Posted on 08/03/2023 12:29:13 PM PDT by DFG
U.S. — In a bold new attempt to win the 2024 election against Biden, candidate Mike Pence has decided to alienate all 80 million voters who voted for Donald Trump.
"It's about time someone had the courage to say it, so today I will say it: Trump is bad," said Pence to a raucous crowd of 12 seniors in the activity center of Shady Oaks Retirement Home. "If that hurts my chances with the tens of millions of people who voted for him, so be it. I am a stalwart man of integrity. Just look at my kind eyes and serious face."
Pence then looked directly into the camera with a look of integrity.
Sources within the Pence campaign confirmed Pence plans to make up the loss in support by courting Biden voters and convincing them he is not a bigoted Nazi fascist homophobe. "We have faith in the virtuous Americans who voted for Biden," said a campaign spokesman. "They will certainly see things our way once Pence has had the chance to talk to them in his comforting evangelical Dad voice and make them see reason."
Pence also expressed confidence that he would be able to make inroads with the 150 million people who didn't vote in the previous elections, such as babies, illegal immigrants, and Chinese spies posing as university professors.
"Trump is an existential threat to democracy and an evil person," continued Pence. "I know this from my 4 years of loyally and unquestioningly serving him for 4 years. Vote for me!"
At publishing time approximately 100% of Biden voters polled still thought Pence was a bigoted Nazi fascist homophobe.
Mike Dense
Go away
Damn, The Bee stung me!
I just knew this had to be your post. You dig up the best pics! Thanks for your effort.
Pence, the cornfield cuck is dumb AF.
Pence is stuck for life with a D arm band.
.
Thank you. I enjoy your thoughts
Well, the Pence succeeded. He HAS managed to alienate his base.
Good job, Mike. Keep up the good work.
And thank you for publishing the most up to date news, BB.
I started to swallow this bilge… then… It’s the Bee.
Very funny and not so far off the mark. The Babylon Bee might want to revisit his “chaos” comment. So might Tucker Carlson. So might everyone!
Dr. Biden was probably cute when she first sat on his lap as a 15 year old, while working as a babysitter.
Yes, I heard BS Pence was slinging and figured he was actually fighting for Dementia Joe Biden.
Disclaimer: Opinions posted on Free Republic are those of the individual posters and do not necessarily represent the opinion of Free Republic or its management. All materials posted herein are protected by copyright law and the exemption for fair use of copyrighted works.