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CDC Announces Deadly New 'Electionyearicron' Covid Variant
Babylon Bee ^ | 08/23/2023 | Babylon Bee

Posted on 08/23/2023 12:24:22 PM PDT by DFG

ATLANTA, GA — The Center for Disease Control warned Americans this week to resume all contact precautions due a new and rapidly-spreading "Electionyearicron" Covid variant.

CDC director Bob Cohen spoke with reporters Wednesday to announce the new variant. "'Electionyearicron' is thought to be the most disruptive variant yet, and will be here all through 2024 until approximately November sixth," said Mr. Cohen. "So everyone, stay home and get ready to vote by mail!"

The White House hosted an immediate press conference to address the dangerous new variant. "We're thrilled - I mean, um, alarmed - to hear of this deadly new 'Electionyearicron' variant," said White House Press Secretary Karine Jean-Pierre. "The President says we'll probably just go ahead and cancel the general elections next year as a precaution. It's the only way to really flatten the curve. You don't want to kill grandma, do you?"

The CDC has released guidelines once again encouraging social distancing and the wearing of masks. "It's the best way to love your neighbor," said Mr. Cohen. "The government will let you know just as soon as it's safe to end quarantine, which we project to be immediately after the next election is over. Just to give Americans an extra sense of assurance, we are calling Dr. Fauci back out of retirement so everyone knows they can trust our word. Stay home, stay safe!"

As of press time, millions of middle-class liberal women had already sewn their N95 masks directly onto their faces as a precaution.


TOPICS: Humor
KEYWORDS: babylonbee; cdc; covid; covid23; electionyearicron; variant

1 posted on 08/23/2023 12:24:22 PM PDT by DFG
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To: DFG
OMG that's funnier than Bill asking Hillary with a twinkle in his eye to pretend she's Monica.

Hillary: I've gained as much weight as her, Bill, what else is there?

2 posted on 08/23/2023 12:34:00 PM PDT by Tell It Right (1st Thessalonians 5:21 -- Put everything to the test, hold fast to that which is true.)
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To: DFG

Electionyearicron
Love the Bee


3 posted on 08/23/2023 12:59:23 PM PDT by griswold3 (Truth, Beauty and Goodness )
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To: DFG

😂😂


4 posted on 08/23/2023 1:06:28 PM PDT by Georgia Girl 2 (The only purpose of a pistol is to fight your way back to the rifle you should never have dropped)
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To: DFG

The Bee is having to work really hard to stay ahead of this admin, but this one is really good.


5 posted on 08/24/2023 12:52:56 PM PDT by Texas resident (We are living through Barak's fundamental transformation)
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To: Georgia Girl 2

Funny but just remember: it’s far easier to rig a jury than it is to rig an election. If you have four juries and you only have to successfully rig one of them, then you have a lawfare ace in the hole.


6 posted on 08/24/2023 12:56:31 PM PDT by Theophilus (flush the alphabet soup!)
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To: Theophilus

These cases will never get to an ending. They are simply a vehicle to get the election fraud evidence in front of the public. There is zero chance Donald Trump is going to prison.

However expect one more indictment out of Michigan in the near future.


7 posted on 08/24/2023 3:01:43 PM PDT by Georgia Girl 2 (The only purpose of a pistol is to fight your way back to the rifle you should never have dropped)
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To: Georgia Girl 2

Epstein didn’t kill himself and Trump isn’t prosecuting himself.


8 posted on 08/24/2023 6:36:32 PM PDT by Theophilus (flush the alphabet soup!)
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To: Theophilus

These indictments are engineered for a reason. Trump knows why and how they will play out. Does he look worried to you?


9 posted on 08/24/2023 6:53:20 PM PDT by Georgia Girl 2 (The only purpose of a pistol is to fight your way back to the rifle you should never have dropped)
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To: Georgia Girl 2

No. That wouldn’t be good for fund-raising. What will we do if he is not on the ballot in swing states? I can’t take four more years of FJB or his puppet masters.


10 posted on 08/24/2023 8:29:35 PM PDT by Theophilus (flush the alphabet soup!)
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To: Theophilus

Don’t worry about the election. Its almost certain there won’t be one.

What good would an election do? Not one thing has changed since 2020. It will just be another rigged stolen election. Do you think Donald Trump would put himself and his family through all this insanity just to lose again? Well of course he wouldn’t.

This country has to be fixed before we have another election. The baddies have to be rooted out and dealt with. Trump is allowing us to see over and over again that Congress isn’t going to fix anything and the courts aren’t going to fix anything and the DOJ isn’t going to fix things.

So who does that leave? The military. But they’re not going to step in until things are so bad the average American will be accepting of it. It looks like we are almost there.


11 posted on 08/24/2023 9:08:42 PM PDT by Georgia Girl 2 (The only purpose of a pistol is to fight your way back to the rifle you should never have dropped)
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