PDT by smokingfrog ( sleep with one eye open (<o> --- )
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To: John Semmens

Heh.


10 posted on 07/26/2024 8:12:32 PM PDT by dynachrome (Auslander Raus!)
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To: Enterprise
As a follow up to my prior post, If the SS is so incompetent that it cannot guarantee Trump’s safety, can Rowe even guarantee the safety of Biden or Harris? Should he not advise them also to quit campaigning? Or is Rowe telling us that only Trump is in danger? And if that is the case, it requires further explanation, or a new acting director.

I hear that obese person who portrayed Jesus in the Olympics opening ceremony is available. He'd/She'd be a perfect DEI hire for director.

Besides, Dr. Jill thought the opening ceremony was fantastic!

11 posted on 07/29/2024 3:26:51 AM PDT by COBOL2Java (The country bounces along like Custer on the way to Little Big Horn, thanks to Dear Leader)
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